I have been dating my boyfriend "A" for nearly four months now. He's constantly calling me, he's so very sweet, and he spoils me rotten. He got me an iPod nano, && some other stuff for Christmas. I try to spoil him, too and we hang out constantly.
I have a good guy friend "C" I met at wakeboarding camp. He lives about two hours away, and we've met up twice since I've been dating "A." Both times we've messed around a bit.
The weird thing is, I don't have any feelings for "C." He knows I have a boyfriend and he knows I really like "A" but "C" thinks I'll eventually date him. If anything, cheating on my boyfriend just makes me like him more. Messing around with "C" was really lame compared to how "A" && I can be together, and I guess the cheating helped me realize that.
The problem is... I kinda like balancing two guys, especially since one of them is okay with it. They both have their uses. What's my deal?!
2007-01-23 08:11:08 · 20 answers · asked by Roni L 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Admittingly I was like this too until I found Mr. Right.
I think it was a ego thing with me on two different respects.
One I LOVED the attention I was getting and both of the relationships had their merit. Also I was getting different things (not material) from each person. The one I was absolutely in love with "A" was romantic and wonderful and would have given me the world. My "C" was a little dangerous, all the girls wanted him, he could sing better than anyone I knew, and he wanted me. (This is only one example)
Two, I think I was a little scared to be alone, or maybe a lot scared. I knew if I always kept one on the back burner he would be my fall out guy. This way I wouldn't have to pine away and mourn my relationship with "A" when it came to an end which it will eventually if you keep cheating.
It took me a long time to learn this, I'm just really glad I did before I settled down to have a family.
2007-01-23 08:18:16 · answer #1 · answered by Heather S 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nothing is wrong with you, there are a couple of things going on possibly.
1. You like the stealth and dagger stuff of doing something that society deems "wrong". It kind of gives and adrenaline rush.
2. You are not the type of person to live within societal norms of you can only have one person at a time, because society thinks that we are too immature to deal with more than one at a time.
3. Society and it's restrictions that it places on people are so stupid and stringent that you have evolved past that childish point. You have mentally realized that different people can mean different things to you. Someone can give you emotional support, for example, and you can still want to play around.
4. Monogamy is BS and is actually not intended for humans. Humans are not made to have only one mate. Hence you actually are normal and the rest of society with their religious based relationship and sexual system are crazy and bound to fail.
You are just fine, just make sure that going forward that all parties realize what is happening. If they agree to that then that is ok, and if not then you must respect them for their opinions. There are many people in emotional relationships where they realize that they can play with other people and it does not harm the relationship. You do not have a cheating problem.
2007-01-23 08:27:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So here's the thing: there's a time and a place in your life for an absolutely monogamous relationship.
And it doesn't sound like you're in that time or place in your life.
And that's OKAY, as long as you're not hurting anyone -- including yourself. (I believe that violating the trust of an intimate relationship injures yourself, even if the other person never finds out about it.)
So the question is, does "A" think he is in an exclusive relationship with you? Have you two sat together and said "We're not going to date anybody else," or not? If you have... then yeah, you've got a cheating problem, but it's still fairly minor, and it can even be beneficial to show you the difference between messing around and being in love with somebody.
And as for the way you "kinda like balancing two guys," well of COURSE -- that's why people cheat, it's fun to have the variety, to be a different person with each of them, to be WITH a different person, and to have the extra stimulation of having more than one sweetie. The thing is, if "A" thinks you're in an exclusive relationship with him, then you're deceiving him -- whether he knows it or not -- and this isn't good, because every day that passes "trains" you that it's okay to deceive people who care about us. And that's a way of living that is going to cause you problems later in life, because you will never really be able to trust your own integrity -- and sooner or later, this lack of integrity will show up in other areas of your life.
So it's all about where you are in life, where your partners think they are with you, and what your own integrity is worth to you. There are times in anyone's life when going out with more than one person can be not only harmless, but a valuable and enjoyable experience that gives you great possibility for personal growth and maturity as well. Or it can mean shame and disappointment and hurt. It's all in where you are in life and what your agreements are with "A" -- "C" knows the score and is okay with it, because he's getting to mess around with you for free. It's your relationship with "A" that you need to look at.
2007-01-23 08:37:51 · answer #3 · answered by Scott F 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its just the thrill of doing something wrong and getting away with it.Problem is you just might bring back "A" some "VD" which would take some very good medicine to cure and then cause you to be dumped and loose what you should be respecting.Especially when you know he cares about you and does all those nice things.Go grow up and take some responsibility for your actions and stop playing with "c" before "A" finds out and goes "A"wall on you!
2007-01-23 08:17:22 · answer #4 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You're immature and selfish. Serious relationships are based on love and respect, you are showing your boyfriend neither. He deserves better than you are giving him. He also deserves to know the truth. Maybe he'd like to "mess around" too.
If you want to "mess around" with other people, just be honest and admit it, stay single. How would you feel if your boyfriend was doing the same thing to you?
Obviously you aren't ready for any committed relationships, good luck.
2007-01-23 08:17:51 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's normal, and nobody is perfect and who are we to judge, you are just bored with routine your boyfriend he is not challenging enough. Most of us find ourselves locked into the "Norm". Well you can either except what you are doing and do nothing or tell your boyfriend get ready for him to dump you and you can be free to do as you please without potentially hurting someone who really cares about you. Plus you are not married so maybe you should enjoy your "Cake" while it is still available for you to eat. Good luck and try not to hurt "A". he seems really cool.
2007-01-23 08:19:55 · answer #6 · answered by nina_ross692000 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you like the rush from cheating at least break up with "A" and find someone else to cheat on "C" with.
You think you might have a cheating problem?????Here's a reality check...you are incredibly selfish. That's your real problem.
Your boyfriend is the victim in this and his heart is the one on the line...its girls like you who hurt and ruin good guys like "A" for the rest of us!
2007-01-23 08:22:26 · answer #7 · answered by curious 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Play with fire, and you're going to get burned. Sure, it's exciting to shuffle two boyfriends, but if A finds out about C, he's going to dump you. Is it worth the risk?
How would you feel if A were seeing someone on the side?
.
2007-01-23 08:14:09 · answer #8 · answered by FozzieBear 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
it sounds like you still have some realtionship problems with yourself you may think you need towo guys ... even if this does make you like the other more it is not fair to this guy that does not know he may love you or like you a lot and no one ever deserves to be cheated on you are supposed to put your whole heart into a realtionship you are only putting half and then going behind his back please for his sake tell him or dump him and never do it again if you like to be with lots of guys then break up with them nad date freely nad let your partners know that you want mess around with others i guess to me it sounds like you would be one of those girls to ruin another persons life by the rate you are going go see a therapist and tell her why you like cheating and lying to people
2007-01-23 08:17:17 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
maybe you have a really high IQ and aren't satisfied with regular stuff? maybe you are immature and not ready for a committed relationship? maybe you have the tendancy to sabatoge and self-destruct because you don't think you deserve a great, nice guy?
2007-01-23 08:16:29 · answer #10 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋