And further more is it healthy for your relationship?
2007-01-23 04:21:13 · 26 answers · asked by sally 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
well, not really cheating if he was aware of what was happening and i guess it's fine for your relationships as long as he was part of the decision making process.
Now if you did this when he was drunk, high, whatever. it may come back and bite you on the @ss.
Also, a lot of people may not be able to handle the stress of a threesome with a close friend and that may also foul things up for you.
2007-01-23 04:25:35 · answer #1 · answered by klgemini29 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
In my personal opinion, having a threesome with your spouse and a third person is not cheating, as long as all three of you understand the guidelines and don't violate those agreements. I've been the "friend" involved with couples on a handful of occasions over the past 35 years, and if she wanted to see me on the side without his knowledge, I declined. After all, I was friends with both of them, and it was an issue of trust.
About healthy, it truly depends on how good a relationship the primary couple have. I never went into a threesome with the intention of breaking up the couple (and I never did), but I've been with couples who thought a threesome would be great and after trying it, one or the other or both decided it wasn't as good in reality as it sounded in discussions or in fantasy.
I also believe that both hubby and wife need to fully consent to being involved, and not just one doing it to make the other happy, that's not going to work out for very long.
But it can be healthy for some stable relationships with three mature and caring people. Obviously, your mileage may vary. Good luck, and peace out!
2007-01-23 08:29:57 · answer #2 · answered by winefp2000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Technically, yes; because, though your husband was there, you had sex with his friend. Regarding whether it is healthy for the relationship...well, if everyone is comfortable with the situation (and the possibility that the sex might be better with the person outside the marriage--it can happen!), then to each his own. If you--or your husband--is uncomfortable with this situation, or if the subject of infidelity has come up BECAUSE of this situation, it is a marriage-killer, and you need to stop, as well as get counseling. Good luck and God bless.
2007-01-23 04:47:30 · answer #3 · answered by Judy W 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not call it cheating at all. This can be good for your relationship ONLY if you both agree on the terms of the threesome. I know many couple, married over 20 years or more that enjoy that type of relationship and they are as close as ever! However, I have seen it destroy marriages and relationships as well. You need to be confident in yourself and your partner You need a lot of self esteem and there must be the security of love. If all those things are true for you, then enjoy.
2007-01-23 04:29:27 · answer #4 · answered by megabites42 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No, it is not cheating, both of you are experiencing another aspect of your relationship. I don't believe that a threesom with two men can or will ever be as damaging as a threesome with two woman. That, I will suggest to NEVER do. It always ends up that the husband and the other woman have an affair. Trust me on this one.
2007-01-23 04:30:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
I wouldn't label it cheating, I mean, if your husband was right there and consenting...don't know if it's healthy for your relationship, each relationship is different, and it depends on the reasons why. If both parties agree to it beforehand, and they have discussed it at length, then it could be a good thing, but if it's spur of the moment or one is pressuring the other, than it could be very bad. It could even be bad if there was discussion before, but it didn't turn out like you thought it would.
2007-01-23 04:26:57 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
No it's not cheating as you're both consensual about it. As for being healthy for the relationship, hard to say. Unless you both understand the ramifications prior to and are emotionally equiped to deal with the potential fall out, then yes it probably could be healthy. A lot of people "swing" but always return to their mate, some do it with out understanding the potential feeling of jealousy, etc, ultimately harming the relationship. Personally speaking I really like the idea of having multiple partners AND being married, as long as everyone is on the same page.
2007-01-23 04:39:09 · answer #7 · answered by Add Man 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Is it cheating? In my opinion, no.
According to Webster's dictionary, cheating involves deception and lying. Since in a threesome or moresome, with your spouse present and on board with it, there is not deception going on. So it isn't cheating.
Is it healthy for your relationship? It depends on how your relationship is to begin with. Swinging won't fix a bad relationship, but it sure won't hurt a good one. And yes, a threesome is technically swinging. The definition of swinging is when a married or otherwise committed couple engages in sex with other couples or singles.
Take juxtaposehere's answer above. She and her husband got into swinging to "fix" their marriage. She thought it would prevent him from having an affair. NOT THE RIGHT REASON TO DO IT. This was doomed from the beginning. And it didn't stop him from having affairs, anyway. This wasn't about swinging, this was about much bigger problems in their relationship that she was trying to solve through swinging. Again, swinging won't fix a troubled relationship.
Do you view sex and love as the same thing? Or is sex and love two different things? If you view it as the same thing, than swinging won't be good for your relationship.
What's a good relationship? It's one that is not built on jealousy. It's a relationship built on love, trust, companionship, lust. It's more than just sex.
For us, sex and love are two different things. We have good sex with each other, we have good sex with others. We only have everything else between us. If sex was all there was to a relationship we'd probably still be with one of our ex's. The sex we have together is lust and love. It's soul sex. The sex with have with others is just lust.
If you are not the jealous type, and the idea of your spouse having good sex with someone else is a turn-on, then it is right for you. Swinging is helping your spouse fulfill their fantasies while you fulfill your own. So it has to be both of your fantasy.
Swinging is the most unselfish thing you could ever do in a relationship. It is giving back something to your spouse that they gave to you when you became a couple. Their sexuality. It's saying "you gave me this in trust, I give it back to you in trust."
Can it be healthy for your relationship? In a 2000 study of the swinger lifestyle by Bellarmine University, they found that 62% of swingers reported their relationship getting better after they started swinging, 36% said it staid the same, and only 2% said it got worse (such as in juxtaposehere's situation above, because they did it for the wrong reasons).
So for couples that are secure in themselves and in each other, it can be a wonderful sexual experience. For those that are not, it can create issues.
For some good, objective information from veteran, newbie, and hopeful swingers (like yourself), check-out The Swingers Board. There is a great Swinger Advice section there as well as the forums are full of great discussions on every topic imaginable about swinging.
2007-01-24 03:26:54 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may seem fun at the time, but yes, this "threesome" activity can play havoc on a healthy relationship. If its healthy, leave it alone! Someone always gets hurt in these situations, or worse, falls in love. People will say it helps a marriage, but in actuality, it harms it big time. Guys are all into the two girls thing, but you said it was your hubby and another friend. Also, keep in mind the disease factor. Aids? Not to mention other "standing ovations"!
2007-01-23 04:29:41 · answer #9 · answered by msjinx39 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are 'with' you husband in this situation, then no. Because he would obviously know about it, and have to approve. Thus- it's not cheating.
Healthy? That depends on the state of your relationship, if this is something that you can handle without it disturbing your life and sex life.
2007-01-23 06:17:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋