I love my wife to death but get very nervous when it comes to making love. I was never like this before and when we meet we had a very good sex life whith each other.Things have happened to us in our past that i believe may have effected our love life. we had a baby and she passed away and after that i felt like our love life went away too. We both want another baby but now we feel like we dont make love anymore and its us trying to make another baby and the intimacy went away. So how do we both get past this and bring that back so we can be comfortable and intimate and not look at it as just sex or us trying to concieve.
2007-01-23 05:37:52 · 17 answers · asked by mark m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I also recommend seeing a counselor. It is obvious that both of you may be associating intimacy with a desire to conceive. While conception can be a result of intimacy, the both of you need to take a step back and focus on being intimate with one another and not focusing on conception. A good counselor can be a wonderful mediator in this respect. Counseling can not only help you with your intimacy issues, but also help you deal with the death of your child. As long as the both of you are committed to making things work, it will. Just know that it may take some time before you regain that intimacy. Practice being intimate without sexual intercourse and slowly work towards sexual intimacy. And focus on things that pleases each other. That way the sex doesn't revolve around making a baby, but revolves around your fulfillment with one another.
2007-01-23 05:49:50 · answer #1 · answered by Veronica W 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Share an intimate evening. Plan a special dinner, maybe something you had on you honeymoon, or her favorite meal. Serve some wine, turn the lights down and light some candles. Play some soft music throughout your domicile to set the mood. Draw a bubble bath for her (or for you both if your tub is big enough) and bathe her. While you're doing so tell her how you feel about her. Tell her that she's attractive, that you are attracted to her. Use specifics, i.e. you have mezmorizing eyes, beautiful breasts, lucious lips, etc... Remind her of things you did when you were first married. Give her a massage, run you fingers through her hair, kiss her ALL over.
AS FOR YOU to get yourself in the right mindset think about her. All day. Think naughty dirty thoughts about things you want to do to her, or that you want done to you. Think about the way her hair smells or the way she looks when she's all dressed up for a night on the town.
In my relationship the baby was just miscarried, not born and died, so I can somewhat empathize. Be each other's support group. Nothing should be secret between you two. Share everything about how you feel, cry together, weep in each others arms. Don't let this be the end, fight for your romance, let her know that you're fighting for it and that you;re not willing to give up on what you have.
Best of luck, and my prayers are with you.
2007-01-23 05:51:05 · answer #2 · answered by Therious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seeing that you both went through a really tough time (your baby died) I suggest seeing a counceller first so you guys know for sure you are truly over this. Secondly its not healthy to bring a new baby into the world especially when you two are still dealing with the loss of your first child. Maybe after you guys both finish councelling you might want to think about why you want to bring a new baby into the world and look at the pros and cons of that. Before any of this though you and your wife should both be there for each other seeing as both of you went through this together. You both you need communicate and you will grow from there. It takes time but eventually you will realise that time heals everything along with everything else and you guys will get through this. This is just one of those hard things in life you just have to deal with. Live, Love, Learn, Grow and enjoy life. Be greatful for what you have you both have each other and thats all that really matters.
Best of wishes, Kesha
2007-01-23 05:48:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you and your wife are struggling with the death of your baby girl. I think a vacation is in order. Both of you need to get away, even if for only a weekend. Try something new (hiking, snorkeling, dancing, etc.) and just have some bonding time. Talk about your feelings with each other and with a counselor. And try to have another baby. It may be difficult, emotions will be strong, but in the end that's what you both want. Good Luck, I wish you both the best!
2007-01-23 05:52:55 · answer #4 · answered by *Just Married* 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh, my sincerest sympathy, my marriage did not make it through the loss of our son, its a fact that 85% of all marriages are not successful after the death of a child. There's no reason why you can't be in the 15%, and make sure you both go to support groups for whatever your child died from, understand the loss is for both of you, not just 1 and realize that you still have each other and that is soooo important. Relish the relationship you have, intimacy with the other 1/2 is the 1 most wonderful thing you can share with them, don't let anything get in the way of that
2007-01-23 06:05:40 · answer #5 · answered by Cute Stuff 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The love is obviously still there, and making a baby is such a beautiful thing. maybe u guys should think of taking a vacation; away from everything and everyone, everything is still too familiar and u guys may need a change. Your surroundings may have alot to do with your behaviour. U two should take some time to get to know each other again (sexually) find new things that excite u, and be comfortable with each other and learn to trust each other again.
Good luck to u both, have fun making that beautiful baby,
2007-01-23 05:49:00 · answer #6 · answered by tweety 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm truly sorry to hear about your daughter....its a very sad thing...and i'm sure that it has affected the both of you more than you realize. I would suggest trying to remove the pressure from trying to conceive. When trying to conceive a child the couple is only having sex certain days of the month....so rather than waiting for those days....don't wait.... Remember back when..when you were first together....and you could barely keep your hands off of each other...i'm sure you weren't thinking of conceiving then....it was your need for one another that made it spontaneous and intimate... Now that you are thinking about it....remind her of it too....maybe it will spark something inside...
I hope i've given you some advice you can use...and I wish you and your wife all the best.
2007-01-23 05:50:58 · answer #7 · answered by Miloree 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I enjoy sex but dont really like kissing. Im the same way. Some people just dont like kissing. Its not because of some sort of traumatic experience so thats a bunch of CROCk. If you all have never had sex in the span of this relationship, I would say its worth waiting (given everything else is satsifactory); but if you all had sex before and all of a sudden shes putting you thru this because you left her jilted, then she may be resentful. Communicate with her about whats bugging her and you. I cant tell if you ever had sex with her, but if you both were never intimate-how is this some kind of surprise?
2016-03-28 22:54:43 · answer #8 · answered by Karen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may need to see a doctor for this problem and disorder.... You have to find out why you get so nervous. Losing a baby will definitley make you scared of trying agian. You will probably need counseling and help to get past the pain of losing the baby as well...You may also need marriage counseling. I wish you both the best and I will be praying for you and asking God to help heal and restore the both of you.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
2007-01-23 05:56:46 · answer #9 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Loss of a child is one of the most traumatic events that can happen to a couple. Please seek professional counseling. I've actually heard that more often than not couples split up after losing a child - a friend of mine, who lost a 4-year-old to a brain tumor, told me that; him and his wife worked through it, and now have two kids, age 9 and 12; they also run a foundation in their deceased child's name that helps parents who's children are going through the same thing. You have to try to bring the meaning back into your relationship. Best wishes.
2007-01-23 05:50:15 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋