Here goes, we have no children, but have a nice life with each other. We are actually friends. The deal though is that she had an affair that I found out about last March with a guy we will call Paul. He is above her at her job and he is married with three kids, one being close to my wife's age. He is older than the two of us by a decade. Well she wanted a divorce and I begged her no, so we went to counseling; she came back home and things were great! I changed a lot, because I really wasn't meeting her needs before. Life was GRAND and she had no complaints. Well just found out a week or so ago that her and this same guy were talking again. I also found out that they had sex the first time around. Well, I told my wife a divorce was necessary, but she has BEGGED me back this time. She told me she was serious this time about changing her life and going to church and we need to renew our vows. She got her cell # changed and added detailed billing but I am still undecided.
2007-01-23 03:47:12 · 39 answers · asked by livinginoxford2009 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
that's very hard...i'd think about leaving her. you'll always think about it
2007-01-23 03:50:50 · answer #1 · answered by Peter 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You said that she only had sex with him the first time, and that was a year ago. She only talked to him this time? Is she cheating again or just talking? Why is she talking to him? If she still works under him, I agree, she needs to change jobs if at all possible. Also she needs to turn him in for sexual harassment if that's the case. I went through this, a boss who makes you feel like you can't keep your job, unless you comply. But I wasn't married.
It's going to be hard to trust her. If you love her and are willing to watch the situation to make sure that it doesn't go any farther than talking, than I would make the effort. But you can't be so jealous as to be afraid every time she talks to some guy. But talking to THAT guy is not a wise thing to do. If you can forgive her for what happened a year ago, make sure she's satisfied at home, and feel that you can trust her not to let it happen again, then there's always hope that she'll be a good and faithful wife.
The best of wishes for you.
2007-01-23 04:16:44 · answer #2 · answered by Angel L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a hard question.. that truly only you have the answer to.
It's great she made an attempt.. but with the trust weakening it will be hard for you believe what she is saying/doing. I think that you will always have that doubt in your mind.
As to the counseling.. you can't change the unwilling. Is any of this a cover up?
The bottom line is will/can you ever trust her?
What is she going to do the next time she is tempted?
Sounds to me like, she is just going to cover her tracks better.
I say once a cheater always a cheater.
But only you know the whole situation and the persons involved. Pray for guidance.
Good Luck!!
2007-01-23 04:15:26 · answer #3 · answered by Heather 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Jason 1 It will be ok to give her another chance but do you actually think she'll be good on the third time around. When us as people find our self in trouble the first thing we do is bring up GOD, not saying that your lady couldn't make a change but there's something in relationship that you guys are lacking and then again your lady might get a kick out of having a lover. Love making is better when your sneaking, it's a thrill and adventures
Good Luck J1
2007-01-23 04:02:08 · answer #4 · answered by JAJA32 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your wife wants to have her cake and eat it too. the next time that you mention divorce...follow through. cause you are just being put through too much pain and suffering. she needs to get another job and stop sleeping with the boss...cause that will not help her to advance in her career (except in the bedroom). now about you...she has made her decision...now you have to make yours. do you want to continue to sit there and be misreable or do you want to start living your life for you and being happy by doing what you want to do instead of just sitting there taking this kind of treatment from her. you know where she works don't you? well then send her a letter that is adressed to her. letting her know how you feel and what you are going to do. just go ahead and hire an attorney and start the divorce proceedings so you can move on with your life.
eta: if you two share a cell phone plan...you may want to consider getting your own plan in your own name.
2007-01-23 04:16:27 · answer #5 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't leave your heart open again. She is either addicted to the thrill of cheating & may even believe what she is saying to u or is just not happy & not willing to admit it. It takes a lot of soul searching & maybe even needs to lose everything to stop that behavior. She's definitely not thinking about losing your relationship. The thing is, she thinks u won't leave her no matter what, so why stop? It will happen again. She will just be more careful. We only live once...don't live with that!
2016-03-28 22:44:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've learned the hard way that people don't change. But it's up to you. Can you trust her and push the doubts away? Do you think that you will feel ok when she is late coming home from work? Some people on here will tell you to follow your heart but I say listen to your gut. It will let you know if it's worth spending your time on. You didn't cheat she did. Do you deserve that kind of treatment or do you deserve better?
2007-01-23 03:55:00 · answer #7 · answered by masterzuaba 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it was one time and you got past it I would say ok. BUT since she has done this twice I would say that you need to move on because if I were you I wouldnt be able to trust her anymore. You deserve someone that values you and she obviously doesn't! Move on I'm sure that another woman in the future will appriciate you, just be happy that you two didnt have any children together-Good luck and stay strong.
2007-01-23 03:54:52 · answer #8 · answered by mom of twins 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She needs to switch jobs.She apparently loves you enough to insitute a number of actions - think about the way she handled her cell number and detailed billing. If you had cheated on her,you'd want her to forgive you,I guess. Please forgive her,but she will have to get away from the environment in which her nemesis lurks. If you folks can afford to move away in order to save your marriage,I'd urge you to do that ASAP.Also,she'll need to close any email accounts that he is aware of and change all her passwords.She must cut off from him entirely,or the temptation will rear its head.
I am sure she never meant to grieve you.Please find a way to forgive her and help get this episode behind her.He who is forgiven much,loves much more in response.
2007-01-23 04:02:13 · answer #9 · answered by Mimi U 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe she should leave the job, if at all possible. she seems to be serious about making it work, only time will tell. depends on if u really love her, and can get past this. she will always come up with excuses to cheat, one can always find a reason to do it. she may have come to her senses when faced with the consequences of her actions. as she may see there is no future with Paul.
2007-01-23 04:02:35 · answer #10 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. That is a hard one. The question is. Do you love her? If you do, then let her know up front how you feel and what you are willing to do to keep the marriage going. Ask her what she needs from you. It may be that you don't give her enough attention. Or you don't allow her to be free in bed. You never know. So ask her. It meant so much to me when my husband asked me how he could please me. When I told him something small and he went about it as though he cared, I fell so much more in love with him. so I ask you, do you love her enough to make her happy? She loves you. But there is a void in her that between the two of you has to be addressed....
2007-01-23 03:56:19 · answer #11 · answered by Bill & Janet 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋