Do you think that people get so wrapped up in their affair partner?

Question

They lose all sense and act crazy? Those that leave their spouses, buy houses and start living as husband and wife almost immediately with the other person - what are they thinking? Don't they realize that the chance of their relationship working is very small? How do you trust each other when you have already shown you are both untrustworthy?

I know two men who have done this and I can't help wondering who is crazier them or the other person? One of these other women got pregnant almost immediately so he had to marry her. The other guy gave up everything he built with his ex-wife and barely sees his kids now. What happens to men or women who do this? They wake up one day and say I am not happy and then proceed to break the hearts of everyone around them? I don't get it. Do you???

Answer 1

I hate to tell you this but it doesn't always work that way. I know the cheater should suffer but this does not always happen. I know 2 guys who left there wives for another women.I know one women that did the same for another guy. Yes, they also are remarried to the person they were having an affiar with. All 3 are still marrried to the person they had the affair, one person remarried for 24 yrs to the preson she had the affiar with.

Answer 2

Yes and it is because they lose all sense and act crazy. I know of a situation where this guy was the most reliable, responsible, honest, loving and caring husband for many years and then one summer he let himself get manipulated by this other woman. His personality totally changed, drinking became a regular thing for him, and he became very selfish. It was almost like another person took over his body. His priorities became so unbelievably different. His wife and kids suffered because of his selfishness. A marriage that everyone thought would last forever ended in divorce. A little less than a year later the guy was filled with regret. Every day he would ask himself, What was I thinking? I had it all-a great wife, terrific kids, and a nice home. Why did I throw it all away for a manipulative homewrecker? The reason affairs happen I believe is because people don't appreciate what they have. That is the only explanation that I can come up with because other than that I don't get it either because wedding vows mean something to me.

Answer 3

I have actually been on both sides of this issue and it isn't quite so black and white. When you are the one on the hurting side of this affair, it sucks and is very painful. You are left with so many questions of why and how and feeling so vulnerable. The main thing to realize is that it isnt all your fault. Yes a marriage is 50 50 but we all make mistakes and we all are human. I have had friends who come from wonderful 2 parent monogamous families and are "cheaters". I have known friends who come from broken homes and have lasting loving marriages. Being a human is very complicated. When i had my affair, my husband and i were having communication problems and i felt very alone, very isolated. I realize now that we were just going through a spell but it felt horrible. I sought out a friend first. All seemed innocent in the begining because it was. Then he began showing me attention that i craved and attention that i needed. We began our affair. He was married too and felt neglected as well. Now were we ready to give up our families and homes and lives that looked so pretty on the outside? No. That is why it is called an affair. It is a secret to hide from all so that you dont lose all. There were times i really thought i was ready to give it all up for him and he for me but we actually have decided to do the good thing for our children and take a break from each other. What does all this have to do with your question? We all want to be needed. We all want to be loved. We all are human and make mistakes. Each one is different and do it for different reasons but the main need is to be loved. We all want to feel this and weither that is through physical touch or just a sense of importance we need it. Communication is the biggest part of any relationship and if you are honest with your partner and open about feeling unloved and go from there. You know divorces are so scary and messy and expensive and just so hurtful. That is why most people cheat. They are afraid of all those things but their feelings override their head. Sometimes it si all about sex but most times it isn't. Hope i helped. I am not saying it is right but i am saying that i understand it a little bit more than i use too.

Answer 4

I think that people at some point in their lives do wake up and realize that for whatever reasons they are not happy. And that life is to short to not be happy. So they do whatever they feel will make them happy. When other people are involved yes hearts do get broken. Including the one that does all the heartbreaking. Does it abscond them from their responsibilities? No. Is what that person does going to make life better for all involved? In some way you only hope it does. Harder on the children than anyone else. I know that situation personally. As a child. Know of people who have done this as adults. There are two sides to every story and only those two people know the situation entirely. You do get over it. The saying goes what doesn't kill you always makes you stronger. You have to make the best of whatever situation you are in. Knowing that you will be better off in time.

Answer 5

Yes it may seem this way but it actually is a good thing and they get along without fighting without doing it. You should never leave your spouse for another person especially in an affair ... You need to break of the affair and put all this time and love into your marriage and your spouse... This would be a much better place and world if we did it this way. I dont feel you can trust anyone who would do this to their marriage. You are right i dont get this one either... Great question by the way.

Answer 6

Its not that they wake up and say they are going to do it.They get used to living with their ex and then they think they are missing out on something. The chase is very thrilling sometimes.but I think that would be more for the player types. But for what you are saying, I think they get bored or feel unappreciated and the other person makes them feel better or more valued. Of course the ex isn't going to value someone who is stepping out on them. They are going to then treat them with hostility which further pushes them away. Their kids are going to hate them and do you want to be around people that hate you?

I don't agree with cheating but it does indeed happen and sometimes people get remarried.

Cheating is bad no matter who you are stepping out on your boyfriend/ girlfriend , your husband/ wife , your/ their kids. It doesn't just effect you and the person you are with, it effects everyone.

Lori K - you're right its a VERY selfish act.

Answer 7

No, I think it's that they get so wrapped up in their self. Having an affair is probably the most selfish act there is. You put your spouse into the realm of STDs without letting them know they are in danger. You emotionally destroy your children, and potentially someone else's children too. You devastate your spouse emotionally. It's almost abusive in that respect.

You hide the person you are with. It's a shameful thing. You aren't proud of yourself...but you want what you want and you don't care who you hurt. Extreme self-centeredness.

Answer 8

Cheating is ALWAYS wrong but to be so smug as to think the first wife/husband is the best choice for any specific person is bullshit........the man i am with now is SCORES better than my husband was! And I am not the only person that has moved on from divorce only to find someone truly outstanding.

Answer 9

The woman you talked about that got pregnant sounds just like what happened to my ex.She cheated on me for about 2 years before she decided to leave me. She got pregnant within 3 months of leaving WHILE trying to work it out with me.They got married before the child was born and didn't even tell our daughters about it until 4 days later. They are still together but its not that great.

Answer 10

SOME PEOPLE THINK WITH THEIR HEARTS RATHER THAN THEIR HEADS.

IT DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN THEY ARE WRONG. EVERYBODY IS DIFFERNT.

YOU JUST ASSUME THAT THE PARTNERS SHOULDN'T TRUST ONE ANOTHER RIGHT FROM THE GET-GO BECAUSE THEY'VE ALREADY PROVEN THEMSELVES TO BE A CHEATER. BUT EVERYBODY CHEATS FOR DIFFERENT REASONS.

I'VE HAD SEVERAL LONG TERM AFFAIRS AND I'VE ALWAYS TRUSTED THE OTHER PERSON. ONCE WITH A SINGLE GUY AND I HAD TO ACCEPT THE FACT THAT HE WOULD ONE DAY FIND A GIRLFRIEND AND KNEW THAT WHEN HE DID, HE WOULDN'T WANT TO SEE ME ANYMORE. IT DIDN'T MEAN THAT I DIDN'T TRUST HIM. IT JUST MEANT THAT I DIDN'T CARE ENOUGH TO BE THAT GIRLFRIEND.

AS FAR AS THE WHOLE TRUST ISSUE, IT WOULD DEPEND ON THE PERSON. EVERYBODY IS DIFFERENT. SOME PEOPLE I JUST TRUST BECAUSE I KNOW THEM SO WELL, TO ALL OTHERS, TRUST IS SOMETHING EARNED, NOT GIVEN AUTOMATICALLY. THE LONGER YOU SEE SOMEONE, THE MORE YOU TRUST THEM.