I have been married 9 months as of yesterday and on New Years Day my husband told me that he wants a divorce. How do I fight for a marriage that he won't and what is the best option for me?
2007-01-23 07:06:39 · 26 answers · asked by mom0f2boys04 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He said he wants a divorce because of his kids.. they don't like me or something like that.. I am 29 and he is 31. My best friend and I think that he is going to go back to his ex wife ( who left him while he was deployed in Iceland for his best friend)...
2007-01-23 07:16:29 · update #1
This was also after we buried his mother from Pancreatic Cancer... I took care of her while him and his father worked.. I bathed her, fed her, made sure she took her pills... he's in the military so they allowed him to go up to ME for 6 months... she died on Dec 7 and I was told Jan 1...
2007-01-23 07:22:19 · update #2
I've been in your shoes, so I think it would be fair to say this safety without feeling I hope I gave you good advice.
Don't worry about where he's going or who to.
Even if his children like or don't like you is not the question.
Right now think of what is best for you.
The length of marriage is not to be judged here but what you can do to save yourself.
You need to get prepared to move on - Emotionally and fancifully.
HAVE A BACK UP PLAN !
Ask yourself these questions:
1. Do you really want to stay in a marriage that has no trust never alone respect for you.
2. Am I not worth happiness, love and acceptance.
There is no value in relationship without Honor, trust or respect.
Sounds like you have low self steam.
You are special, Never ever forget that.
Good luck
2007-01-23 07:33:51 · answer #1 · answered by Bluelady... 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing why he wants a divorce, it is difficult to give an answer, but nevertheless, if you still want the marriage but he does not, you both obviously want different things. This can happen after 9 months or 9 years. The level of commitment and success for any marriage is a commitment from both partners. If one feels obligated to stay, it may look like a marriage, but it will be more like a prison. Try to be happy by yourself before you try to be happy with another. Good luck.
2007-01-23 15:12:32 · answer #2 · answered by RunsWithKnife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to say that you can't make his stay with you!! You have to try to move on, 9 months isn't a long time maybe you should think of what kind of man he really is and if he is worth all this. You will find a more mature man that doesn't run out after 9 months when the going gets rough!! Good Luck hang in their it gets better. You don't need or want a man who doesn't take his marriage vows seriously do you!!
2007-01-23 15:12:26 · answer #3 · answered by The_Game 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I'm dealing with the same horrible feeling right about now, my Hubie and I were together around 8mo, then one day it all fell apart, we've separated for 5mo now and he's no where to be found, I can't even find find to get a divorce much less closer. I hate to say it, ( telling myself too) but it's a two Way street and a realtionship ( marriage) takes two you both have to be willing to give and take, and sounds like he's willing to take but not give, so you can either stay and fight for something you know in your heart won't work, or move on with your life.Its going to be hard at times it will seem impossible, but you got to do whats right for you and put a big period at the end of that life you had together and find somebody who will treat you right. Me too.
2007-01-23 17:40:35 · answer #4 · answered by D lux 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, if your husband is unwilling to go to counseling and try to save your marriage, there's very little you can do. Some people have to loose in order to see what they had. However, sometimes it's just not worth all the trouble and heartache. Again, I would first ask him to go to counseling with you. If he refuses to, then cut the cord and let him go. I'm sure there's someone out there who's going to love you, respect you and honor the vow he made to you.
Hang in there honey. Life goes on. Although it's painful right now, it will pass. Just give it time. Focus on you right now. Even if your husband doesn't want to see a counselor, you go see one. It will help you vent, grieve and move on. Good luck!
2007-01-23 15:17:31 · answer #5 · answered by jazz_lover_25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is absolutely nothing to fight about here. If someone wants out of a marriage, why would you want to hold on? You have no real investment here to save after only nine months and apparently no children. I say move on and choose better next time.
2007-01-23 15:10:33 · answer #6 · answered by Dovie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry. That's a tough thing to go through. I would have to say...if your husband isn't even willing to give you a chance, that must mean his mind is made up. You can't make the marriage work all on your own. If he's given up, you have to respect that he's made his decision. Walk away with your head held high and give yourself time to heal your wounds. Good luck.
2007-01-23 15:17:30 · answer #7 · answered by geminiqtpie22 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only advice I can give you, was given to me by a marriage counselor, this, you cannot change another person, you can only change yourself. Focus on how you can improve yourself, and make positive changes, and just maybe you will impact your husband in a positive way. I hope this helps in some way. It did help me to make myself a better person. Good Luck
2007-01-23 15:27:43 · answer #8 · answered by lifes a peach 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't beg him to stay. That will harden his heart even more. Are you a praying kind of woman.....if you are you know the drill....if you aren't and you want to save it.......start today right now.
9 months maybe because he realizes that it is work. Marriage is about work.....are you willing to work with each other to get the job done.....
2007-01-23 15:13:35 · answer #9 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. It's not a marriage when only one person is doing all the fighting to keep it going. Nine months is such a short time.
2007-01-23 15:24:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋