Is it WRONG TO REFUSE TO WATCH HER KIDS?

Question

I met the man I am involved with while he was married. He said that he was very unhappy and leaving. Well, he did leave. But he continues to pay over $2500 of his wife's monthly expenses. That bothers me. But she also sends the kids to him three out of four weeks so we get very little time alone. He had to go out of town for business. She told him to get me to watch the kids, she had plans. I refused so he had to ask his mother, Now he is angry with me. Was I wrong?

Answer 1

Cheers to the wife!!. Think: If you were in her shoes, wouldn't you feel the same way? She is smart. If I were you, I would run. She is thinking this through and will make your life hell for the next 40 years.

Answer 2

First off you shouldn't complain about him spending time with his kids. Just because you are the new woman in his life doesn't mean he should forget about his kids. Anyways, that's what happens for getting involved with a married man that has kids. And about how much he gives his ex for THEIR KIDS is definitely non of your business so don't get involved !!
Sorry if I am being blunt but it's the truth !!
Secondly, If you want to be or are planning to be involved in this mans life for a long time, then I think that you should start getting involved with his kids and acting like a good step mom. By not babysitting the kids, you proved to him that you don't care about his kids and at the same time that you are selfish.
Now, why would a man want a relationship with a woman that won't accept or love his kids ? I don't know but if you continue acting that way, I don't think he should stay with you.

Answer 3

I don't think you were wrong to watch the kids. My father and his wife met while he was still married to my mother, so when my parents divorced and his wife moved in with us I wasn't thrilled. I'm suprised that she wanted you to watch the kids. Yes you're dating and he may think that you dont care about the kids as much or something, but they're not your children and you and him aren't engaged (unless you are and haven't mentioned it). I don't think a person should get to close to kids that are their boyfriend's/girlfriend's unless there are marriage plans or something because if it falls through then you could be in a situation where the kids are feeling like they're loosing someone else.
However you do have to realize that those are his children and you're just the girlfriend. He doesn't have them in his home everyday anymore so he's going to take advantage of all the time he has with them and viewing it from a parents point of view, I don't blame him.

Answer 4

You should tell your man to file for sole custody of his children and give his wife visitation rights. If he has sole custody of his children, then he doesn't have to pay child support, she on the other hand, does.

Let him be mad. If you wanted kids, you would've had them.

What type of woman was he married to? You would think that she doesn't want her kids around you. But it seems as if she doesn't want her kids at all, so on that note he should take her to court. If she didn't want to be a mother, then she should've thought about that b4 she got pregnant and gave birth. Let your man know, you don't mind babysitting, but she's the mother and has nothing to do, so she could watch the kids she created. If I were you, I would record any conversations, messages, and stuff like that that has to do with her. So when and if your man tries to get a divorce, he can. He can win good.

Love his children and treat them like your own. But don't allow your man to get played like a sucker. Its like this is what she's wanted from him. If its like what you are telling us, the $$ he's giving her is for her, not the kids.

Answer 5

First off you said "her kids" they are just as much his kids as they are her kids. You were dating him while he was married to this woman, he was committing adultery with YOU. Get how she is angry? Just because he says he was unhappy and leaving is no excuse to break up a marriage. You knew he had kids, they come first. No, you don't have to watch them, but if are ever going to marry this man or have a serious relationship with him you could become the kids step-mom furthermore they are a part of him don't you want to get to know them?

L.

Answer 6

I have kids, and i wouldn't even try a stunt like that. If you're going to have the kids 3 out of 4 weeks, then he doesn't need to pay her as much as he does, because you guys are already absorbing over half of their expenses. He's their father, when he's out of town she has no right to expect you to drop your alone time to make her happy. Sounds like she's using the kids to play a game. He's falling for it, and you're not. Let him know, you don't have any bad feelings toward his kids, and you love them. But when he's not there, they are their mom's responsibility. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but there is a limit.

Answer 7

No you are not wrong! If you were to watch her kids you would be allowing her to continue to take advantage of your man. He obviously does not understand because his children are involved. You need to get him to remove himself from the situation, and view it from your perspective. I think ,that will be tough, but it is possible. Keep holding your ground, and stay consistent where his ex and the children are concerned. And why is he paying so much in addition to providing half of the care, Where is the balance there?

Answer 8

No cause you are not married. If you would have been married to him different story. You are not their babysitter. He will get over it and don't start letting him use you now cause it will continue. If he is divorced from her all he should be paying is what the courts ordered. You might be in the wrong relationship. Sounds like it could get worse. Hope all works out.

Answer 9

This relationship has MESS written all over it. First off, you mention the $$$ that he gives to his wife and the time he spends with his kids, as though one were interchangeable with another. They are his kids, and he LEFT home, he should watch them, and who is he or you to demand "alone" time. Seems like you need to find a man with no kids. You refused to watch the kids, no big deal, it's not your responsibility, but if I were your Man, I'd dump you like hot cakes. I would want a woman who cared about me and my kids, who was open hearted and willing to take us ALL in. You guys are not a good match, and if you keep trying to go forward from here, you are going to have to do some serious talking and soul searching.

Answer 10

no..you weren't wrong. she needs to understand that they are her kids too, not just his. there needs to be some kind of custody hearing and quick, because its not the children's fault and they are the ones that are suffering. they probably feel like no one wants them..i think that his ex is probably still angry at the way he left with another women, and doesn't want to make it "easy" on you two. if you dont want the baggage of his kids though, you shouldn't be involved with him..he was married when he met you and he had kids when he met you..thats who he is and they are going to be his kids for the rest of their lives and she will always be the mother. some sort of arrangement needs to be made soon for everyones sake. good luck!

Answer 11

When my ex left me for someone else, I was glad it was over. We never expected for me to almost die in a car crash, or to have head injury bad enough taht I couldn't remember I was cooking before I left the house, know what year I was in, or what day it was so I didn't go to work on my day off. To not be able to care for either our son or myself. So, Little Man went to live with them, right out of the hospital.
And he eventually had to leave her, because she just wouldn't integrate our son into their lives together.
What if this woman flipped over in a car and did die, permanently?
If you can't love these kids...
if you can't see the spite or pain in this woman,
if you can't see that they're better off with a parent willing to take care of them and then help your husband do it...
then you don't love him, let alone them.
And you need to develop compassion and patience, and a little faith in something higher than your own wants and needs.
Now, as to money, you do what you gotta do. Get that custody, whatever... but if you're not ready to take them on full time, go to a family lawyer for divorce instead.