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I just started seeing this guy, who i like, but he seems really feminine. I know that he's really into me, but i'm so confused - thinking that maybe he just hasn't accepted who he is or come out of the closet yet? Maybe the more important question is - is there any way you can ask your guy if he's gay? And how would you go about it? And please, i'm serious here so don't make jokes :)

2007-01-23 02:31:41 · 12 answers · asked by vrrygood 2 in Society & Culture Cultures & Groups Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender

and the reason i suspect he's gay is because of his mannerisms - he's quite feminine in the way he talks...which i know doesn't automatically mean anything...i guess it's just a sense i have. Also, he's 39 and has never been married or engaged.

2007-01-23 02:39:00 · update #1

12 answers

Human sexuality is not black and white. There are some very effeminate men who are in fact straight. Also, just because a man seems manly doesn't mean that he can't surprise you twenty years down the road with the sexuality he had hidden for years.

Obviously if he is in to you, he either doesn't know he is gay or isn't gay, in which case your question won't do any good.

You never mentioned whether or not you are fond of him. Why don't you start with your feelings and go from there?

2007-01-23 02:51:03 · answer #1 · answered by D 3 · 0 0

If you have to ask, he really probably is!
If not he is still more feminie than you seem to feel comfortable with.
If he IS gay he is obviously not ready to admit it yet (or he wouldnt be dating you)
If he is NOT gay then he might be slightly offened about the questions....
maybe he is bisexual
which would explain everything
I would advise against asking him directly...
maybe you can find out if he would have an interest in a 3 way or something like that and see what his reply is.
Might be a great idea to remain friends with him

2007-01-23 02:41:57 · answer #2 · answered by kissmymiddlefinger 5 · 0 0

you are confusing gender expression with gender preference.

Some of the straightest and most sexually accomplished men I know are also some of the most feminine. The two things do NOT relate to one another.

If you saw my partner, I doubt you would ever guess. People think he's alot of things, but gay or bi isn't one of them until for some reason they stumble on it -- and he's not closeted at all, so he isn't hiding anything. He refers to me as his partner or by name -- he talks about what we do together (not sexually, just things like vacations and planning holidays) freely with his workmates, but it still took some of them several years to figure it out -- and a number of very inappropriate passes by some of the women in his office, including one who tried to give him a back massage (uninvited) while he worked -- to help them to finally get it. (to be fair, some got it immediately).

Even I, while somewhat mothering, am otherwise pretty much invisible otherwise. I have a large picture of the two of us on my desk at work, and I work in an environment where most of my coworkers hold various doctorates -- so combined with the fact that I often wear a small Lambda or a tiny rainbow triangle on my lapel -- there was quicker pickup in general, but for some it took of my older colleagues a couple of years.

Now mind you, I do know effeminate homosexuals. I also know completely non-effeminate homosexuals. I know masculine heterosexuals AND masculine homosexuals. So, while you might be right to be concerned, it is more likely that he is straight, and just happens to have an expression of his feminine side, unless of course he is strictly seeking platonic friendship with you -- but you would have figured that out.

Reyn
believeinyou24@yahoo.com

2007-01-23 02:52:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

being femnine so doesnt mean queery and vice versa! Cant stress enough. I have a friend who's really sknny and dressy but have a huge appetite for ladies and he told me our high-picthed tutor isnt gay either becasue my friend sense he needs women but just dont know how to get any. So i guess this applies to ur bf. The ultimate test is to see wether he NEEDS a woman as a partner. How does that work i dont fully comprehend.

2007-01-23 02:53:19 · answer #4 · answered by Michbittelieben 2 · 0 0

If you come home from work one day and your 39 year-old, never married, femme-fatale of a BF is repenting his sins with your pool boy..you'll know he's gay.

2007-01-23 03:06:18 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

I just think he sounds sensitive. I have a friend who prefers woman and he's that way. He's also not gay. So I don't think your boyfriend is gay just b/c he's a little sensitive.

2007-01-23 03:13:01 · answer #6 · answered by missgigglebunny 7 · 0 0

I think there are some men who are just feminine...I even have to check my stereotyping at the door, but unless he is sexually attracted to men, he isn't gay. Just ask him...

2007-01-23 03:53:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!!

From now on I'm telling all these girls who ask if their boyfriend is gay, YES he is!

Come on, if you don't know if he's gay, then I really gotta wonder just how "into you" he really is.
HOW HARD IS THIS? Really.

2007-01-23 03:14:26 · answer #8 · answered by DEATH 7 · 0 0

Tell him you are a man. If he says: "Thank GOD!", then he is gay. If he stands up, and rans away sreaming, he is straight. Problem solved.

2007-01-23 02:40:48 · answer #9 · answered by JC 301186 3 · 1 0

have a man to kiss him if he slaps him he isnt gay but if he kisses him back hes gay

2007-01-23 02:53:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

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