Married to an Arab Man who does not want children with me.?

Question

My husband is muslim and we been married now for six months. I am getting close to not being at the age to have children and he is refusing to have a child with me. He claims that he is afraid I will lose the baby as I had once before. But while we were dating he told me once that he only wanted children with one woman. Well he did not marry her and he claims he loves me but is this love. Are there any Arab men or women out here that can give me some answers...What is going on with my husband. I want a baby!

Maybe he just wants his Green Card and Citizenship to the US? I hate to think this. But the baby issue is causing me to question his love for me and doubting everything about him. Maybe I should file for divorce in the morning.

Answer 1

You should remind him of Shari'ah (Islamic Law) on this subject.

Islam encourages the young Muslims to get married and have children. The Prophet [sallallaahu alayhi wasallam] said, 'O young people, whoever of you can afford it, let him get married. It helps restrain the eyes and preserve the private parts. But if he cannot afford it, let him fast, for it works as a preventative.'

He also said, 'Marry fertile women, I will be showing off your large number of the day of resurrection.'


This also applies to the husband with regard to good conduct and fear of Allah, for raising children requires the efforts of both parents not just one of them. Since man is the head of the family, it is his responsibility to choose a pious woman to be the mother of his children. Allah states, 'O you who believer, protect yourselves and your families from a fire whose fuel is man and stones.' (66:6)

Marriage In The Eyes of Allah
It is very sad that this relationship which Allah (SWT) has established for the good has been made a source of contention, deception, trickery, tyranny, humiliation, and abuse. This is not the way marriage is supposed to be.

Allah (SWT) described marriage very differently in the Holy Quran: '... He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts) . . . " (Holy Quran 30:21, Yusuf Ali Translation).

In per-Islamic Arabia birth control was practiced mostly by “coitus interruptus” (‘azl). There are three well-known Hadith on the subject of ‘azl and they are mutually contradictory. According to one, the Prophet (pbuh) is reported to have referred to ‘azl as a ‘lesser infanticide’. This is contracted by a second one that narrates that a man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said, “We practice ‘azl, but we have some Jewish neighbors who say that this is a lesser infanticide.” The Prophet (pbuh) responded by saying, “they are lying. It is not a lesser infanticide. You may practice it, but if God has predetermined for a child to be born, it will be born.” The third Hadith is inconsistent with both of these. It states that a companion of the Prophet (pbuh) said “We used to practice ‘azl (during the Prophet’s (pbuh) lifetime), and he knew about it while the Quran was also being revealed, but the Quran did not prohibit it”. Because two of the three Hadith indicate that the Prophet (pbuh) gave either verbal, or tacit, approval to the practice of ‘azl, progressive or “liberal” Muslims adopt the position that the Hadith literature sanctions family planning.

All the five major Schools of Law in Islam, namely, the Hanafi, Maliki, Shafi’i, Hanabali, and Ja’fari, permit the practice do ‘azl. Whereas the Shafi’i School allows contraception unconditionally to the husband, who need not do it with the consent of the wife, the other four schools permit the practice of ‘azl only with the consent of the wife. The practice of contraception is forbidden by the medieval Spanish Muslims Ibn Hazm’s Zahiri, or literalist, School, which had few followers. It is also allowed by the Zaidi and the Isma’ili Schools.

It may be of interest to mention that several medieval jurists permitted not only contraception but also abortion within four months of pregnancy before the “ensoulment” of the fetus. In general, Muslim jurist have held two opposing views on abortion. The first that it is totally forbidden. This view is held by the majority of the Maliki School, whereas a small minority permits abortion within 40 days of conception. The Ja’fari School also prohibits abortion. The second view is that abortion is permissible until “ensoulment” which is generally believed to occur after 120 days of conception. This view is held by the Hanafi School, the Shafi’i School. The Hanbali School, and the Zaidi School although there are differences in opinion among individual jurist regarding the time of “ensoulment” and whether a compelling reason is required for abortion.


Also the body can not be changed in order to prevent a child. So Mulsim women can not have their tubes tied and Muslim men can not have a vasectomy.

Answer 2

Hey, I am sorry that you are struggling with this and I will first say I am not Arab or familar with a lot of views but I do not think this issue is one base on culture or ethinic background. I am a woman who was once married to a man who did not desire children either and I believe that this issue is bases on insecurity due to the man's finance's, lifestyle and commitment level. He may not want a child due to anyone of these reasons and I will assure you that this is a problem facing all people and cultures. I am a bit unclear on the "other woman" and assume you are talking about a lady that he was previously involved with, if that is the case then you will have to decide for yourself if he still longs for the relationship or if he truly desires you. I also strongly believe that the desicion to have children needs to be a mutual desicion that can not be undone once made and that perhaps you could find someone to talk to that is a third party to help support both of you in any choice that is made. Good Luck

Answer 3

if you don't have a child while you can hes family will marry him to someone they will pick and she will have the child.see in Islam the men can marry 4 women together at the same time and sometimes they do it with out the knowledge of the women secretly,my father did it then he divorced my mother,I'm not trying to scare you but it happens a lot usually they marry the women to stay in the country and later on they leave and go marry there own kind i know. if he doesn't want a child then that's because he wants a clean way out when its time to go because children tend to cause a big problem.or maybe he still has unsolved feelings and is waiting for her.in my opinion know your position before its to late. and please give me a break he doesn't want children, all Muslims claim that money and children are gods gifts {almal wa elbanon} and certainly his family is not gonna want him to not have a child in his life to take his name as they say have a son to have his back in his old days. and sorry to say this but they really know love interesting i lived a long couple of years in an Arab country studding and i didn't see that. what i saw was that boys are important and girls less but having a lot of girls will get you to heaven. be careful!

Answer 4

It's not about being an Arab or a Muslim. You should divorce him and find a man who wants a family. You made a mistake in marrying him.

Answer 5

You better listen to him, because Arabs believe if you have children those children belong to him and if marriage doesn't work. He'll take the children back to Arabia and you can't get those children back they want help you in the states to get your children back. Didn't you see the where this Arab man took his little girl back and she hired people to help to go in that country and steal her child back. They made a movie out of that story I think the name was ."I Want my Child Back'', Oprah Winfrey had this lady on her show so better be careful with what you ask for.

Answer 6

is he from Yemen? if yes he already has another wife and kids. I'm sorry to say that but i know a lot Arabs in the same situation.

Answer 7

well im not an arab woman but maybe if he doesnt want to try again you could adopt...there are plenty of children out there that want a mother just as bad as you want a baby.

good luck

Answer 8

first make sure he really loves you and if his plans are to go back and have a life in his country.be really care full because if you have a baby he might take him to his country. i recommend you to watch this movie NOT WITHOUT MY DAUGHTER.don't get me wrong i am dating a guy from pakistan (2 years) but he is been in USA since he was 6 and never went back . he is muslim. they are really loving and caring.please make sure if he isnot too interested and getting his green card. good luck

Answer 9

im sorry to break it to you, but i dont think he really *loves* you the way you think he does
it usually doesnt work out when an arab marries a non-arab *USUALLY* *this might not be the case* *i might be wrong*


good luck

Answer 10

maybe he's scared you might loose the baby again. Or if you are getting older, maybe he would like it to be just the two of you now. and no children.