I know that this is a rhetorical question...of course it isn't. But why not? I have been on this thing religiously searching for answers for my new marriage. My husband cheated on me some months ago (we've only been married six months). He confessed (after I hounded him for a confession because I knew something wasn't right and he said he didn't cheat physically, but it was with someone that he's known for 30+ years and he left her for me) and since then apologized and went to counseling. However, as I stated on yesterday, I just found out a couple of days ago that the woman is still calling. I AM LIVID beyond imagination. I am a Christian and I know that two wrongs don't make anything right...but it hurts so bad. We don't have sex and what's even more hurtful is now I'm pregnant...I can feel myself losing myself because my husband has no idea the torment that I live in. I feel trapped to a certain extent and not sure if I want a divorce or not. I don't know what to do.
2007-01-23 09:13:19 · 14 answers · asked by PEACHFACE 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
NO, two wrongs do not make a right.
2007-01-23 09:21:18 · answer #1 · answered by nwnativeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm surprised that the counseling is not helping...It's time for a heart to heart talk with your husband, as well as a cold, hard look at your situation. He left her for you, you say? It's sounds as though there are still some feelings on his end, and some resentments on yours. Secondly, you are pregnant; concentrate on your child, not his behavior. You need to make a plan for: 1. If he stays, and gets his act together, and 2. If he leaves, what will you do. The fact that he didn't have sex with her doesn't mean that it can't happen, or hasn't happened. If the woman, however, is still calling and he has not discouraged the behavior, BIG RED FLAG. You need to sit down with him and calmly (trust me, I know that calm is the LAST thing you want to be...but try anyway) let him know that his calling is disrespecting your home and your peace of mind. Ask him how he would feel if you had a former lover calling the house. Talk to him honestly, and let him know that this is destroying your marriage. Also, the sexual issue...is there some physical reason for no intimacy? If not, you need to assess what is going on between the both of you. Did he want the child? Did you? Does he think sex will hurt the baby? Do you? This is where I have some difficulty. A good counselor would have brought up these questions and issues, and helped you to deal with them. You definitely need the counseling, but you may want to go with someone else. Regardless of all the other questions and situations, your first priority is the child; give yourself some de-stress time (stress is bad for the baby), step away from the situation for a little while, pray about it, and realize that if you stay, you need to deal with this head-on. If you leave, you need to have the resources to be a single parent. Good luck and God bless.
2007-01-23 17:29:45 · answer #2 · answered by soulguide70788 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want out of your marriage then get out... Two wrongs do not make a right so not i do not feel it is okay to cheat just because you have been hurt. Divorce him if you cannot forgive and work on your marriage and move on with your life. Get a divorce first though. You also need to be honest with your husband and tell him how you feel and why. Tell him you are not happy and that you do not know what to do... See what he has to say and how he responds. You will need counseling and help and possibly even marriage counseling to help you to even to start to heal from the pain this is caused. I feel for you.
2007-01-23 17:25:21 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear you. My ex and I were together for 5 years. He cheated on me, although he says that they never had sex that they only fooled around, it still killed me. He didn't move out becuase I couldn't bare to be without him. I was devastated and felt like everything was falling apart. What's worse was he acted like nothing happened. He didn't care how I was completely devastated. I ended up sleeping with a male friend of mine behind his back. He ended up finding out, he was mad at me and left. Although I was sad for some time I quickly got over him. I know it wasn't right to do what I did but it opened my eyes. I haven't been this happy in a long time.
Maybe you just need some time away from him. To be by yourself. Good luck and take care.
2007-01-23 17:25:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. Of course, the natural reaction after you've been cheated on is to cheat on them. However, since your not the initial cheater, I think this would make you feel even worse, especially being pregnant. If she's still contacting him, I would put my foot down NOW! It all stops, or you leave. Simple as that, no second or third chances. He's had one and that's enough.
2007-01-23 17:19:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not cheat on him...that just makes you as terrible as him. i would move if i were you. yall need to get away from that place so he is away from the temptation. also... call the b i t c h up and meet her. this will make u feel a lot better. i promise. it will be hard...but u need to do it to get over it. tell her nicely that u will make arrangements with ur cousin vinnie if she calls again. n ask her why she is still hung up on ur husband. dont divorce yet. u married the man 4 a reason. he cheated for a reason...maybe this will make yall stronger in the end.
2007-01-23 17:20:31 · answer #6 · answered by ♥ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will only take you down to his level if you retaliate w/ cheating. Then you will feel worse than him b/c you aren't that type of person. Show him that you have class and just walk away. You need to get yourself and your unborn child out of there and do what is best for the two of you. I read the question f/ yesterday and I think he sounds controlling and deceitful and purposely hurtful. RUN!!
2007-01-23 17:30:50 · answer #7 · answered by ksueditz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say GET DIVORCED. Your faith should NOT keep you in this toxic relationship. Cheating is ok, if there is a good explanation (ie: technically considering it 'cheating' because you felt bad about doing it when you were just DATING a guy). But i think you should do whats HEALTHIEST for you
2007-01-23 17:19:17 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
two wrongs don't make a right your right about that i don't know its hard when you love your husband and harder when your pregnant do what you feel is right for you and your baby your exspecting if he doesn't want to work out things then it might be best to let him go his way but thats up to you
2007-01-23 17:31:16 · answer #9 · answered by sweetgranny06 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a counselor. Your pain, hurt, anger are justified. Talking to a counselor will help you deal with them. It may even prevent you from making a rash decision that you may regret later.
2007-01-23 17:25:55 · answer #10 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋