I feel I am being controlled by everyone, how do I stop thinking this way?

Question

When I drive the person in front of me controls my speed. When I ride the train my ability to exit my seat is controlled by the person sitting next to me. The police follow me around harassing me, they control me. The courts take my money, they control me. I am very frustrated. Is anyone else going through this? Do you feel that far too many aspects of your life are out of your control? How do you deal with it?

Answer 1

Ha, swim UPstream, my friend. It sounds like you fare from a pretty bustling city, and if I were to guess I'd say Beantown. However, putting that aside, let me say this: You choose to have your life controlled. You have been having this done to you for some time and think that there is no way around it. What's stopping you from leaning on your horn? That's how you move traffic. If the guy in front of you is going 20 mph on the highway and you can't pass him, flash your highbeams and lean on the horn for at least 30 seconds. Trust me, ten seconds into it, the person in front of you will move, but don't let go! Keep holding down your horn as you pass him, letting him know that you mean business. Also, you might want to consider getting a louder horn. You can buy a foghorn online for around $30, and it'll make people get the hell out of your way, lol. Trust. As far as the train goes, who's stopping you from pushing people? Yea, it's rude, but when you've got some place to go, put your head down and plow through. It helps if you're a bigger guy like myself, but just think big. Widen your shoulders and if anybody gives you sh!t, flash them a dirty look. If they really want to take it to the next level, let them. I mean, what's the worst that can happen; you get beaten up on a train? Who cares?! I've gotten beaten up in public bathrooms, strangers' houses, work, McDonalds, bars, and even a hospital once, lol. You just can't be scared of everyone. Show the world you mean business, even if it means sacrificing your dignity. As for the police, if they follow you around (as they do me because I'm pretty much the only punk-looking guy in my town), go up to their car and talk to them. They can't arrest you for that. Just ask them how it feels to be controlled by a government that doesn't care about them, or offer them a doughnut, fresh from your pocket. Lol, and yea, I sometimes carry around doughnuts when I walk the streets alone for this exact reason. And the courts? If you ever have time, go to them. Go to somebody's trial and in the middle of something unimportant, jump up and yell "I OBJECT!" They get pretty pissed at me, but I've only gotten kicked out once. So just control your life, knowing it is yours and that nobody can control it but you. F*ck the norms, you know what I mean? Don't let society control you like that. Color outside the lines, color off the paper and onto the f*cking walls. Just create chaos, and people will get out of your way. TRUST.

Answer 2

Control is something you can give to others, but you never lose unless you allow it.

I know that children will often say "My mom never lets me do any-
thing!" and yes, that is a form of control. However once you have
reached an age of maturity and are responsible for your own
action, then my friend you are the master of your own destiny.

Would it wise to speed past a car doing the speed limit and
slowing you down? Not really, but you have the choice to
do so if you desire.

On the train, you control how and when you get off by choosing
to stand. Having your money taken away may be required by
law - However you don't have to pay. You may be arrested as
a result, but it is your choice to make.

Doing the right thing is always something you should consider,
but no one is twisting your arm to force you to do what you do
not wish to do. There may be other penalties if you refuse to
do as society demand, but that is your choice to make.

Only you can control your own life.

Answer 3

they do not control you. they INFLUENCE you. everything and everyone around you influence you. The person in front of you does not control your speed. If you want to, you can go around them, or simply push them faster. The person sitting next to you does not control whether or not you exit your seat, they influence it. You can ask them to move, push them out of the way, even climb over top of them. The courts don't control you by taking your money. The influence you by taking your money. You could forcibly take it back. You could take your money and move to a different country before they could take it from you. You could take away the reason they have the right to take it from you.... EVERYTHING you mentioned is INFLUENCE.... Control would be where you have NO other option than to do what someone else wants. If someone blows your head off, they are controlling that you will die. You have no other option. If someone puts a gun to your head and trys to control you to give them all of your money, they are not controlling you. They are influencing your amount of options. You can either give them the money like they want or die. You do have a choice to disobey. You are just influenced enough to comply with most attempts to control you because you don't want to face the consequences of not doing so. The consequences of not complying are normally the greater evil of your options.

Answer 4

Well I'm a mother and I can't change, feed, play or so much as take my child outside without my mother telling me I'm doing it all wrong. She's trying to control me and my parenting but hunny some times you just have to speak up. When your on the train tell the person the next stop is yours. Keep a log of the officers who are harassing you, and of how often they stop you. That way you can go to the police station and file a complaint. As for the court and a$$ hole drivers well that's just something every one has to deal with eventually.

Answer 5

I hear you! As a control freak myself, I get frustrated at things (& people) beyond my control. Which is almost everything (& everyone!) You can't make other drivers speed up or slow down or be courteous or drive properly or stop being idiots. You can give them the finger & yell at them (which is the option I normally exercise...) or you can choose to control your reaction to them & not let it get to you. You can only control you. If you let them bother you then you are under their control. I know it's easier said than done but it is healthier. Here are a few tips that might help with driving anyway: leave a little earlier than you normally would to meet your destination. When you're running late & in a hurry to get to work etc, you are naturally more stressed, driving faster & will be more frustrated, if you have extra time you can relax and hang back a bit. Try not to take things personally. There are a lot of idiots out there & they are not conspiring to ruin your day (or maybe they are sometimes ha ha) they are just being themselves. So just shrug it off. Just think calmly "look at that moron. Could you drive any slower? Are you parked? Oh well, sucks to be him" It's not worth getting mad about. Also if you're not speeding the police may not follow you & you probably won't have to go to court! So it will solve all your problems!

We don't get to control the weather, other people, life, death or much of anything really & trying to control these things is only hurting you, stressing you out, making you angry. So just learn to let go. You can control your reaction to whatever happens. You can choose to be happy & calm rather than stressed out. Take a deep breath & think "this is not the end of the world. It's not so bad." All of us have bad days. All of us have irritations, annoyances, frustrations, things that go wrong. You can't let it get you down.

I wish I could control everyone & make them all do the right thing, do things my way. I wish I could write a script of how the world should be & everyone would follow it. But it doesn't work that way! I can do the right thing myself & hope others follow but even when they disagree with me I must accept them & not get angry. I'm working on it. It's hard!

Good luck. Remember, control isn't healthy & is only hurting you. I know our need for control probably stems from childhood issues. The bottom line is why ever we are this way, it's better to let go of the need for control. Life happens. We might as well enjoy it instead of ruining it for ourselves by wishing it were different.

I control the things I can. I take care of myself. I have no unhealthy addictions. I control my finances. I am responsible. I have a nice home. I lock the doors so it's safe from intruders. I take care of my things. I like to keep my house clean, tidy & organized. It makes me happy because I feel calm when surrounded by beautiful things that are nicely displayed. I am extremely organized. These things make me feel safe & bring order to an otherwise chaotic world, but once I step outside my door, the rest of the world is not so organized. It may be a mess & people may be doing things that I believe to be wrong. I can stand up for what I believe but I can not force anyone to conform to my wishes. All I can do is be true to myself, be happy with me, accept the world as is & hope for the best...by the way, you didn't mention banks which control us. They have us over a barrel really. But what can you do? You've got to have a bank account...Anyway, you just can't let it bother you! This is the world we're in!

Again, good luck! I struggle with this too. I will try to remember on my drive home: there will always be rude drivers, slow drivers, tailgaiters. I wish everyone was doing the same speed as me, not too slow or too fast. I wish other people were courteous like me & signalled their intentions. I wish people were thoughtful & allowed others to merge into the lane. But I also wish I was rich & famous & would win a lottery & live happily every after. So if I'm realistic, I realize the road of life has limits & I must accept them if I want to be happy.

Happy travelling!
:)

Answer 6

Stop being a sociopath. The person infront of you controlling your speed is just a part of physics.....humans can't walk through other humans. GO around. The person on the train controling when you leave your seat.....Take an aisle seat!. The police following you around.....Stop engaging in suspicious activity. The courts taking your money.....Stop Breaking the law. I have yet to go to court for anything, let alone to the point where it happens a lot...you must be doing something wrong. Stop complaining.

Answer 7

many of the aspects that we go through in life are controlled by another. Many of us are too going through the same things. Yet, the decision to be apart of something is totally controlled by us...Now if there is an monopoly on what ever it is that you need to use and they is no other way to get around it (options) than the way that I'd deal with it, is by going to another place in my head. Examples, music/DVD/writing/reading-in order to pass the time away during to controlling factor that I cannot control.

Answer 8

Dear friend, I understand your phobia and I empathise with you. I understand that had it been possible for you to come out of it you would have . Long ago. Something is holding you .

To me , from such a distance , it looks that in your earlier period , in the growing up stage someone constantly took decisions on your behalf and you simply let it happen. Thus , over a period of time you may have lost the ability to take charge of yourself. This , you read it as someone else controlling you. No one is. You are handing over the control to the others.

It is not difficult to come out it . You have to start somewhere. Somehow. Confide in some of your close friends. tell them that you would like to take decisions from now on. When in a restaurant with other friends, YOU order the food , choosing for them.Make new friends. Take charge. You will see yourself emerging from the self imprisoned state.

Answer 9

May be you have the ''feeling'' that you are being controlled,but nobody is controlling you,in fact,nobody can control anybody,unless you authorize them to.
We live in a very complex society ,but still each one of us has to learn that he or she is very valuable as a being,as an energy, and prove to the whole world that YOU exist. Face the world, and dare them,be succesful,chase big dreams,live...

Answer 10

YES i do often enough feel the same way.
well what you can do for starters is do what you want no matter what anyone has to say (just be smart enough not to get caught!) as far as the cops... i used to get followed by undercovers (i knew damn well they were cops) so one day i just started following the one that was on my tail right back! it was too funny. you were talking about the guy next to you on the train. well when i was living in california the old asian ladies would always stare me and my ex down and talk s*** so my ex would fart on them. you gotta do things to make yourself laugh because theres just somethings you just cant change.