Does anyone have this problem?

Question

My husband has been with 4 women previously before me and I am soo jealous. I know it's in the past and I shouldn't worry about it, but I still do. I had never had sex with any guy before I was with him, so I guess that's why it bothers me so bad. It doesn't effect our sex life, but there are times when we are fighting that I spit out something mean and evil about his past. For instance, the other night we were arguing because he hasn't wanted to *** in me (i was off of bc) but I told him that it never mattered to him before b/c he did with other girls without a condom or with them on pills. Please help!

Answer 1

Well, my wife had several guys before me, and she is my "one and only". HOWEVER when I married her I accepted her past. I don't have to like it, but I can no longer hold it against her.

In our case, my problem is different - I am being driven crazy by wanting to experience other women. I haven't and won't do anything, but I am obsessed with it.

Answer 2

First of all, he may not be ready to make you pregnant, and it looks like you are not ready to be a mother quite yet. You need to gain some maturity and know this:
We all have a right to a past and if he had four women or forty it's in the PAST. he is married to YOU now. and if you want to keep it that way, let the past stay where it is. What he did and with whom before he married you is over and done with. It's not that the dude was a serial killer that might slit your throat at any moment. He just had a few relationships before you. Get the difference? Make sure when you argue to argue constructively and about things that actually matter. Do not use insults and degrade the guy, men's egos are fragile and it really is useless to mention his past, (four women is nothing, believe me.)
If you are to have children your marriage will gain another dimension which will require you to work together as a team. and you do not want your future children to have a bad opinion of their father. Respect one another and your marriage, so you will be together forever.

Answer 3

No, I don't have this problem. I got over this childish stuff long time ago. Maybe it was the wrong thing for you to do to marry your first sexual partner - if you had dated around first, you would have realized that sexual experiences is something that comes and goes, and they for the most part do not occupy a significant place in the person's present. Even the strongest of feelings and the most memorable of impressions tend to fade away in time, as new priorities take their place. Your husband's priorities now lie with you; if you keep bringing up his past, you're doing him and yourself a big disservice by keeping it alive instead of burying it (which is what it deserves). There's nothing wrong with acknowledging the past - but to keep it a part of your present life is dysfunctional. Four women is a miniscule amount; most guys I'd been with had slept with many more than that; my own number is probably nearing 30. So what? You really have to focus on your marriage - if you focus too much on the past, your relationship is doomed, might as well walk out now instead of slowly undermining it. Find constructive ways to address your problems.

Answer 4

I am seeing lots of people tell you to "let it go," and I agree with them. Unfortunately, you're not getting suggestions on how to do that. The fact of the matter is that you did marry your husband in spite of his sexual history. Marrying him, I would think, implies acceptance of him. If you choose to marry someone, you are saying, in effect, "I accept you completely." Therefore, for you to complain about his history with other women is wrong of you, because you're telling him that your acceptance of him in marriage was a lie. It's not like he can go back in time and make different choices, so you are beating him up over something he can't do anything about. Therefore, to move on, you need to do one thing: aplogize. Apologize sincerely for bringing up women of the past, for behaving angrily toward him about them, and for bringing them up in arguments. Then, as part of a good apology, take the final step and repent. Tell him you will do your best never, ever to bring up those other women again, no matter what the circumstances. And then follow through. Once you apologize, and he has forgiven you, you will find it much easier to stop thinking about the women before you.

Answer 5

Only 4 - you should feel lucky - what if the number was 30 or 40. I doubt there are many men around that don't have some sort of a past that would concern you so you better let it go if you do not want to ruin your marriage.
If him not wanting to *** inside you is a problem, see if he will *** in your mouth. If he won't do that, you will want to hire a P.I. to check him out.

Answer 6

You need to let it go. He is with you now. Maybe he is not ready for a baby and that can happen when you don't use a condom. What he did before he was with you is the PAST leave it there or you may not have a future with him!

Answer 7

It's amazing what people think is a problem and what they don't. I see this as the real problem " he hasn't wanted to *** in me (i was off of bc)". So do you want to get prego? Obviously he does not want to be a father, regardless of how many sex partners he's had. You do realize that "pulling out" is only like 25% effective. You will get prego with the prayer method as catholics call it. That is the real problem. Yep, another knoced up single mom. Geeze.

Answer 8

Oh please, get over it!

If you want a virgin man look for a monk. For heaven's sake, you attitude is childish and inmature. You are a married woman now, behave like one!

I really pity your husband, how can you make him feel guilty about having a healthy normal life. You cannot measure anyone by your standards or expect that everyone makes YOUR choices. Princess, he had a life before you and not everything is about you

Get real

Answer 9

be glad it was only 4 women he has had unprotected sex with - hell, be glad he has only been with 4 women period. my bf said he was with 25 - i am sure that the number is probably much higher. but i think that you would be jealous if he had only 1 woman before you. i know it can be hard to supress jealousy, but you need to try. be glad he's pulling out, then you don't have to worry about the goo in your panties or lack of panties and running down your thigh.

Answer 10

You might want to ask if he is sleeping with others now, this might be your intuition screaming to you. I used to be jealous of my husbands female friend, never understood why until he told me about his affair.


Then I realized the signs were there all along I had hushed my intuition. Ask him point blank if you suspect anything right now. if he says no believe him and quit being jealous of the past...he's with you now because he wants to be!