children having children?

Question

my son is 20, having a baby w/ his girlfriend, she is 19, I'm happy but scared they'll put college on the backburner, I had him when I was 18, and I raised him by myself and raised him to want more without pushing too hard, maybe I didn't push hard enough? what do you think

Answer 1

You have done your job as a mother! You wil lnever stop being his mom, but there's not much you can do about it now. I consider talking to him and his girl and sitting them down, look up resources on the web about night classes or something like that. Tell him your concerns. But remember, they may not be his. My mom's dream growing up was to have children. That was it, not a nurse, or being a lawyer, she wanted to be a mom. Yes, my parents struggled when we were young, but we got through and turned into great people. If he and she are happy about this, don't be scared! Realize that you were a good mom, and being a good parent is all that matters to them at this point! If you taught him nothing but how to love a child, you did a great job!

Answer 2

My parents were also very young, (16 and 18) when I was born. I don't have children of my own, but I think I understand your situation.

The most important thing to remember is that your son is 20 years old. While I agree that he is very much still a child, he made it this far, and much of that would be because you did somewhat of a decent job rearing him.

It won't be easy for him, but he's 20, nothing is impossible at this point. Sometimes a child can help a person grow up and learn responsibility quickly. It's not ideal, but the situation could be far worse.

College isn't for everybody, and in many cases it doesn't hold the key to a better life. If it's something they really want, and you can help them, you should. But there are also plenty of programs, grants, and loans that they will be eligible for. Going to college with a child is not impossible, I have many friends who accomplished it without problems.

You can encourage all you want, but make sure that your desires are in line with his. He may still be your baby, but now he's going to have to be a man.

Stay positive.

Answer 3

hmm..to me when you reach 18 you are officialy an adult.

umm.. well if you feel like you didn't push him hard enough, there is still time!! :)..

you could say, "son, i really am excited and happy for you that you are having a child. BUT, i still want you and your girlfriend to finish college first. I think that would be the best for you and your baby."

jsut be gentle, and subtle with him. you don't wanna tell him what to do, or else he will get pissed at you so much.

discipline him in an understanding and mature, adult matter. i mean, he is 19, right?

Answer 4

You do the best you can as a parent and then children have their own lives and make choices that are not always good for them,but don't nag him about it you will only push him away.Don't try and get in these long drawn out conversations about it either just simply say i expect you to be a good dad because i raised you that way.I take it if you raised him then his dad wasn't in the picture so i would recommend to him to take a parenting class so he can help himself be a good father.I would suggest that to him also.

Answer 5

Ahh, you're son sounds really lucky to have a mum like you. We all want the best for our children, and sometimes that doesn't turn out to be high paying jobs, fancy houses or flash cars. Perhaps, this will be the best thing for him. Try not to worry about what could have been. This baby is happening right now and your family has overnight swelled in size. Be proud, be supportive, like it sounds like you are. I bet even if you could go back and have another stab at your young life as it was you wouldn't want to change a thing. You're going to be a Grandma soon, and it's a name you I'm sure will revel in. I bet even with all your worries about them, I bet there's something in you that can't wait to hold that little babba in your arms eh? Stop worrying and enjoy it. All the best and warm wishes to all of you.

Answer 6

We always want better for our children, it would be great if they could learn from our mistakes.

I'm sure you did a wonderful job raising him, stop worrying so much. Kids don't come with instructions (although it would be nice if they did, lol).

Our children haven't always made the choices we would have liked them to make either. I think as long as they know how much we love them, and that we will always be there for them, that's all anyone can ask.

Family is important, congratulations on your upcoming grandchild. Things have a way of working out, have a little faith. God bless and good luck.

Answer 7

I think that you just have to let him live his own life, but don't give him a crutch by constantly picking up the slack with baby care and financial help. If he has to learn to live on his own and accept his responsibilities, perhaps he will think twice about having another child in a year or two, thereby sealing his fate and almost certainly keeping him down as far as getting a college degree or a good job.

Answer 8

My husband and I are both 21- working full-time, and full-time students. I plan on taking a semester off when I have the baby and then return and funish school going part-time. My husband on the other had will continue to go to school. It sounds hard, but its possible. Just because he's having a baby doens't mean that he'll stop going or that he won't go back after some much needed time off (even students w/out kids sometimes need breaks). Just be patient and let him decide for himself.

Answer 9

Tough to say, but it is your son's experience- mistake or not. I think if you have "suggested" what you would do, then you have to respect their right to ignore you. My step-daughter is in an ugly spiral down, but she doesn't see it at 18yrs old. We all have 20/20 hindsight...but the baby is coming, and 20 years from now, they might feel this was the very best thing that could've happened. And it will be hard, together or alone.

Answer 10

Hmmm... as long as they are both happy, isn't that the important thing?

They have each another, and well, when you have that you feel like you can overcome any obstacle, and maybe you can. There really isn't anything you can do about it. It sounds like you raised a good son... at least he's taking responsibility, not like most men, who usually run especially when a child is coming in the picture.