so my dad had an affair..?

Question

he left my family for his new girlfriend. he tried keeping it a secret and lied to my family constantly, now we suffer. He left without saying goodbye. 3 days later he calls my mom asking if we children wanted to talk to him. The next day later he calls my mom and asks if we want to hang out with him. Finally his gulit catches up to him.

what should i do??
i know hes my dad, but ill never forgive him. I feel intense hatetred

Answer 1

maybe you should talk to him and see what he has to say

Answer 2

I know it's not the same situation but let me give you this insight from an older man's perspective!

7 years ago I was transfered to a fairly remote area by the military and rather than go with me my wife packed up my children and went back to her home. I haven't seen her or the kids since. I'm sure that the oldest boy felt the same about me as you do about your dad. Here's the thing though..... Marital problems do effect the whole family but the only two people directly involved are the two parents. There could be a whole lot more to the story than you know and anger gains nothing. Take a mental and emotional break from the situation for awhile and if you don't want to see him then don't. If he's any kind of a father at all he'll allow you the space.

Answer 3

Get some counseling and make sure Dad is the one who gets the bill. You probably don't want your Dad permanently out of you life, you are just angry at him right now and justifiably so! Do the counseling for yourself, your Mom and the rest of your family. It will help you deal with the stress and anger so that your emotions don't spill over and drown other aspects of your life, like your grades in school and your other relationships. If you bury that anger within you will only have misplaced anger and mistrust towards other people later in life, especially other men. Trust me...it WILL affect your own ability to have a loving relationship later on in life if you don't deal with it right now.

Answer 4

My natural father abused me. I am now 46 years old and have a brother and sister also by my natural father and mother who are five and three years younger than me. He left us when I was 10 and we have not heard from him or seen him since. I turned it into something positive by becoming the exact opposite of what he is. I have become successful in business and have two children of my own who I adore. You can't let his mistake affect the rest of your life. We can't explain why some people do things. Don't continue lifer feeling everyone owes you something. Nobody will give you anything. You have to work for it. It is what is inside us that defines us. We will fall. We all do. it is how you get up that defines us. Good luck

Answer 5

You should find a way to tell your dad how much he's hurt you. If you feel intense hatred, and feel like you can't talk with him, you should write down how you feel in a letter to him.

Remember that this awful situation is about your dad and how he feels about your mom and himself. Even though his moving out might feel like he's rejecting you, it's really about what's going on inside of him. He probably feels just as much love for you as ever.

It's a hard thing to learn that your parents are not perfect people, that they make mistakes, and sometimes they make really big ones. I'm sure that you wish things could be better in your family, and that you feel like your dad is to blame for everything. I don't know him, so that could very well be the case. Even so, you only get one family, but it changes over time, and this happens for everybody.

Regardless of how much this hurts and how angry you are with him, he is your dad. At some point when you feel you are ready, you should talk to him about how you feel about this situation. Be honest, and even though it may be upsetting to him, you shouldn't hide how you actually feel.

You should also talk to your mom because she's going through a whole lot herself. She is going to worry about you and she's also going to need your support.

Answer 6

This happened to me, except it was my mom, not my dad. I hated what she did, but I didn't hate her, she's my mom. My best advice is to cool down for a bit, then try to sort things out in your head. If you have a choice between which parent to live with, think about that decision very hard. Everyone deals with these things differently. Don't listen to pressure from other family members. Say what you have to say to both parents, keeping everything to yourself will not help. There are other people out there dealing with the same thing, and if all else fails, maybe a school guidance counselor can help. Thats what they are there for.

Answer 7

You don't say how old you are!!! Maybe things weren't working out for your parents, but the way he went about it wasn't right. He is still your father. You do need the relationship with him. People do strange things. They aren't always right!!! Have you never done anything that is wrong??? Just remember, your dad, whatever wrong he may have done, he is only human. Good Luck to you.

Answer 8

Your dad sounds purely as perplexed because of the fact something of you. He hasn`t long gone and left so don`t purely presume the marriage is going to end. You`d be bowled over on the batterings some marriages can take and stay intact. i think of as others have reported,you ought to pass away this to your parenst to tackle, and you reside as calm as a danger ok ?Don`t concern concerning the money component of issues lots-no longer yet - you don`t comprehend what`s going to ensue. a large style of families pass via this and that they proceed to exist - so will yours. Take on a daily basis because it comes, focus on your exams, and do properly. that's what the two your dad and mom could want you to do. this concept of merchandising stuff on line-forget it. your loved ones isn't dependant on you financially and not in any respect would be. in the experience that your dad leaves, or your mum leaves him, he will ought to help out financially. It`s solid you may communicate to your mum, the reality she looks purely fairly aggravated is powerful too. You study the messages in his telephone and that would`t be undemanding to handle. attempt and positioned it out of your strategies-it`s purely words-they mean no longer something. despite happens your mum is fortunate to have you ever, and you will all come via this - you`ll see.

Answer 9

I would never forgive either. you have every right to feel the way you do. I say it his turn to feel pain. what goes around comes around. dont let other people use that lame excuse ..."hes your father" to guilt you into being with him. well your his kid and he new it would tear you all up but did it anyway. its not for anyone else to say but you. its your life. you are the one living the hurt. if you want nothing to do with him, you have every right to say NO! get lost! they will just make you a victum again over and over forcing you to be with the slim ball.
..
been there

Answer 10

i would be very angry. 1st of all he was to 'infatuated with his new girlfriend and oviously cared more for her then your mother or childre. he just let all his responsibility's go. if he can do it once he can do it againn.if you can find it in your heart to forgive him do.but dont feel obliged.hunny i know this is not the answer you probably want and anyway i bet al these other answers will be like forgive him anyway my advice probably aint the best anyways.your in my prayers.x*x*x*x*x*x

Answer 11

It is natural to feel this way.

Ask your dad to give you some time to deal with the emotion of being abandoned. Then talk to him when you are ready. Time heals but doesn't make things undone.