Product of the U.S. welfare system??

Question

My husband (stb ex) has told me that his family got food stamps and welfare for the majority of his childhood.

What I don't understand, is if you grew up with no money, supposedly no food, ect - it seems like that would make you want to work harder and to have a better life than what you grew up with - but I've heard that is not how it works - my hubby is a excellent example.

He has a h.s. education - makes no effort to get any more job training, ect. He is incredibly wasteful with food, money,ect and what baffles me the most is his sense of entitlement - that everyone 'owes' him something.

I don't mean to generalize, but I can't help but think that this behavior is partly caused by getting 'handouts' for so long.

I am tired of supporting him. I make 2x the income that he does and he just takes it for granted.

what do y'all think?

Answer 1

I think you should find a good divorce lawyer.

Adults tend to be a product of their upbringing.

If they had poor parents, but the parents enforced on them the need for an education, the kids generally have a shot at being successful.

Likewise, if they had rich parents who let their kids be lazy, the kids have a good shot at squandering the family fortune away.


Unfortunately, good businessmen/women tend to reinforce this desire in children, and lazy parents tend to produce lazy kids.

Answer 2

Children learn the value system that their parents model for them. Kids who are the product of a home where the adults think they are entitled and learn to "work the system" to get something for nothing will think that is the norm. Sadly, you married one of them.

Don't expect him to change. These attitudes are deeply ingrained. But don't assume that all welfare recipients are the same. Many want nothing more than to get off the dole and become independent. In some cases the system itself is the enemy. Say, for example, a single mom with a h.s. education finds a minimum wage job. Now she no longer qualifies for assistance. But she has incurred child care expenses, travel expenses, possibly wardrobe expenses, and maybe health care expenses as well. Supports need to be in place to ease the transition from dependence to independence. And it's true, some people never want to make the move.

As for the wasteful part, I never could understand that. I am frugal to a fault. It's the only way I can take vacations to exotic places on a very modest salary! But you can't teach it to someone who doesn't want to learn.

Answer 3

Regards the header on your question; to play devils advocate, it may be he turned out that way because of the way he and his family was treated by the system. Twenty years ago, there was a heck of a lot more unemployment (depending where you were). If his family couldn't get anywhere due to unemployment from layoffs, etc. their attitude might of been "to hell with them".

The sense of entitlement may have come from that sort of situation when you 'know' from the media that there are rich people everywhere, and your question is 'where's mine?'.

Why bother work your butt off for a company, when you know from family experience that it can taken away so easily. Why set youself for failure you've already seen happen to your dad or mom?

Having put forth this argument (which may or may not have anything to do with his situation), ultimately he has to be responsible for his own actions. If his actions are causing you problems and there is no way to resolve the situation then best of luck to you. We all have the right to be happy.

Peace

Answer 4

yes, unfortunately there are many people that seem to have that same sense of entitlement. It may very well be due to the Welfare system. I remember struggling as a young mother and going to the welfare office for help. Maybe things have changed now, but years ago I felt as though the system rewarded the people that wanted to sit at home and do nothing but have babies. They were much less helpful to the hard working people that just needed a little help to get get by.

I think you should talk to your husband and communicate your feelings. Marriage is a partnership, not a free ride for the lazy.

Answer 5

You shouldn't have to GIVE him anything. If he's able to work, he needs to work and earn his own keep. He has a sense of entitlement because the government paved the way to this future. Unfortunately, until he changes his attitude about what he "thinks" he "deserves"...he'll always be that way. There are some people that get lazy, and when they get lazy, it's hard to snap 'em out of it. It's a personal change. If he doesn't want to change, nobody can make him. However, you don't owe him anything! I've been married to my husband for 13 and 1/2 years. I'm a stay-home mom, but let me tell you something... I WORK my butt off, and I don't get paid a thing. I don't think I'm due anything, either. This was my chosen line of work. It's thankless at times, and I don't earn a paycheck or any form of reward for what I do. But, I chose for my life to be this way. However, my husband works very hard for the money he earns for this home. I don't believe he "owes" me anything. We are "one" when we got married, but it takes TWO to run the home! We have never lived on welfare. We are doing our part to ensure that never happens. However, if we ever did find ourselves in that unfortunate position, I would never use that as an excuse to say, "Hey, you owe me!"

You could tell him to get off his lazy you know what and get a life of his own, but I can guarantee you right now...unless he feels the same way about himself, he won't change, and you're yelling at him won't do any good. Good luck to you : )

By the way, I hate to say it, but it must be said. For an "adult to be a product of his upbringing"...he'd have to have NO way of thinking for himself. He's CHOOSING to be the way he is. It's easier for him! We have choices, as adults. He's old enough to know the difference between right and wrong. He just has to have the...you know what's (don't wanna get reported)...to make the changes necessary.

Answer 6

If you don't also resent the unearned wealth of the children of the rich, which clogs our economic system and kills the incentive of the rest of us, then your complaint is one-sided and your peasant attitude doesn't belong in America.

Second, the excessive demands of the rich stockholders and upper management on their employees are a tax. Only a worthless and slavish person would grant these economic parasites the right to determine wages. Wall Street panhandlers own no businesses; they only own workplaces, which the workers create the entire value of. Faced with such neo-capitalist oinkonomics, no wonder your husband isn't motivated.

Answer 7

The truth of the matter is that it is extremely difficult to decide who REALLY needs a helping hand and who does not by the government. I suspect that there are people who use the system to better themselves- and that is great. However, human behaviour being what it is, welfare or aid and assistance can be a crutch that enables feeble minded people to become just dependent people forever. It sounds like your soon to be ex is a product of that type of mentality! Good luck and GOOD for you!

Answer 8

It is a pain to go through getting on welfare because of the paperwork and hassles involved. Even if he can't find his dream job, he's gotta be hustling up something..legit. A woman needs a non-working spouse like a fish needs a bic.....

Answer 9

I agree with you for the most part. I know that there are some people out there that do genuinely need the assistance and they do try hard to better their situation and get out of the assistance programs.
Others I think take full advantage of the system because it's "easy". They don't have to do much at all but stay home and collect assistance. Whether they just don't care, or are just plain lazy, who knows..but it's just annoying if you ask me. I don't mind that my tax money goes to help people that really truly need the help, but it really upsets me that most of money is going to these people who are perfectly capable of working, but refuse to do it just because it's easier to stay at home and do nothing.

Answer 10

He is using you! He wants a handout and you need to get rid of his azz. Thats what I would do!