If I was to divorce?

Question

My wife, who do you FEEL would be granted custody of the kids and keep the house:

We have been married for 10 years, 3 kids. In 10 years I have been the SOLE provider for our family. She has never held a job, has no high school, or GED or drivers license (this has been her choice, I have not held her back), although yes she would be entitled alimony, it is not enough to live off of with 3 kids.

She thinks the courts would give her everything because she is the woman. The reason for divorce would simply be growing apart or irreconcilable differences. In your honest opinion, who do you feel would get hit with the worst end of the stick here?

Answer 1

She gets the kids and you get stuck with the bills. Fact of life.......

Answer 2

Oh my, how sad. I've been to court in 3 states, custody with 3 diff judges all in the same year. So, from my own experience I will give my opinion. It is NOT b/c she is the "woman" that has nothn to do with custody nowadays. However, in ur situation, since she is the stay at home mom she will be granted custody. The judge will try to keep the time spent with the kids the same AFTER the divorce as during it. If the father spent 30% of his time with the kids u'll get 30% afterwards (if u don't move far away). If ur the type of father who did everything for the kids & the wife did nothing for them u would have a chance of winning if you had HER family & friends as witness to this as well as ur own. The lawyers will want u to fight about it costing u both thousands of dollars! I won in ALL 3 cases in ALL 3 states! X no.1 lost over 26K fighting me, X no.2 lost over 10K & X no.3 only lost 4500 due to finally giving up the fight b/c I would win AGAIN. I was the house wife. I spent MOST of the time with the kids. I have a 2yr degree, x (all of them) had 4 yr degrees. I don't drink, smoke or do drugs nor do I hang out in bars. (but NONE of that would even matter today) Ur wife will need to get her GED then a secondary education in order to make ends meet with 3 kids. The ones with the "worst end of the stick" are ur kids! Divorce is horrible! U're the bread winner u'll make out AFTER the divorce. Ur wife & kids will be poor til she finishes all her classes. Don't waste ur money on a lawyer fighting over custody. U will LOSE...look up the reasons the judge in UR divorce has given kids to the father. U'll find what I am saying is true. Unless the woman gives the kids to you...you'll not WIN them from her. SHE was their care taker for 10 years & that is why she will win. She watches them right now while u work. Therefore she is NOT unfit. If u leave the kids with a person U feel is "unfit" the judge could arrest U for child endangerment, neglect, etc. Best advice? Amlical divorce, shared parenting, alimony for 2 yrs (her in school those 2 yrs), use the same lawyer (cuts cost by 50%), personal property should be divided fairly. If she can't afford the house payment on the child support and alimony then she should give it up volunteerily. Down size all payments. You take over the credit cards & any other marrital debt. (you will be ahead by doing so, she'll win in court, I won and so did my friend another stay at home mom) U know she can't afford to pay any debt, so don't fight about it. This is horrible. Another divorce! I feel for ALL of you.

Answer 3

Whether or not she worked, all marital property and assets will be split between the two of you. What each of you brings into the marriage, you take out with you.

Tha nationaly average for joint custody is that the mother is made the primary(meaning she detemines residency) 6 out of 10 times. In Texas, the average is 8 out of 10. Generally, if there is a home, whomever is designated as the primary gets to remain in the home with the children. But, that is factored into how the assets are split. Meaning, if you have $30K in equity in your home, you are entitled to $15K of that. Basically, everything you own will be valued. It is then a matter of choosing what you want. If she remains in the house, what they generally do is remove the equity from the 1/2 of the retirement you will have to give her.

She may not be entitled to alimony. This isn't 1955, and she chose to not work. Depends on the judge, but I would fight that issue. Child Support will be paid. It is paid on a percentage of your income. In Texas, 3 kids means 30% of you income after income tax, soc sec., and cost of insurance for the children is deducted. I am sure you state has a sliding scale of the same nature.

Most state now allow no fault divorces. You will not have to give a reason. You will just be divorced. She won't get everything, that is just the threat they use now a days to scare you into not leaving.

Answer 4

In most cases, unfortunately, it is the man who gets the short end of the stick. However, this is going to force her to "grow up". Why? Alimony is often never enough to raise children with; most divorced women have to work. That means she is going to have to get a GED, driver's license, AND get a job. As for the house and car, it takes a steady income to keep both; just what you send is often not enough. Also, the children need to see you two working together; if there's still a lot of bitterness, seek court mediation, as well as counseling (a plus to this: if you suggest this, it looks better to the presiding judge, and shows that you are bigger than this situation). Regardless to the reason, keep it "irreconcilable differences", as well. Why? If you--or her--state whatever real reasons there are...remember, your children may one day have access to these papers. Do you want to scar them with the real reasons? I don't know your entire situation--and divorce is difficult and painful--but I wish you the best. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

It depends on whether you fight for custody or not. Most courts will give custody to the mother, even if she is not very fit to care for them. Why this is, I don't know.
If she does get custody, the judge will order you to pay child support and, possibly, alimony. So it's up to you to fight for custody, if that is what you want. Otherwise, you will just be awarded visitation.
Take into account the fact that you will need to have child care when you are at work, gone from home, etc. Take into consideration, also, what is best for the children. Don't be selfish in your wants, but consider who can better care for the children and give them the guidance they will need throughout their lives.
Whatever you decide, DO NOT speak badly of the other party in front of the children. They love you both and do not need to be put in the middle of battles you have with your spouse.
When the children are old enough, say 13 or 14 years old, give them the option of choosing who they want to live with. This will alleviate any ill feelings the child will hold towards one or the other of its parents.
I cannot stress strongly enough: DO NOT USE CHILDREN AS PAWNS IN YOUR STRUGGLES WITH YOUR SPOUSE!

Answer 6

dude, knowing nothing else, you'd get hit with the stick... The only thing saving you is maybe, again depending on where you live, MAYBE, you would be the custodial parent and wouldn't have to pay child support. In fact, if you get custody, you maybe able to work it where the alimony and child support payments negate themselves.

I'd say, look up lawyers and go to some free consultations. Ask for recommendations. If in a city where they have free law clinics visit those.

Answer 7

I think she'd get custody, though it may be split with you, and wouldn't you have to sell the house and she'd get half the value? Not sure on that. I do know who'd get "the stick" here, the kids! Have you considered counselling at all?? They say that after 5 years, the split couple wishes they had stuck it out and worked through it, after all, you have invested 10 years together and procreated. If you are serious, go see a lawyer, usually you get one visit free so maybe your questions could be answered in that visit. Good luck to you all

Answer 8

Its hard to say, depends on the state you live in. Just because she has not worked and has no job skills she could always ask for maintenance until she gets some education/job training. Custody would probably be joint.
It's a shame after ten years you can't find a reason to save your marriage. Have you attempted counseling? A trial seperation?

L.

Answer 9

I hate to say it because I don't think it is right but if both of you have been good parents, she will get the kids and the home. When I say she will get the kids, you will both retain custody but she will be primary. She will get allimony because she has not worked during your entire marriage and the kids will get the child support. Don't however go get a second job until after the divorce is final. Good Luck Dude.

Answer 10

this is a tough question. much depends upon how convincing your attorneys are and who the judge is. I wouldn't count on anything at this point. The fact that she has no marketable skills might work in her favor as far as keeping the house. How old are the kids? Your child support amount might end up being astronomical. Talk to an attorney.

Answer 11

Courts are becoming more and more modern, realizing that Dads can and should get custody of the kids, but if she hasn't done anything really BAD, then chances are they will recommend joint custody....In my honest opinion, THE KIDS WILL GET THE WORST END OF THE STICK.