How do I tell my husband that I love him but I am no longer in love with him?

Question

I pine away every evening just waiting for him to leave for work so I can have some peace. He's not horrible I just want to be alone again. I miss my space.

Answer 1

I don't know how long you have been married or how old you are, but I do know that the grass isn't always greener on the other side, and be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

That being said, sometimes in a marriage one or both parties may feel trapped, frustrated, or as if they are suffocating. It does not necessarily mean that you no longer love the other person. We all have high expectations of what marriage will be like and when things don't turn out that way, we are disappointed. Sometimes we get into a rut and feel bored with the same routine. We know exactly what the other person will say and do, your activities are predictable, and there is no more excitement. What was once a time of adventure, laughter, entertainment, going out with friends, late nights talking on the phone, walking on the beach, staying out too late, dancing, and having sex, has now been replaced with responsibilities, paying bills, work, taking care of the home, kids (if there are kids) adult responsibilities, etc.
It is important to keep the fun we had before marriage in our marriage. Go out on dates again, have a late night dinner and talk about anything other than responsibilities, bills, kids, ect. Find the love you once had for one another, Go on vacation, if that's possible. Enjoy one another again, especially in the bedroom.
Try anything possible to save your marriage. Don't give up too quickly.Counselling might be one place to start.

You say you want to be alone again because you miss your space. I know what it's like to be alone and it's not a happy place after a while. You may have fun for a while, but then you may regret your decision and it may be too late.

Don't be too hasty. Talk to your husband about your feelings (not that you're not in love with him) let him know you feel you're in a rut, you're not happy,etc. If he truly loves you, he will want to try saving the marriage. Say a pray and ask God to help give you wisdom in this situation.

If nothing works, try separating for a while and maybe after a little space, things may look clearer.
I hope all goes well with whatever you decide.
God Bless You

Answer 2

If that's how you truly feel then he deserves to know the truth. Put yourself in his place, wouldn't you want to know if the person you were married to wasn't in love with you? You owe him the truth.

I don't know how long you have been married or if you have children. Just because you are no longer "in love" with your husband doesn't automatically mean you don't have feelings for him. If he's a good person I'm sure this is difficult for you.

I don't know why everyone assumes that when two people divorce one of them has to be the "bad guy". Sometimes people just grow apart, it doesn't mean one or both of them are "bad".

If you want to be alone again and miss it, it's time for you to talk to your husband. Sometimes an outside opinion can help you work through your feelings. Only you know if there is anything left to work with.

I wish you the best, good luck.

Answer 3

That's what you say. "I love you, but I am no longer in love with you". Be honest with him, he deserves it.
I was in a marriage very much like the one you are describing.
My husband was not a bad guy at all, he was not abusive, he was not a bad father, or a bad provider. I just was not happy.
I to waited for him to leave so that I could have my space.
It was a terrible way to live.
After 10 years of marriage and two children we divorced. He remarried and I am still happily single, that was 18 years ago.
Honesty is always going to be the best policy.
Good Luck

Answer 4

I am w / ya on that ,I am so done w/ eggshell walking: wondering what next put down Im gonna hear or When I will get pushed b/c I said something he didn't like,being woke up from a dead sleep b/c hes mean& hatefull & worst of all wondering where he is b/c the drunken friends took him out the night before & its 6:30am.My children have woke up several times w/ drunks on my couch .He has put our lives through a nightmare now its time to walk away. He never appreciated nothing & when he said he did ya had to think to yourself is he lying ... OH .... he must want something.So the answer to your question is Just tell him but be careful he don;t take a swing!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

It doesnt so much sound like you arent in love with him any more so much as you just need space. It sounds like you are just unhappy because you arent getting the "me" time that every person needs. Some just need more of it then others. My husband and I have gotten in to fights a couple times over me crowding him and smothering him. That sounds bad on my part but he just needs more time for himself then I do and so he feels sometimes that I smother him. Its not that he dont love me he just needs that time. So instead of telling your husband that you arent in love with him anymore sit down with him and tell him how you have been feeling about needing space. You two should be able to work something out.

Answer 6

because of the fact of a prior relationship???? Sorry, yet it particularly is stupid. His indifference in direction of you is making you like him greater and probable attempt too difficult. it would desire to no longer be undemanding, yet get out and carry out a little procuring, have some coffee, so some thing! detect a activity to occupy a number of your day. How a pair of area time interest? Him guard of your love? It looks such as you're no longer guard of his. Do the small issues that make a marriage large.. discuss with him "how became your day", take a seat to dinner with him, and spend time at the same time at night. do no longer purely tell him you like him, teach him, yet do it with out needless to say searching for his reaction. enable his love come from him at this is very own %., do no longer attempt and rigidity it. you purely have administration of what YOU do and the form you react. He ought to recover from this in case you enable him and not attempt and rigidity him.

Answer 7

Is this really something you want to tell him? When you married him to begin with, what attracted you to him? Are you able to find that again? In a marriage, our feelings will wane up and down. My ex father-in-law was a minister (yes, I'm divorced, but now happily engaged) and he told my ex-husband and me when he married us that in a marriage, you have to decide every day that you want to be married to that person. Doing so will help you to live one day at a time and will help you through the ebs and flows of marriage. I divorced my husband after 20 years of marriage, not because I was no longer in love with him, but because he hurt me and betrayed my trust in the most horrible and cruel of ways (kidnapping my daughter and keeping her from me the day before my terminally ill father died, so that he could prevent me from leaving the state to visit my father). For the last 2 years of my marriage, I was no longer in love with my husband. Still, I was committed to the marriage out of a sense of commitment. It was only when he betrayed my trust in this manner that I realized that the marriage was no longer worth saving because people who love each other do not do such cruel things to one another. My point to you is this: I think if your husband has not done anything to merit you hurting him, then you should not tell him that you are no longer in love with him. That will just break his heart. Instead, I think you should take that time when he is away from you to do something positive and fulfilling for yourself, and then you should make a point of finding one thing each day that you appreciate about your husband. Surely there have to be a few things. I think that once you start to focus on the positive traits your husband brings to your marriage, you will not be so annoyed when he is around you as much. I think you should also talk to him about your feelings without telling him what you said in this forum. I think you should tell him that you don't feel close to him like you once did and that you want to rekindle your relationship. Give him a chance to woo you back and earn your affections again. I also think that you should seek out counseling to give you a chance to talk to someone who can help you figure out why you feel the way you do and what you can do about your marriage. Speaking as a divorced person, I know how horribly painful it is to go through a divorce, no matter if it is a necessary thing or not. I know you were not talking about divorce, but if you tell your husband you are no longer in love with him, that might be the path you could embark on. Find chances to have your space and tell your husband you need it. We all need our space. He needs to respect your need for space. Still, if you are feeling repelled at all by being around him, then something is terribly wrong, and I think you should really talk to a counselor about it. Best of luck to you.

Answer 8

So how long have you been married? It is not a problem to need ones space but wishing him to leave for you to have your own space seems to be an issue to me.

Have you given your marriage enough time to develop and mature? Are you or he very young?

Unless you have been married for decades, try and work it out through communicaiton. You DID marry for better or worse right?

Answer 9

that is a hard thing to tell someone i went through it with my first husband it hard when you love them but your not in love and you cant stay in a relationship when you are not happy you really need to sit him down and explain to him how you feel and maybe take some time for yourself being away from him may make you realize you really are in love you just needed your space for awhile then again it may reasure you of your feelings now either way it isnt fair to either of you to stay in this relationship if the love isnt there anymore good luck to you

Answer 10

Maybe you need to NOT say that at all. Maybe instead you need to say that you are craving time and space to yourself, and see how the both of you can work on that together. You never know, you might find the right compromise and suddenly realize you do love him, but were unhappy for other reasons.