I just cant wrap my head around it....at alll! I am 5 wks preggers and my partner of 4 1/2 years (been cohabiting for 2) wants me to terminate. It breaks my heart on so many levels and I just cant believe what is happening! He wants absolutely nothing to do with my going forward and has told me that he wont help me in any way...I am studying and working and I have not told my mom about being pregnant yet. She lives in anothe He has a six year old son and he takes very good care of him even though he lives with his mom and visits on the wk end. We have always talked about having kids even as recently as the day before I found out...and then he flipped! I am beside myself and my mood swings take me to places that I think I might lose the baby anyway. He owns a business and is doing well financially but keeps saying that he cant help financially. I dont know what to do and I am very angry at him! Has this happened to anyone out ther? What did you do? How did you get over it? Help please!
2007-01-23 06:46:35 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
OH sweetie im so sorry. I have been with this before with my husband now of 9 years. He had 2 or 3 kids not for sure about 1 child. And told me I had to get rid of it and his mother when she found out was so awful. She even smacked me and all sort of things. (We was living at her house) well I ran off to Texas my mothers and kept the baby. I thought of adoption but in the end everything turned out great. A lot of men just gets scared. Now I can't you what to do but I will tell you this from almost doing it and talking to friends who has done it. You will always wonder what that baby would of been like. Every time you look at another baby or child it will be on your mind. So please think about it. There is always adoption and with that now a days you can pick the parents, get pics, and even visit or what ever. Your child will not hate you for it. They make the child understand that you loved him/her so much that you gave him/her a better life then what you could give them. Also 99% of the time depending where you go they will pay for your care of the child. And even put you in a safe house if needed to be.
Now if he doesn't want anything to do with the baby (but in my learning I found out a lot of times they come around) then there is many things you can do. First, I know this will probbly be the hardest thing you will do ever in your life but you have to tell your mom. Rember your mom loves you so much and wants the best for you. She will get mad or upset but its more of a shock 99% of the time then not. But she will be your greatest support. Find a mom club they be great too one good one I can recomend is called MOPS! (Mothers of Preschoolers) They are all over the us look at the local churches. (They also are NOT going to preach you to death but most of the time they hold them there.) Also you might get some great help from your paster if you have a church. Then when the baby comes you can file for childsupport. The might have to test the baby to the dad if he says its not his but its easy for you. Also your local welfair has to give you insurance for you no matter what you make if you don't have any you just might have a share of cost. but keep in mind if you stay on welfair afterwards and he pays childsupport (they will take it out of his earnings if the have to and taxes) You WONT see any child support so thats something to think about if you get cash aid. So he will have to support your child one way or another. Also if he is doing as well they can make him pay for child care, doctors, and much more.
I won't lie to you it will be hard and feel like impossible but your God made you strong and you can handle this.
Also on a true story my sister got pregant at 16 yr. the fater wanted nothing to do with him and came around but he turned very agressive and beaten her many times even me while I was pregant screwed up my hip for life. But she finially left him and got her life on track. By the way she droped out of school (Im not saying to drop out there is schools out there that will allow you to continue preg.) but she got a great Job at mirosoft and now is way up on the ladder she travels all over the world teaching other people what to do. (the company pays for it all) She just got married to a wonderful man that acts like Zad is his true son. So you can do it.
Sorry if so long just know a lot about this. Also if you need a friend to talk to look me up tishniaeq069696@yahoo.com
Good luck I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers if you don't mind.
Also this is the greatest site for lots of info on having a baby and well just everything I LOVE THIS SITE!!!!
www.adoption.com
Just check it out!
2007-01-23 06:51:15 · answer #1 · answered by tishniaeq069696 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hey hon, first let me say that I'm sorry you are going through this. No woman should have to put up with this while she is pregnant, actually never but especially not while she is pregnant. Well I agree with some of the other people that have answered your questions, he might not want the baby but he does have a financial responsiblity for that baby. You didn't make that baby by yourself. Now I know that this is hard but let him definately make this decision on his own. Maybe he'll change his mind once the baby gets here or maybe a little later in the pregnancy. It probably was easy for him to plan children with you because he didn't think that it would happen so soon. Give him some time but not forever sweetheart. It shouldn't take him eternity and a day to decide to be a physical part of his child's life. I know that this is challenging for you because you have history with this man and because you have planned your life with him. No I haven't been through this but I have had a couple of friends that have. Some turned out for the better and some didn't turn out so well. Either way my friends have made their decisions on their own about whether or not to keep their kids. They didn't make their choices based on whether or not the fathers wanted the child. Sweetheart, this is hard no matter how you look at it, but the decision over all has to be yours. Don't let someone presuade you to make such a life changing decision that you might regret possibly for the rest of your life. Hope this helps!
2007-01-23 15:10:47 · answer #2 · answered by Hershee-Girl 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people just need to adjust to a certain situation, however bad they react at first might not be how they feel a week or two after.
If you are certain that you do not want a termination, do not be bullied into it, however if you are unsure about what you want to do, think long and hard. I won't say have the baby or not, but what I will say is, if your boyfriend does not change his mind, then ask yourself is this the person you truly want to be with.
A baby is a major curve in the road of your life, but it is a natural one, sometimes things happen for a reason, even if you planned or thought you knew what you were doing. The answer is to be strong, whatever your decision.
2007-01-23 14:59:12 · answer #3 · answered by Free Range Human 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First try talking to him and ask him why he wants you to terminate, even though he already has a child it might be because he is scared or maybe still in shock. But whatever he says don't do anything you don't want to. If you want to keep this baby then do, don't get rid of it because you want to keep your partner because at the end of the day you will probably blame him for the termination and break up anyway.(sorry if it's sounds harsh but it's true) You must think long term now and do what YOU want to do. Hope everything goes ok. x
2007-01-23 14:59:08 · answer #4 · answered by shygirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all just know that you will find more people that are supportive of you than people that are not. If he doesn't want a child and feels that strongly about it, that's his problem, he should have done what it takes for HIM to prevent a pregnancy. The decision is yours, if you want to keep your baby, keep it. I will tell you this though, it takes a very strong woman to go through a pregnancy with an unsupportive mate. You are going to have to make up in your mind that your well being and the well being of your child is more important than how he feels about the pregnancy. This won't be an easy journey, but I wish you the best of luck.
2007-01-23 15:35:06 · answer #5 · answered by godiva 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't let him pressure you into a termination the decision is yours you are the one who will have to go through the termination and the emotional roller coaster that follows abortion. if you have the baby your boyfriend will have no choice but to support your baby the csa will take a percentage of his wages. there is no reason why you cant carry on either working or studying after you have had the baby and you can do it all without his support i have brought my son up alone and carried on working full time if you want this baby you will find a way to cope you just have to decide whats more important to you your baby or your man and to be honest there is no guarantee your man would stick around anyway but you will always have your baby. good luck hope things work out for you x
2007-01-23 15:07:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want this child then do not terminate. Who knows this could be your last chance at having a baby so don't risk missing out on the best thing a woman can experience in her lifetime for some immature selfish man. And if he doesn't want to have anything to do with the child fine take him to court make him help financially and raise your child the best you can you can give your child everything it needs without him ! Good Luck and God Bless You!
2007-01-23 15:03:30 · answer #7 · answered by Alison_251 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only do what YOU want. This is your body and your baby. He might just be scared at the thought of another child right now... but no matter what... don't do something you don't want to do. You will absolutly regret it. I let someone talk me into terminating two years ago, (when I didn't want to) and I start feeling guilty a lot (resulting in anxiety attacks).
Bottom line, listen to YOUR heart.. you can do this on your own if you need to, a lot of us are and our little ones are always worth anything we may have to go through.
Good luck and take care
2007-01-23 14:58:52 · answer #8 · answered by Elly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that is a tough one. First of all.. dont let him talk you into terminating the pregancy if you want this child.
Tell him that you plan on having this child and that he needs to decide what he wants, be with you and the baby, be a family or not. Tell him that one way or the other you will have this baby. Give him time to get a cold head, but dont hang around forever.. set a time limit by when he has to decide then do whatever you have to at that time.
Good luck and congrats on your pregnancy!
2007-01-23 14:52:33 · answer #9 · answered by Jenni C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
whoa what an *** that man is. If YOU want the baby KEEP the baby, plain and simple and if he chooses not to be there let him make that choice, and maybe he will come around to things. But as far as i can see hes a selfish person and doesnt want to look to the future of having kids with you. Sometimes things happen for a reason, and if he doesnt like the thought of having a baby he should have wrapped it up. Like i said if you want this baby, keep the baby with or without his help and just tell him that, tell it like it it. Goodluck to you, no man is worth the stress and pain of this, and you should never have to choose a man over your unborn baby.
2007-01-23 14:53:29 · answer #10 · answered by jess_n_flip 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and the baby will be better off with out him. Just ask why his other sons mom was good enough to have his baby and why he feels you arn't. You need to leave and then when the baby is born file for child support if he gets behind file on him the government will eventually make him pay and maybe one day he will grow up and take responsiblity for his actions.
2007-01-23 15:07:14 · answer #11 · answered by neicee 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋