How do I deal with my friend, she got pregnant on purpose because of her friends and is selfish and immature?

Question

My friend has been with her husband for a total of 2 years, and has been miserable since day one. In fact 3 months ago she asked him officially for a divorce but changed her mind because her "vows before God."

She is 24 and found out me and her other good friend are pregnant. She was very jealous and said she wanted a baby too. So she purposely got pregnant even though her marriage is rocky at best.

I am so frustrated with her and her selfish actions. I almost want to cut her off! She causes so many problems in her own life by being an immature brat and it stresses me out to hear about it all of the time.

Should I just distance myself from her? She told me she plans to take her baby with her to house parties and bars so they can drink with their friends.

I just don’t agree with her lifestyle or parenting skills. My husband refuses to hang out with them because of all their problems and fighting.

Is it time for me to move on from the friendship?

Answer 1

You need to move on and she needs therapy. She has issues it is obvious.

Answer 2

You already know the answer to your question. But if you are still not sure, ask yourself this, Do I want to hang around with a shallow person? I feel so sorry for your friends baby, what a nightmare. Just start being unavailable and eventually she will move on. You don't have to actually tell her you are not friends anymore, just don't call her and meet with her. If she calls don't answer the phone and don't return messages. If you want to give her sound advice tell her that marriage takes alot of work on the part of both people and having a baby is a huge responsibility, there will be no partying, me time or anything of the sort - life as you know it dies when you have a child - and you are reborn as a new person, at the birth you become a Mom.

Answer 3

You call her your friend , yet you want to distance yourself from her?
She thinks of you as a friend and wants to enjoy the same pleasures that you are enjoying, do you grudge her that?
If your a true friend you would help her out, and not be thinking of ditching her at the moment she needs your friendship the most.
Being pregnant and not getting any support from her husband is bad enough for her to have to deal with being deserted by her friends as well.
The reason she could be behaving like this could be a feeling of insecurity, a sense of failure, lack of love in her life, lack of spirituality etc etc.
Your friend needs serious help if she plans on taking her baby with her to bars and parties. I wonder if your allowed to bring a baby to a bar where you come from. In many countries they would not allow that.
If she is so irresponsible to be taking her baby to house parties so that she could be drinking along with her baby, I wonder how many people would encourage that sort of behaviour enough to even consider inviting her to a house party.
Im not taliking about others, I personally would not invite a lady to a house party if I knew that she was going to be drinking and have someone else take care of her child. Other guests would like to enjoy the party as well you know, rather than having to baby sit some drunks child.
So what she is talking about is not something she could practically do, though in all her irresponsibility she would like to.
I dont think jealousy could be a reason for anyone to want to have a child, there are other reasons, one of them the longing of a woman to be a mother.
For all you know, once the child comes, hopefully she would become a responsible mother, and maybe her life would get turned around.
I wish her all the best for her future, and hope you continue to stay her friend, and help her through the difficult times she is going through.
Best of Luck and May God Bless all of you!

Answer 4

At only 24, she still has a lot of growing-up to do. As she matures her decision making skills will improve. I think that whatever qualities she has, that initially made her seem like an attractive friend to you, she still possesses. She obviously needs you to be her friend, now more than ever, as she is having a difficult time in her marriage. You must understand that with all the stress that she is under, she may not be receptive to your advice, just be patient and listen to her, even if what she says sounds like nonsense, it will be helpfull to her, if you allow her to vent some frustration. Stand by her on this one, and she will never forget your kindness and understanding. When your friendship improves it will be even stronger than before. Okay.... that's my one serious answer for the day, now I have to go and goof off......PS. take the 10 points and shove em' up your......um.

Answer 5

If it were me I would move on, but if she is a long-time friend don't move too far, you'ld be suprised at what having a child can do to someones attitude and behavior. She may be a brat now, selfish and immature, but there's a chance that when she holds that baby in her arms for the first time and realizes what a beautiful thing she's created and how precious it is and how lucky SHE is to have a child when SO many can't, it just might bring her into reality.

Answer 6

I had this really great friend, but she drove me crazy. She had a nice place and sold it and moved into a dump. Just to be moving.
Everyone helps her get set up and in a few months she wants to move again. She always finds something wrong with the place.
It is all stupid. I am just tiried of helping her move. So I don't answer the phone when she calls and I am just cutting her off.
I have a worst story about babies than that. We have this really great boss. His wife died, this girl in the office works out and is 7 years younger than him. Been through lots of marriages, big suprise there. Anyway, he had been alone 2 years and she tried everything to get his attention. Hanging over his desk with her tites hanging out practically. It was disgusting, help me!
Finally he got caught with his pants down. Anyway, she got pregnant. She had announced to everyone she was on the pill.
Then she says he has to marry her. The worst part he does.
Now she is boss lady. She is so mean to him and everyone else.
She had twins. Which he is crazy about but at 45 years old starting a family he looks like death warmed over. They were premies. She is a real ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The best part he made her quit work and she stays home.

Answer 7

This is a tough one....as tempting as it may be to distance yourself from your friend, this is probably a time when she most needs a friend, confidante, and excellent role model. You don't have to preach to her about proper behavior, but she'll see it demonstrated by you, and there will be plenty of opportunities for you to gently tell her that bars are not appropriate places for babies. Does her husband know she's pregnant? It will be interesting to see what his reaction is. If she is constantly telling your her problems and not listening to or following your advice, then simply ask her in as nice a way as you can, whether she actually wants your advice or if she just wants to vent. You can tactfully let her know that it's difficult for you to sit by at watch her be miserable, yet not take hold of the hands that are being extended to her to help her. Tell her you want to be her friend and support her, but she needs to meet you halfway. Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Answer 8

Very much time to move on. She is in a bad relationship and just brought a totally innocent child into the middle of it. Why? Childishness. Tell her you disagree with her lifestyle and parenting choices and hope that if she finds her vows before God important that she will seek out God for her relationship and child as well. Then you step back. Support her if she goes in the right direction, but leave it alone if she doesn't.

Answer 9

Wow! This really sounds like a person who need help.

And you see that.

Share, in a generous and loveing way, articles on parenting and marriage skills with her. Find ways to work these subjects into conversations.

She sounds like a 'Me Too!' kind of person and you can't do anything to change that. So use it and hope she improves by association.

Think of it as a way to practice your patience which you'll be needing when your little babe hits 2 until s//he hits 45 or so.

Good luck, Sweetie.

Answer 10

She seems to be crying out for attention and you should probably tell her how you feel before you take this whole "distancing" thing into action.

Answer 11

maybe keep her as a friend but when she starts talking about marriage & her personal life let her know that is too much info for you. sounds like she needs friends