Stay together or Divorce? this is painful for me on many levels.
I have been married 3 years. I was completely awestruck with her prior to our marriage. We fought some , but I always figure out how to make up for it. We have a son now of 2 years. I cannot recall the last time we DIDN'T fight. I have also found myself looking at other women and then feeling really bad that I am with my wife. I have thought about what the freedom would like to just be on my own again. I fake that I am satisfied to keep peace in the house. And I don't want to be a failure, I also don't want my son to be in a broken home. And RELIGIOUSLY, I don't believe in divorce except for Adultry. She's not going to cheat on me....I'm stuck, if I divorce then I cannot re-marry later on in life. I feel like I am soffocating....
2007-01-23 06:47:06 · 55 answers · asked by brian_d_long2006 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Most of you wonder aout my Religion. Church Of Christ, non-denom. Christian.
The bible talks about if Divorce for any other reason than because of Adultery, then I, if entering into another marriage would be commiting adultery with that person, because God doesn't recognize the inappropriate divorce. IT IS very clearly stated in the Bible, I will contort the bible to make me happy, I just follow it in it's rawest form. If I am to Divorce then I wouldhave to acept that I would never be married again.
I am SCARED to tell her how I feel...SHE WILL FIGHT ME ABOUT IT. Tell me how "horrible she is" and that "maybe I should find someone else" and that I'm an Asshole" And tell me "not to touch her"
No wonder I am not likely to let her on to my feelings......
And for the stupid people on here, I'm not looking to bang other chicks....I looking for peace of mind and happiness, and..I love my wife, she takes good care of our home, but it comes with the price of constanly fighting....
2007-01-23 07:34:23 · update #1
She is from Russia. and speaks GReat english, but is self concious about it, I'm not allowed to correct her or it is called "putting her down" , I'm trying to help, but she "feels bad" so I created those feelings, I put her down. She goes out, it's called Hanging out with the girls, I asked to go out, its called "looking for hookers"
Just this morning she was wearing a short grey shirt and sweat pants, going to the Gym, she said "Ican't wear this, my stomach hangs out" So I said well, wear one of my shirts" she said "NO!" I said "it's long, your stomach won't hang out then.." SHE WAS PISSED, I had just called her FAT. What is wrong with her!!! and why....just...why.....I want it to work, but I am scared to go any further....
2007-01-23 07:39:47 · update #2
Marriage is about Work......Not love.....We get married because of love, but we stay together because of the work that we have invested.......Marriage is a covenant that you make before God.....we all have our moments of suffocating and feeling trapped......that too will pass. You only think that you want to be single.....but I promise you right now as soon as you are you will wish that you had your wife. Stay true and focused.....Focus on Jesus, because you already know that you should stay.
2007-01-23 06:54:37 · answer #1 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
It sounds like you are very overwhelmed and feel smothered and you just want to run to get air. You have to ask yourself a few questions. Are you still in love with her and do you want to be with her or do you want to stay for your son? If you still have feelings for her then I suggest marriage counseling. And I suggest you go see the counselor on your own so you can talk about the stuff that you are feeling but aren't ready yet to say to her. The only way to stop this arguing is to get help from a third party that can look at your marriage and maybe figure out why you two are so angry. Because it's never about the argument it's about whats behind the argument. Looking at other women doesn't mean you are a bad man and thinking about what it would be like to be single is normal. Your son is not happy, he is hearing and seeing you two argue and that is damaging to him. He may grow up thinking that what he saw was normal, and you know it isnt. So put your son first and you second and find a way to get past this or to move on. The arguing is hurting all of you and you need to just stop.
2007-01-23 06:54:52 · answer #2 · answered by Serinity4u2find 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You are right, this is a very painful situation.
I have to ask; what religion are you that is so restrictive?
I have been in your situation, and it took me 12 years to get out. By this time, much dammage had been done to my children. I don't believe in "staying together for the children." It is really much more painful and destructive for them to be in a home where someone is faking it.
Believe me when I say that children are much more aware than they are given credit for. My son tells me about things that he remembers from when he was 6 years old.
I also grew up in a situation like this. I can still remember the fights my parents had way back to when I was 3 or 4 years old.
I also remember family gatherings and times that should have been special (birthdays) that were tainted because of the tense atmosphere or outright hostilities between my parents.
I wish the best for you and your family. Blessings,
Hazel
2007-01-23 06:59:35 · answer #3 · answered by greenwitch822 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep working at it. It was never going to be easy and a great marriage only comes with time. Through learning about each other,yes fighting because that's what can happen with passionate people.
You are obviously caring but sounds like you just need to learn about women. They are always right you are always wrong. NEVER agree with them when they put themselves down. Go out as a couple. Tell her everyday that you love her. Try hard and keep trying, it is the commitment that you made to each other,don't quit,persevere. it WILL be worth it at the end of the day.
You will look back 7 years from now and think I am happy,and you will be thankful.
2007-01-23 08:37:51 · answer #4 · answered by Bailey B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Speaking personally, I have been through what you are going through now. I was married for four years and had two young children. I got divorced and, because of my job, chose not to see the children as they were being brought up within another family. I re-married some time after and have now been with my second wife for 33 years. And, oh yes, my daughter from that first marriage found me after 19 years and we are now best of friends. So not all bad comes out of these situations. Make up your own mind.
2007-01-23 06:54:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try professional help 1st. Because u never know....there still may be a lot of love there w/out realizing it right now. IF you know in ur heart of hearts after awhile AND you gave it ur best shot after some time of really trying, then just let it be curtains for this marriage. Because you know what? LIfe IS way too short to be miserable, unsatisfied and unhappy. And then change religions too. It's not like the old timey days when you really needed to stick together in efforts to keep the farm and crops going as a family business, and in the name of Jesus.
But just try to work it out 1st b4 u let the marriage crap out.
One test is to chat w/someone online, and when you become very interested in that person potentially, you'll become completely overwhelmed for awhile. It's like a test, your not cheating physically, and if it comes to the point when you have to make a decision, you may be suprised when you rediscover how many feelings u actually have for your wife on a deep level and your stronger morals resurface as well. It's a test to realize what all you have GOING FOR YOU. [only recommending it if you want to test urself. Don't suggest u run off w/anyone. and it IS risky. but I think u could handle it--u know urself best tho]
2007-01-23 07:26:55 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am also a Christian and divorce is not something we like to think about. Let me ask you this, are you currently attending any place of worship and how is your & your spouse's relationship with God? I have been married for 9 happy years and it is my second marriage. My first husband cheated on me, but God blessed me the second time around with a great husband.
Love is like a garden, you need to take care of it and nurture it...and it's not true that the grass is greener on the other side, the grass IS greener where you water it, right! You need to sit down and talk and seek some sort of counseling if you want to save your marriage, but the distance to your answer is from your knees to the floor. Tell her how you are feeling and ask her how she feels.You and your wife pray together! Yes together and seek the ultimate counsel. Divorce now a days is taken so lightly and it is so easy just to give up, but it doesn't have to be. Good Luck and God Bless...I hope this helps.
2007-01-23 06:57:12 · answer #7 · answered by Nancy 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hello. I understand you a 100%. Why? well. I've been through the same situation.
The first advice that I will give you is to search for GODS help, search for a church near you. Look for the priest or Pastor and tell him your problem. If you both can go it will be a lot better.
Don't think in what will gonna happen after marriage, think better in all those things that you fell in love of your wife and viceversa.
Pray for your marriage if there is a chance to fix it. Divorce is the LAST OPTION here.( I know what I'm talking about )
Good Luck
2007-01-23 07:00:36 · answer #8 · answered by alquimista 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have just been thorugh a painful divorce myself. I had been with my partner since I was 14, I'm now 37 and have three wonderful children. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but I am so glad that I have done it. I didnt want to be 47 and still in an unhappy marriage. Religion and belief is important but so is your life. You are a long time dead. Life is for living.
2007-01-23 07:01:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
With your belief system you really need to try marriage counseling. What religion are you, if you don't mind my asking. Even divorced catholics can remarry, I think. Maybe you 2 can make it work for the sake of your son. Is she a good mom? You say you were once awe-struck with her. What qualities about her made you feel that way? Those qualities are still there. Peple do give up too easily sometimes- esp. if a child is involved your marriage is worth fighting for. Maybe you can get through this rough spot and come to appreciate one another. Chances are that if you divorce and wind up with one of the women you "find yourself looking at" there will be problems with that relationship too- and you won't be any happier. Good luck.
2007-01-23 07:00:12 · answer #10 · answered by peggy j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all try to get some marriage counseling. If this doesn't work it is better for your son for you to get divorced than grow up in an unhappy household where he has to see his parents fight all of the time. Trust me it is better to get it over with while he is young if this is what you choose to do. I don't know what religion you are but I don't think that God would want you to spend the rest of your life miserable and unhappy, I'm sorry this is ridiculous. You CAN re-marry if you choose and guess what you will still most likely get to heaven if you are a good person. Good luck
2007-01-23 06:55:50 · answer #11 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋