I am really sick of living this loney life my husband goes out once or twice a week drinking at the sports bar or gambling at the track. When he is home we fight about him going out I have tried to compromise and say hey tell me in advanced so i wont have to flip a coin on whether your coming home or not. this has been going on for 6 yrs and we have an eight year old son Do you have any ideas?
2007-01-23 03:43:34 · 28 answers · asked by lucyQ 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let me ask you this..........what are the consequences of him staying out late and drinking with his brother? Besides just you getting mad? Does he sleep on the couch? Does he get locked out? Do you deny him sex for a week or a month? Do you refuse to cook his meals? Do his laundry? Clean the house? Do you make it painful for him each time he does it? Marriage is supposed to be about compromise and respect. But more importantly than how it affects you, he needs to realize how it's affecting his sons. I would never recommend divorce when children are involved (unless in abusive situations) but there should be more painful consequences for his actions beyond you being upset. Clearly he couldn't care less about that!
2007-01-23 03:50:41 · answer #1 · answered by ? 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ultimately it's your decision but some of my suggestions are:
1) Counseling - Just you telling him how you feel (which is logical and understanding) isn't getting through to him so maybe if a professional or a priest does he'll get it and shape up.
2) Ask him if he's cheating - Some situations where the guy says he's doing one thing and consistently at that is maybe doing another. Just be honest.
3) Give him an ultimatum - If you don't start spending time with me and your son, then I'll leave and find someone that will!
4) Just leave in general - if this behavior has been going on for 6 years then something is definitely wrong.
I hope something works out for you.
2007-01-23 03:50:36 · answer #2 · answered by Steph 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he is gambling away tons of money and coming home wasted....him going out once or twice a week isn't so bad. He should be able to still go out, without shirking his father/husband responsibility. If he is not keeping up his end of the marriage, then maybe counselling would help. It sounds like that is more the case, if he isn't coming home at night....you might want to have a long heart to heart about where he is in this marriage...
Good luck
2007-01-23 03:49:10 · answer #3 · answered by reauxmarie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why does it bother you so much if it is only a couple of nights a week? He is not joined to you at the hip. Why can't he still go out with his brother. You need to get yourself a hobby that takes you out of the house as well so you are not in clock watching for him to come home? How can you be lonely if it is once or twice a week? That is max 2 nights from 7. Give the guy a break.
2007-01-23 03:48:39 · answer #4 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whenever he is home, just leave a note and leave. Talk to your son and tell him in advance what you are doing. Do it a couple weeks and see what happens. If he stops then it worked,. If he threatens you physically, go to the magistrate's office and get him locked up for a night. This will work best if he is drunk at the time. He MUST have done something illegal to you for that to work. While he is there, go to your mom's to stay for a while.It sounds drastic but there is a good chance it will work. I am assuming, of course, that you have already sat down and tried to have a grown conversation, then you should try that first.
2007-01-23 04:07:57 · answer #5 · answered by saveit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a sitter and meet him where ever he is going once in awhile so that you two can share the same things. Then tell him you want to spend one night out a week with just the family it does not have to be something that cost a lot of money like maybe walking in the park. Or a movie. Tell him if he wants to hang out with his brother you do not have a problem with it but he has to take you sometimes and spend one night a week just with the family and see what he says. If he loves you then he can go with a deal like that. Good Luck
2007-01-23 03:48:28 · answer #6 · answered by Virginia B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest marriage counseling? Or if not try and sit down and talk- not argue- about the situation. Just tell him that you don't mind him going out as long as he calls and tell you he will be out. Then make your own plans! Go out somewhere as well, go meet up with your friends or take up a class in yoga or something. Do something to get out on your own. Its healthy to give each other space. Try reading some books on relationships and marriage- Love Smart by Dr Phil is a good one!
Good luck.
2007-01-23 03:49:50 · answer #7 · answered by Suki 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since it has been going on for so long and you haven't done anything about it it will be tough to get him to break his habits now. He is not setting a good example for your son. Drinking and gambling are expensive, can he afford it? Talk to him, tell him how you are feeling. Maybe you and he could have a night out one night and one night he could go with the guys? Good luck!
2007-01-23 03:47:42 · answer #8 · answered by chemky1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you not go out with your friends? Is this a type of relationship where he makes you stay at home? If it isn't, try to have some time where he stays at home once or twice a week to take care of your child while you go out with your friends.
If you are not allowed to leave, you guys might want to seek some counseling.
2007-01-23 03:47:35 · answer #9 · answered by Drew P 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Was he like this before you got married?Is he fighting about this or are you fighting about this. Is twice a week with his brother at a sports bar the problem or maybe something else.
2007-01-23 04:29:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋