They waited until our youngest was 20 before they tried to have communication with us. They told me to just 'give up my child' and have treated me like dirt. Christmas involves them removing themselves from a room that I am in. They tell my kids 'we wont do things with you because we really dont know you'. They never made an effort. Now they want us to be there for them in their old age. I want nothing to do with them, and I certianly do not want their bills. I have enough medical of my own to cover many years, but his mom was saying we are so in debt when we die you kids will have to share the responsibility of our bad money management. I asked my husband to cut off communications with them, he basically says "I will deal with it" and does not. I finally wrote a letter asking them to no longer communicate, and he wants ME to go to counseling because I hurt his dads feelings. Im ready to say the he** with it and be done with him and the whole family.
2007-01-23 08:14:09 · 8 answers · asked by whoknowsanymore 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
WOW! WHAT JERKS!
Same here. I know the feeling. But with me it's his sister who is viscous and aloof, but unfortunately runs the whole family.
I have cut off contact with her 8 years ago. I have been with my "quasi husand" for nearly 15 years. There's a reason he isn't my husband and we are childless, and I'm just realising the truth. It's because I didn't want to be anymore linked to his family.
The thing of it is... when I cut contact and demanded he confront her, disallowing her into our home, there was no other choice. We were seconds from splitting up and I was DAMN WELL SERIOUS. I was ready to end it and move out.
Now he's putting on me again, acting as if I'm the problem. Ad his family enables her and sides with her, but I know the truth.
And trust me, the truth and YOUR HAPPINESS is what matters.
LIFE IS VERY VERY VERY SHORT, don't spend the rest of it unhappy.
If he wants to "deal with it" maybe he should do so alone.
2007-01-23 08:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by mia b 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know her hurt and angry. My parents had two families, my brother and younger sister, and my twin sister and I did not even get the time of day until they got sick. I did what I could , but I did not take them into my home to care for them. I know my mother did not want to be put in a nursing home, but I just could not deal with her always saying where is my younger sister or brother when I was taking care of her at her house much less doing that at my home. Do what you have to do so you have clear concious, but nothing more. Your husband will have to do the same thing. Do what you must but nothing more. If they ask why tell them what goes around comes around. I did tell my mother that and she said well I did the best I could. I stated right back it was not very good and you played favorites and you know it. She never answered me and never questioned me again. You are not liable for your parents bills. If they miss managed there money that badly shame on them it is not your responsiblity. Make sure your husband know he is not responsible either. You two need to get with a lawyer and counciler and discuss your options. Good Luck and God Bless.
2007-01-23 08:53:58 · answer #2 · answered by springer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What line has hubby crossed? What line have his folks crossed? I see a lot of talk, but little action, other than yours.
His folks certainly will not win any awards.
You don't have to communicate with his parents, but expecting him to not communicate is unreasonable.
Just because they say you guys will have to bail them out doesn't mean you have to.
You and your husband must agree on what each of you will do.
You cannot decide for him if he will talk to his parents or not.
You can decide together how you want to handle your money.
I'm sorry they didn't agree with your choices about your son. I too would not want to help them.
However, don't place your husband in an impossible situation. If he wants to give up one of his personal pleasures to help his parents, that is one thing.
If he wants to use money that you normally use to help them, that is quite another.
Maybe his way of dealing with it is to let his parents talk, but then he does nothing.
You didn't mention if he actually pays their bills, or if they just expect him to pay some or all of the bills.
Since you say he doesn't deal with it, I'm inclined to believe he is doing nothing to help them as well.
If he is helping, then make sure it comes out of "his allowance." and not "your allowance" or the household budget.
Give him room to spend "his money" as he pleases, and stop trying to control him.
2007-01-23 08:23:47 · answer #3 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You hurt his Dad's feelings? Shame on you, How about the fact that they hurt his children's feelings and his, let alone yours, for how many years? You are so on the right page, However, Your hubby seems to be completely in a another chapter. if he feels guilty now that they are getting old and find themselves unable to do what they use to and thinks he can get his parents back, let him deal with it. If need be, put a second phone line in that gives him the only personal link to his parents....
2007-01-23 08:52:31 · answer #4 · answered by á?¦à®?á?¦ Mo á?¦à®?á?¦ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They waited 20 years to communicate? Thats a long time. What happened? Just forget them. They sound like terrible people.
2007-01-23 08:19:52 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like your husband will be taking care of these DEBTS even though children arent responisble for them, what if the father dies first and the mother "needs" support. if your husband, your "life partner" the man who is supposed understand and take your side is not doing anything about this situation. his dads feelings needed to be hurt and your husband needs to be the one going to counseling for not sticking up for himself and his own family. you need to get out of there fast, unless you want to be broke again for you husbands parents debt. sorry
2007-01-23 08:47:08 · answer #6 · answered by MARY M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
so all along, all this 25 years of putting up with this, you kept thinking he would change? And you are just now coming to the conclusion that he isn't?
2007-01-23 08:20:21 · answer #7 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
just let it go...remove yourself from the situation....why are you creating all this drama...you can't change them and what's done is done....and they can die in serious debt...that is not your issue or the issue of any of their children...the debts will be taken out of whatever is in their estate when they die....no child is ever responsible for the debt of the parents ....so stop worrying about that.....and they are his parents so stop badgering him about them....just step back and forget about it...good luck
2007-01-23 08:26:08 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋