I'm a newly wed with a wonderful husband that does not abuse me in any way but he has extreme trouble with showing affection or passion in our relationship unless I'm mad or angry at him. On a monthly basis, we get into huge conflicts over his lack of sex drive and affection and he always promises to get better but doesn't. I'm a very very loving affectionate and sensual person and I initiate everything with him and I'm so tired of always making the first move with him. He has told me that he will never be the super "romantic type" but I feel so lonely, ugly and undesired. I love him but I feel very torn in our new marriage. BTW..He doesn't have any problems getting it up if you know what I mean. How can I show him how this's ruining our marriage?
2007-01-23 08:02:50 · 9 answers · asked by caramelcutie20745 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
How long did you date him before you married him? Was this a complete surprise to you?
Some people have a lower sex drive than others, it isn't always an "issue" unless their partner has a stronger sex drive. Obviously this is a problem for you, you need to have a serious talk with your husband.
Couples counseling may help you, if nothing else, it may help you decide if this is something you want to live with. It's a shame that this is an issue so early in your marriage.
This is a serious issue, you need to seek some professional help with it. I wish you both luck.
2007-01-23 08:14:35 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excluding pre-marital sex... since this is not appropriate... Did you notice that he was "less than affectionate" prior to marriage? If the answer is yes... then you should have seriously considered not marrying if you believed it would eventually be an issue.
Prehaps you both should have considered pre-marital counseling. But now that you've got yourself into this... you need to make the best of the worst situation... so go to marriage counseling now and work with what you have. No need in throwing out the baby with the bath water.
2007-01-23 08:09:46 · answer #2 · answered by 247 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is your problem? Why do you marry someone, fully knowing that they're incompatible with you in some important way, and then spend your days complaining about it? He is the way he is, you knew it, but married him anyway. Aren't there ANY redeeming qualities in him at all? If you can't accept the fundamental part of this personality, you should leave before you waste any more time, and look for someone who is more compatible with you. You can't change someone by marrying them - they remain the same ol' person after marriage that they were before it. If the only reason you married him was that he "didn't abuse you" - you need to raise your standards and work on your self-esteem. Good luck.
2007-01-23 08:30:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in the exact same situation. I have not had sex with my spouse in over two years because of lack of passion, desire etc. A marriage without sex will NOT survive. You must tell him this is ruining your marriage, seek counseling if needed. Otherwise, you will end up cheating because your needs are not being met. Believe me, I'm speaking from experience and my marriage is close to being over because there have been no changes.
2007-01-23 08:23:06 · answer #4 · answered by Perplexed 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Never yell at someone over a lack of sex drive. Pressure is the #1 killer of sex drive.
That's not to say you don't have a legitimate problem. When everyone is calm (NOT after a failed attempt) ask him what you can do to help him. Go to counselling if needed.
Don't give up yet!!! You have too much to lose.
2007-01-23 08:08:48 · answer #5 · answered by fucose_man 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you said I do to the question about for better or worse...were you just kidding? Didn't you have a long enough dating, engagement period?
Suddenly as a newlywed, you are thinking whoops?
Grow up girl...face your decisions and do your best to make it work. As a last resort.....If it can't, take responsibility for your actions and have an amicable seperation. No financial settlements, just go your own ways.
Hopefully if that is the case, you take what you have learned into the next relationship.
2007-01-23 08:13:39 · answer #6 · answered by I know for sure 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with him and be honest with him about how you are feeling and why... Try new things with him in and out of the bedroom. He may need counseling or help to know how to show you affection and passion... Have him talk with his doctor about this. You may need marriage counseling as well.
2007-01-23 08:25:24 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not ruining your marriage, you are just being selfish. He was probably like that for years and you, like so many people, were just itching to get married that you over looked the fact that he wasn't your knight in shining armour...now the elation of marriage of getting and being married has settled and you want the world. Time to get off the high horse.
2007-01-23 08:09:04 · answer #8 · answered by Cyber Stalker 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Husbands lose affection after the wedding ceremony. I have the same problem. It takes work.
2007-01-23 08:16:44 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋