My fiance and I have known each other for about 4 years.....and well...I was always there for him as a friend...and I fell in love with him..within a few months of knowing him, but we weren't together.....i wanted it...and he ended up dating someone else. All this time..he had feelings for his ex wife. Whenever the girlfriend and him broke up...I thought oh finally we'll be together, but he had feelings for his ex wife...and then about a year later..he decided that he was over with and could finally give me his whole heart. We were getting married in April of this year. He has not seen her in about 2 years...until recently when we came back home to visit.. and he would go hang out with her..assuring me that he was with me and thye were friends. The next thing I know...they both still have feelings for each other and he breaks it to me that he's not in love with me if he has feelings for her. Im so heartbroken. Do you think that he's just confused and could still be in love with me?
2007-01-23 09:42:38 · 24 answers · asked by Starla 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
any advice, thoughts, suggestions...anything...i could really use some help.
2007-01-23 09:43:03 · update #1
i just wanted to say thank youa ll for the advice. We now..have to devide our stuff..we've been living together for two years...and have slept in the same bed..as friends before we were together..so it's just really hard....knowing that I've loved someone this long...and he doesn't love me back. I feel like dieing.........it's horrible....i dont know who or what to blame..how to feel...i want to talk to a shrink..but i dont know that it'd help...im taking off from work..losing money..because it happened too fast..overnight..one day things were fine.my fairy tale..and the next..this....i feel like i've lost.
2007-01-23 10:08:44 · update #2
also..we've contacted each other..and disgussed this with each other..to understand each other's sides. I feel though..if she really loves..loved him..she would have let him go..and held back from telling him that hse still has feelings for him....im just too hurt....it's unreal....unbelievable....my whole world...just crumbled.
2007-01-23 10:14:03 · update #3
He IS confused. But I would recommend you move on. It won't be easy, but do you really want to spend the rest of your life on this roller coaster? If it's taken him this long to cut the cord, chances are good he never will.
Sure he might turn up again. And then he'll leave again.
Don't part friends. Just part. Get as far away as you can. If physical distance isn't possible, go for emotional. Cut all ties.
And keep the ring. The schmuck!
2007-01-23 09:47:09 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry. I can imagine how sad you are feeling. It sounds like he had never really gotten over her and was always hoping she'd take him back. As hard as it is for you, it is better that he broke up with you before you got married. Because he probably would have taken her back no matter when it happened. He is a liar and a creep for leading you and lying about his feelings for his ex and even more so to say that he's not in love with you. If he and his ex don't work out (I'm guessing they won't, considering their history) try to be strong and not take him back. Do not even be his friend, as he has proven himself to be a liar.
The best thing for you right now is to keep busy and spend time with your friends and family. It wouldn't hurt to start dating again, even if you're not ready for anything serious. Just be up front about this with guys.
2007-01-23 09:55:28 · answer #2 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he doesn't know what he wants so the best thing to do is cut him loose until he figures that out. try going out with other people and either you will find someone else without the baggage or he will realize that he wants you instead of her and beg you to take him back. He may have thought the friendship was enough reason to get married and it never is. It hurts now but be glad he figured that out now rather than after you were married.
2007-01-23 09:52:01 · answer #3 · answered by Al B 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think he's aware of his feelings and knows what he wants to do in regard to what you need to know which is that he doesnt want to get married to you. It doesnt even matter what the situation is beyond that but he's been back and forth with the ex so I would find someone more emotionally available if I were you because you deserve better than that.
2007-01-23 09:46:37 · answer #4 · answered by boomerang3que 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he's truly in love with his ex or not, he's just gave your freedom. Cry your eyes out and get back in the game. There are others who will appreciate your loyalty more.
Really, what if you'd gotten married, had 2-3 children, then he broke the news. Count your self lucky and sail away.
Good luck, sweetie.
2007-01-23 09:49:42 · answer #5 · answered by txkathidy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I really dont think that It would have ever worked between you two. I know it hurts but loving someone who doesnt love you back hurts alot too. He would have been inwardly miserable if you two would have gotten together you dont just shut feelings off toward people, he loved her this whole time. Move on.
2007-01-23 09:48:09 · answer #6 · answered by hotmoma_37 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please, take care of YOU...He is in love with his ex-wife or she is a very conniving woman who knows how to push his g u i l t buttons. I believe it is time for you to move on and discover your new life and find your new love.
Don't play second-fiddle to another heart-throb that keeps beating in his heart. What if.....(hate those two words) however....say you and he had married--you ended up having children with him. He accidentally runs into his ex and realizes he still is in love with her and leaves you and children.
Stop this insanity now before the pain gets worse and worse! Good luck!
2007-01-23 09:51:26 · answer #7 · answered by missellie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is a term for this,its called the dance away lover.
This guy has unresolved issues that would rip your heart out if you were to marry him.I know the pain is terrible,but imagine if you would have married,had a child and it happened.Good luck to you.Protect your heart from this guy-save it for someone who knows what they want and will treasure you.
2007-01-23 09:47:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl you are giving him WAY to many decisions!! YOU deserve more than that.....I wouldn't give a rats a s s if he was confused or not, he is using you for when it is convenient for him!!
Don't talk to him anymore, the next time that he calls u tell him that he can go talk to his ex about it that you are through!!
I know that you have more self respect for yourself then that....right??
2007-01-23 09:52:14 · answer #9 · answered by TNL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think he knows exactly what he is doing, i think he has never gotten over her, and never will. he may love u, but is in love with her. he will never be able to give u his whole heart.best to move on, and see it for what it is, accept it. get some therapy as we really can't get over heartache so easily. u have suffered a great loss, thought your life was going to be one way and it seems to be the same old problem with this man, his ex.
2007-01-23 10:06:47 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋