Problems with my husbnad?

Question

When I was a senior in high school my boyfriend and I got pregnant. We decided to get married and try to give our daughter the best life possible. We had been together for 3 years and thought that we loved each other enough to make anything work. But as soon as I said I do he turned into a giant control freak. If I don't' answer my cell phone he calls me 1000 times. He wont' let me go to college (despite the fact that I have thousands of dollars in scholarships), he won't let me get a job, I can't go anywhere with someone that he doesn't know well, I can't call my parents, and He yells ALL OF THE TIME. He couldn't find his keys the other day so he tore up our apartment and yelled at me for an hour. I'm really unhappy and want out, but am afraid of ruining my daughter's life. What should I do?

Please don't tell me that I shouldn't have had my baby or I should give her up for adoption, that kind of advice isn't helpful.

Forgot to mention it but we've been married for a year and a half and going to my parent's house isn't an option.

Answer 1

you (by yourself) going to your parents house should ALWAYS be an option for you. you have thousands of dollars in scholarships? i wish i had that. you need to make a plan and act fast. because you know that staying there is not healthy. http://www.ndvh.org/ since i don't know what state you live in (or even if you reside in the states) the above is a website for domestic abuse. you need to find a way to leave and only bring what is important (cause he may not let you back into the house).
1. find a pay phone or a phone where your husband will not know what number you call
2. call up your frineds and your parents and tell them what is going on.
3. you need to find a way to arrange for your parents and or friends to come at once to help you (come with you) to collect what ever documents and items that are yours so that you can go to school and use those scholarships before the expire (don't forget your daughter's items also).
4. you will have to file a police report against your husband for domestic abuse
5. once you get out of there and into a friends or your parents house...get a job (if you don't have one). you need to have your own source of income.
6. find a way to hire an attorney to start the divorce proceedings for the sake of your child and your life.
7. most importantly...please visit the website above or search for local domestic abuse help that is in your area. before you find yourself in an emergency room or in the grave.
7. also check out http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ because there may be information on that website to help you deal with this situation.
8. don't think about getting help for him...you need to seek counseling for you and for your daughter.

Answer 2

You're worried about ruining your daughter's life if you leave?? Well you are ruining her life by staying. Would you have wanted to grow up with him as a dad?? I feel so bad for your child. I had a baby in my senior year of highschool. A little girl and although my ex and I tried to stay together it didn't work out. He is a good father even though him and I don't always see eye to eye. She is happy, she was unhappy when we were together and fighting all the time. Think about whats best for her. Have a controlling, screaming male in the house will only make her grow up and think that that is a proper relationship. You need to get out now, before he starts getting physically abusive. Believe me he will, if he hasn't already.

Answer 3

Try reading: When your "perfect partner" goes perfectly wrong - Loving or Leaving the Narcissist in your life - by Mary Jo Fay.....Sounds to me like it might help you at least assess the situation and see if you are living with a narcissist. If you are, then you will have a choice to make and the book will walk you through it.

I applaud you for trying to do the right thing for your baby. My parents had to get married due to pregnancy during last year of high school. They divorced when I was 7.

I hope you can work it out but will know when to leave if that is for the best. Never let anyone treat you badly and tell yourself that you are worth more.

Answer 4

Been there, Sweetie. Get the hell outta there!!
Unacceptable that you're not allowed the freedom to further your education. Means he's jealous of your potential.
Unacceptable that you're not allowed to go out with ppl he doesn't trust. Who could trust your husband with his behavior?
Unacceptable that you are not allowed to call your own parents. That means he's trying to isolate you. This leads to a brainwashed life.
Unacceptable that he yelled at you for being careless with his keys and tore up the apartment that, you, undoubtedly, cleaned up. Means he's a hot head and your poor daughter will only suffer the consequences.
Your parents' house isn't an option? Why not?? Any place is better than with this loser.
I'd rather see you live under a bridge than take that kind of abuse and subject your child to it, in the process.
Uh oh! Tough love below...

Grow a back bone and scoop up your daughter from the day care and secretly flee. Go to your parents', a friend's, a neighbor's, a women's shelter. Any place, for the love of God! Just don't stay with that loser who has nothing better to do with his time than pick on a woman and their innocent child.
Take the trash out, Sweetie, and move on with your life. You're young enough to find more responsible love in the future.
The best of luck to you....

Answer 5

Use those scholarships, use student loans to support yourself and get out of this marriage. You don't deserve to live a life of misery with this jerk. He won't change. With the future so unpredicatable you'll need to work and have a career to provide for your daughter even if you are in a married situation. You need to use every opportunity to advance yourself educationally and financially and be self-sufficient.

My daughter was married to a guy just this and she left, and struck out on her own pursuing an education. She's done well, is divorced and has a daughter. She has graduated college and found a job in her field and is still going to college fulltime. It's hard but i know that she can do anything all on her own now.

So go for it and think of yourself and your daughter and forget this selfish jerk that wants to control you constantly.

Answer 6

You want out....then get out. I think that raising your child in that kind of environment would be worse than you leaving. I would never say that you shouldn't have had your little girl or that you should give her up for adoption. I have 2 kids of my own and am going through a divorce right now so I kind of have similar problems. I would say that you just nee to see if you can go to your parents for help or see if you can stay with a friend that will help you get on your feet. I would really get out of that situation. If he loves you and wants to be a part of your life and your girls life, then he needs to cool down and not be such an *** about what you do, it is your life too.

Answer 7

Go to your local Social Services office and get state aid. Then have them help you find housing, they should have income based housing in your area. They should also be able to help you get started on child support payments f/ your hubby. If he is escalating that fast the next step is physical. It will probably start w/ pushing and grabbing then it will become hitting. Get out now before it does and your child has to see anymore abuse. B/c honey that's what it is. Staying w/ him is the way to ruin your daughter's life. Going is the way to save you both.

Answer 8

tell him you are unhappy and you loved the way he was in the past - tell him you want this to work out( and school is in the pic) if those are not options then get a job find a daycare and go on with life- it will be hard in the beginning be it will all be for the best

Answer 9

have you thought about the fact that you could ruin your daughters life by subjecting her to seeing a man treat her mother that way? Do you want her to grow up thinking that this is the way men are suppose to treat women because my mother took it. And if she does not see anything different she will repeat it with her own husband one day.

Answer 10

Get him a pair of pairs of trainers so he can change pairs and supply them an afternoon or 2 relax to air out. i'm no longer a great fan of powders interior the shoes because of the fact in case you put in too a lot, the powder can act like sand paper and rub the foot uncooked. One trick is to circulate to the searching section at walmart and discover some spray that removes smell for searching and spray the shoes with that at night. they are going to be dry interior the morning.