Step-daughter just announced she's getting married.....?

Question

October, 2007. This wedding announcement is indeed great news.
However, hubby doesn't get along with his ex-wife as she took their three kids away from him 13 years ago and moved south with the man with whom she cheated on my husband.
Question is this:
For my step-daughter's sake, I wish to have my husband and his ex-wife dance with eachother if the DJ is instructed (by whomever) to call on them. How can her current husband (who doesn't get along with my husband) and my husband (who hates his ex-wife) be convinced to put it all aside for one day for the sake of my step-daughter.
BTW: I did not raise my step-daughter. I met her once last year at a family wedding and met my husband's ex-wife and current husband there, too.
Oh, I also wish to see my husband and ex-wife sit together at the wedding while I sit back a few seats.
Would this be proper wedding etiquette? If so, if not, plz share with me your views/opinions/educated responses.
Th

I am not a wedding planner, nor do I know anything about wedding etiquette especially where step-parents are concerned. However, I have been asked to take a ton of photos (in addition to the pro photography).
The entire family is well aware of my step-daughter's close relationship with both of her parents as this is the only factor that leads me to even approach the issue with her (the bride-to-be). I am not, in any way, attempting to cause unneeded drama at the wedding, rather only trying to bring two ppl together for the sake of their daughter for only one day. They are both adults and I see that this would be rather nice for their daughter, but will not in any way force the issue, either, as only to raise the idea and then to leave that possibility up to her. These are strictly good intentions and nothing else. Thx for all of your honest, and yes, blunt responses. These are well appreciated.

Answer 1

I don't think this is proper wedding etiquette especially since they don't like each other. I don't see what's wrong with you and your husband sitting together and her and husband sitting together. I'm pretty sure that everyone who's coming to the wedding know how they feel about each other so why put up a front as if everything is okay. I think they should be on their best behavior but don't be foney because that doesn't look good either.

Answer 2

I suggest you talk this over with the daughter !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Do NOT make plans for all this to happen, if there is that much animosity between these ppl the chance of a peaceful wedding is almost zilch if you try to pair them up in any way , shape or form..... unless it means that much to the daughter this is treading on dangerous ground and may ruin the wedding more than it would make it special..... the head table can be set up so that you and hubby or on one end and the mom and step dad on the other and very little contact would be there..... as for the dance, might I suggest that IF the daughter needs to have that, that maybe only a short dance, maybe just a few minutes of the song be danced by the birth parents and that a quick change be made IF you or step dad or daughter or her new hubby sees anything amiss ????? talk to the intire party about this IF the daughter sees fit to try it.......... but if I were you I would NOT push the issue......... God bless

Answer 3

I'm am seriously confused and boggled??!!

Is this what your step-daughter wants or is this your own idea of what you think should happen at her wedding??? While your intentions are for good, you are seriously creating more drama than necessary.

It sounds like you are doing needless worrying and meddling into someone else's wedding. I would just let your step-daughter worry about what she's going to do with her parents and what she wants them to do.

If things are so acrimonious between your husband and his ex and his ex's current husband why would anyone want to try and throw them all together?

The proper wedding etiquette? Don't go causing needless grief.

Answer 4

If your husband doesn't like his ex-wife why would you force him to dance with her. You are all grown-ups including your step daughter so if your husband is not up to it he shouldn't have to. Since you only met her once you don't know what her wishes are. Sit with you husband at the wedding. Yes they are the parents but you are also his current wife. I suggest you find out first what is intended before you decide on anything.

Answer 5

I don't think it's proper etiquette at all. He shouldn't dance or sit with her. That is really weird!!!!! If they don't get along they should put it aside for the sake of their daughter, but they shouldn't dance or sit together. I personally find that very odd. That would be extremely humiliating because I'm sure everyone who is attending the wedding already knows how they feel about eachother.

Answer 6

Oh no!!!! A DJ, family members cooking, and BEER??!!!!???? who's the mum, Peg Bundy??? how the heck can she bypass up the country club, crystal, and the harp participant??? It sounds like this grow to be precisely what your stepdaughter needed, yet now, it extremely is not approximately your stepdaughter anymore; it extremely is for sure approximately what the mum needs. sit down with your stepdaughter and ask her: If she could have her wedding ceremony everywhere, with any style of music/decorations she needed, with out enter from everyone, what could she do? i'm going to guess she'd be returned in that backyard remarkable away, together with her captivating Tiffany Blue bins, listening to the harp participant. finally the determination is up on your stepdaughter. even though it extremely is not truly her way till she tells the mum what she needs. The mom would be pissed yet she'll could desire to handle it. She merely needs to tell the mum to returned off, and start up up making the arrangements herself. And if the mum would not ensue on her very own daughter's wedding ceremony day, she is merely being ridiculously infantile. Too undesirable!! the forties subject wedding ceremony sounds so captivating. that's a as quickly as in an entire life element, and that i'm hoping she gets it. sturdy luck to you!!!

Answer 7

Personally I wouldn't try to convince them to do anything they don't want to. My parents had a similar relationship as her parents. At my wedding my mom danced with her husband and my dad danced with his wife during the wedding dance. The DJ just said "please welcome the mother and step father of the bride followed by their names and the father and step mother of the bride followed by their names". It wasn't at all awkward. Actually seeing my parents dance together would have been awkward to see for everyone. Nothing is more weird than seeing 2 people that everyone knows has a bad relationship trying to dance together. It's sweet that you wish they could do it, but I wouldn't try to force it. My parents also sat in the same pew, but their spouses sat with them with adequate space between the couples. His daughter may not want that anyway. It is after all her wedding and unless she requests it (and I don't think she will), I wouldn't bring it up.

Answer 8

I think you are pushing the issue abit to far. It sounds that the day would be best left alone as far as dad and mom dancing together and sitting together. If none of them get along why would you want to push the issue, and possibly cause an up set for your stepdaughter. These are thing you want , What does your step daughter want? That is what is important , after all it is her special day.

Answer 9

There's no need for your husband to dance with his ex... It will be very uncomfortable for everyone. These details need to be planned out in advance, there's no need to include anything that is inappropriate or offensive. I'm sure, his daughter is well-aware of the nature of the relationship between her parents, and will not insist on something that is obviously uncomfortable for the parties involved. It is proper that you attend, and are seated with, your husband - and that her mother is seated with hers.

Answer 10

Hey I have an idea!!! Let's just make everyone stressed out at the wedding!!! Why don't you just let the father and mother figure out how they want the wedding to go. Don't push the envelope. Sounds like there's quite a bit of bad blood flowing.