How to deal with a co-worker that i found out is 2 faced?

Question

I befriended this person and helped her out at work a lot .i just found out that a petty complaint made against me that caused me some grief at work came from her.At present she doesn't know that I know it was her.I now deal with her only on a professional level, i no longer "help her out".I now know what a manipulative deceptive person she is.She presents the face of being sweet and religous.I feel like a fool because i actually felt sorry for her because of all her "problems" i listened to and gave sympathy about.My husband thinks she is jealous of me because i am about to retire in 2 yrs and this lady is much older than me and won't be able to retire until she is about 100 yrs old.I have to deal with this woman for another 2 yrs.I am finding it difficult be cause now she wants to know why I am "angry" with her( i no longer "help her out",she take this as angry.)Every time i have to work with her i feel nauseated because i know how deceptive she is and i can't say anything.

Answer 1

I think you work with my ex-wife.

Answer 2

Just tell her you have a lot on your mind and it's personal and you just want to focus on work.
Maybe after a while she will find someone else to hold her attention and let you work in peace until you retire.
If she doesn't let up... stretch the truth, say a friend has a problem and you are trying to figure out how to help... she doesn't have to know that you are your own friend. :-)

At work is where you deal with people professionally...not to make friends necessarily...you could say something along those lines or like "I'm busy enough with the friends I have." Or say you can't get involved anymore you are planning and looking forward to your retirement and just are counting the days until then.

Don't feel like a fool for being kind to someone.... she's the idiot, not you. Next time your BS detector will be set on 'ultra sensitive' and you'll be able to see right through the next person.
When you feel sick around her just get up and go get some fresh air for a minute... say you are pre-menopausal (if you are of a certain maturity) or something believable.

If all else fails... tell her flat out what's on your mind. Then it'll be clear as day to her and you will feel amazing (until you let yourself feel guilty.)
You could borrow one of my favorite lines in a movie...."There are two things I don't like about you....... your face!"

Good luck to you! Happy retirement!

Answer 3

Oh dear, I am sorry for that situation! What a woman! I hate people like that and honestly wouldn't be able to bear their presence after such a thing. I would do either of the 2 things. Talk to her honestly or
despite how you are feeling, try to let it go, and be on good terms with her professionally without making it seem like a cold war. Since she will be there for a while, and u r there for a while, why make the work environment negative. It's only going to set you back, make going to work a much harder deal, and perhaps even cause more troubles with her in the future. Now that you know what she is like, it's possible she could go to other lengths if negativity builds in her against you.

I think, if you can muster the courage, taking her aside, and having a private word with her would be the best idea. Since this is also worrying you and taking your peace of mind away. Tell her honestly that you came to know about something, and it has hurt you. See what she says. Don't tell her who you hv heard it from. Maybe your relationship might be better after that talk when she realizes what she has done, or maybe it might remain the same. But you will feel better that you communicated and put it on the table. Then she will know not to mess with you.

Whatever you do, remain on pleasant terms with her, as you would, with any other employee. Smile, or say hi, or help each other out at work. Sometimes, we do hv to put up a facade at work even when u don't like someone. That's just how it is. By visibly ignoring her, other people at work might get curious, and things can get blown out of proportion.

Best would be to talk to her.

All the best! And don't worry....
I hope this work situation gets better soon.

PS: I would like to add to not retaliate or do tit for tat. It only makes things worse for you. You want to be able to like yourself. So remain a good human being.

Answer 4

Avoid them at all cost. Only maintain a professional relationship (if you even have to have a relationship) but as far as personal communication goes, thats where you draw the line. Those people usually cause others great discomfort at the office.

I think you should clear you conscience and let her know that you found out that she isn't a genuine person. Let her know that you would prefer if you just execised professionalism when at work, but you do not want to work closely with her. Don't be a hypocrite, speak your mind. You will feel better in the end.

Answer 5

Be super nice to her and make her feel bad. Don't give her any info about yourself or work stuff, just be nice to her. She'll feel like crap.

While being nice to her, do things without her knowing, like put cat crap in her office air vent, change the password on her computer when she leaves it on. Since you are being nice to her, she will suspect someone else.

Answer 6

i think you should say something, i know i would. keep it in a tactful manner but once you let her know then the air is clear and you can move on! don't let yourself feel bad for having open ear and for having the benefit of the doubt, you are a good person :)

Answer 7

ignore her OR
tell her you are too busy to continuously help her out
tell her to figure out her own problems

and leave it at that
dont start a petty Cat fight