What do you think. I know people ask this alot but I guess I am to much of a coward to ask someone in person?

Question

Moonlight filtered through the canopies of manicured trees, dispersing a fragmented light across the surrounding palace gardens. The pungent aroma of ripe pomegranates satiated the idle, evening air. Its narcotic effect was suffocating and intoxicating. Serpentine pathways meandered in and out of the lush fernery, winding and twisting, then slipping into the dark shadows of distant trees. Florid displays of orchids were artfully arranged throughout the landscape, their iridescence was worthy of admiration. Yet, they seemed to have an affected brilliance as if they were given to exhibitionism. Their flashiness, however, was in vain for more glaring sprays of yellow hyacinths easily subdued them.
The restive stillness of the scene was soon unsettled by an ominous, impaling scream. The distant sounds of men’s voices, which were previously unnoticed or ignored, were now heard. The clangor of metallic objects echoed down the palace corridors like a thunderous prelude to an incoming storm.
Suddenly from amidst the rising tumultuous climate a young woman and two small children emerged. The woman was cloaked by a capacious light-blue shroud that left only her face and hands visible. She had the soft, dollish face of a woman no more than twenty. Her warm cheeks were pink from exasperation. Her flushed lips parted with every exhalation. Her emerald eyes were red and swollen with tears compromising their widely admired radiance. Her companions, two three year -old boys were seemingly oblivious to their threatened position. Their wrinkled nightclothes and matted hair were indicative of a disturbed nights rest. The most striking feature of the two boys however was not their clothing, their hair, nor their impressive youth but the fact that they were completely identical. They shared the same blue eyes, the same dusky hair, and the same drowsy expression.
The woman was becoming increasingly pale. Her palms were cold and sweated. It was nearly impossible to keep a tight grip on the children’s arms. The children’s lack of momentum was vexing. They only thought of the situation as an inconvenience something they did not want any part of. So like other young boys their age they became resistant. They pulled on the woman’s arms with all their strength using their weight to their full advantage. The woman felt this and being familiar with their juvenile character became slightly annoyed. But this feeling was passing. Too many other more pressing emotions surged through her body; it was not possible or permissible to address such a trivial one.

Answer 1

It's a bit disgusting in its floweriness. I couldn't push my way through the entire section. Part of the problem is the unnatural amount of description. Part of the problem is the total lack of useful punctuation within your sentences.
For example:
So like other young boys their age they became resistant.

It should be:
So, like other young boys their age, they became resistant.

Try tucking your description in over a few pages instead of trying to fit it all in the first long paragraph.

Answer 2

Not exactly a romantic way to ask a girl out. especially on a first date. Texting is by nature short and lacks meaning, so you were right there. Be honest with yourself, if you can't even ask her out, face to face how are you going to handle the actual date itself? You can't text your date to her. At least if you intend to take the Coward's way out, use a little romance in it. Visit Hallmark or some other card store and see if you can't find some really nice card that comes close to what you wish to say to her. Then add you're own words at the bottom. Reading your question, it seems to me although you're shy, you don't lack communication skills. So if you can do that here, I'm sure you can find the right words on a Friend card. Just be honest with her, I'm sure she will appreciate you all the more for that.

Answer 3

Is this a vocabulary quiz?
Sorry, honey- this goes back on the shelf; it's horrible.
You know a lot of big words but "sprays of hyacinths?" Hyacinths are short and not given to sprays. And you obviously have never seen orchids growing outside. Come on-use of too many adjectives doen't paint a picture- it shows off vocabulary.
Take a course, and the professor will get you writing what you know first. Then you'll be able to work into what you imagine.
Plot is more important than going on and on describing a scene- I'd rather find out what happens.

Answer 4

Another word for satiated.
So like other young boys their age. You need to change that bit. Otherwise It sounds good so far.

Answer 5

yes

Answer 6

I like it...keep going with that if it's all you have so far.

Answer 7

very good. I'd read the book.

Answer 8

what is that from ? or did you write it ? either way i wouldn't mind reading more.

Answer 9

google "purple prose" and then come back.

Answer 10

very descriptive very good'