want to understand the situations?
2007-01-23 02:27:11 · 9 answers · asked by greg b 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It's been said that before an abuser gets in your bed, he's in your head.
Abusers case out their girlfriends. They find a weak point, and they magnify it. Where a good partner would find your best qualities and bring them out of you, a bad one finds your worst.
Abusers like to have power over their SO's and will do whatever necessary to keep that. They don't want a life partner- they want a slave that wll do as they say. They will find someone and talk to them- find their weakness and then consistantly remind them of that weakness and break them before the physical abuse ever starts.
They start out on their best behavior and gradually backslide into bad and the person they abuse winds up feeling like they can't do any better, they're stuck, and maybe someday things will be good like they were in the beginning.
2007-01-23 02:33:36 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer F 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
People stay because of Hope. There's always hope that ONE day...it will be the way it was in the beginning. The only problem with that is, the person the abuser was in the beginning...wasn't who they were. That was there front. Anyone can front for a little while. When the pressure hits them (When you make them angry) that's when you find out what someone is made of. You could be a Holy Roller...but put the pressure on them. If they stay true and Praise God during pain or hard times...that's real. If they curse you out and flip....it's a front. Same with abusers....in the beginning there's no pressure, no anger, no jealousy. When that has an opportunity to poke it's head in your relationship THEN you find out what someone is made of. When someone hits or verbally lashes, they already knew that they would if faced with that situation. It's not a surprise to them, only you.
Why do people stay...Hope that ONE day it will be like the beginning. When in actuality, the beginning was a lie. Sorry.
2007-01-23 11:02:59 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
because it's often the case that physical abuse escalates when a person tries to leave. someone in an abusive relationship is more likely to be killed after trying to leave than at any other time
also, many abusers aren't horrible 100% of the time. the abuse cycle is characterized by "acute battering incidents" AND "honeymoon phases" -- the person being abused often becomes desperate for the "honeymoon phase" to start again and may believe that the partner is his or her real self during that phase. many people who are abused also feel like it's their fault and if they can just change that everything will stop
2007-01-23 11:10:39 · answer #3 · answered by jdphd 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i was in an abusive relationship, i stayed because, i was told that it was my fault, i needed to do this or that because he would not hit me if i would say or do what he wanted, after a while you have no self esteem, you feel like it is somethng about you that is wrong. and as it gets worse the threats to your safety get worse. i was told he would kill me if i ever left. i believed it because of the things he had done to me. but when you are in the relationship you feel responsible. they often threaten suiside. you feel guilty. also they have the ability to be so sweet and loving after they abuse. they cry and carry on, you believe it because you have heard it over and over and over. you tend to not eat and not sleep because you don't know when they will go off again or what you will do to set them off. i think this effects your ability to mentally function, you can't see things that are right in front of you, lastly i think that you feel like you will never get out alive so it is better to try to stay. i left after a year of it and i have never looked back. i lived in fear for the first year, wondering when he was going to find me. but as i got stronger i realized that everything he did to me was wrong and i got through it. this is my short version but in a nut shell, through a long process they convince you that you deserve to be treated this way and that no one will ever love you because you are not good enough to be loved by any one but them.
2007-01-23 11:28:45 · answer #4 · answered by cvgm702 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the big problem is that they've been abused for so long that they think that if they were to leave they would be in even more harm. I often wonder about that too, but than again you have to put yourself in their situation it might be easy to think about it, but really it isn't.
2007-01-23 10:58:44 · answer #5 · answered by Miah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
usually because they have been in such emotional torture for so many years they still believe the person giving the abuse will change ! Habit ! It's all they know and some even are brainwashed into thinking it's their own fault !
2007-01-23 10:32:55 · answer #6 · answered by Red5 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
An abuser takes control of the abusee. They break them down and make them think they deserve it. They make them afraid to leave by threatening them.
2007-01-23 10:57:28 · answer #7 · answered by kc 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Emotional co dependency.
2007-01-23 10:36:01 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
loves is blind
2007-01-23 10:34:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋