Can my Ex Wife change our child support agreement?

Question

I just recieved a letter from the Department of Child Support for the State of Tennessee. My ex wife contacted them in an effort to get them to start taking child support straight out of my check. Here's the kicker: I am laid off right now and really don't have much income other than lay off insurance. I have tried to work with her by paying half of the normal amount and then watching my daughter when she gets off school thus eliminating the need for a child sitter. I am really trying to do the right thing here.

I am not behind on ANY PAYMENTS at all. I figured to do something like this and get the government involved, that there would have to at least be some negligence on my part. I am a good father and I love my daughter. I have helped her mom in a lot of ways that I could have refused and then she did this to me.

Do I not have SOME say so on this issue?

If so, then how can I guard against this in the future?

What can I expect to happen next?

Please Help, James

Well, I talked to my ex-wife the other night and in the discussion about the previous question, I determined that this was all a ploy to get me to agree to the following:

1. Agree to let her take my daughter back to Georgia where her and her husband have a house that they can't sell because it is surrounded by trashy neighbors.

2. Agree to only see my daughter 1 weekend a month instead of the court ordered 2x per month.

3. She wanted me to drive all the way to Georgia and pick my daughter up and then trust that she would come to my house and pick her up.

Now, if you are like me, you ask, "Whats in it for me?". Well, I surmised that I had nothing to lose, so I called her bluff. I basically told her she can get any state board on me she wants and I will fillet her in court.

I have done nothing wrong!!

What can they do except say "You're a bad boy!".

This did teach me 1 thing. The gloves are off when I deal with her from now on. No Deals, No Favors. Just the facts, Maam!!!!

Answer 1

Nope...you don't have to be negligent in any way for the government (child support agency) to get involved. All she has to do is initiate it to get the ball rolling. It may not seem like it to you right now, but having a case filed the right way protects both of you anyway.

I commend you for trying to do the right thing. I don't know what her situation is as far as money...but if she is the custodial parent then is it most likely that SHE has to make many sacrifices and get things done regardless of what her income is or what you give her for support. She's got to make it work no matter what.

You can't tell a child that you can't feed them for 6 months or put a roof over their head or clothes on their backs because you have not received any child support.

If she seems financially stable for now and could stand to wait for a few months until you get back on your feet, I would think she would try to work with you a little here though just for the sake of being nice. It's not as though you've been an absentee parent.

Either way though, child support owed is child support owed.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Well, not really. She is just looking out for the child. Something legal needs to be set up to make sure that the child gets what is due her. If it go through the government, a percentage of the child support will be taken out of your lay off pay. Nothing you can do by it. I do commend you for not being behind and taking care of the child. Because sitters do cost a lot. But there are other things that children need other than sitters. Don't look at it as something bad being done to you. Look at it as something good (protection) for your daughter.

Answer 3

if u are doing all these things to help out big question why would your ex put child support on u not saying that what u are saying is not true but I'm a mother and had to put child support on her father and he was giving me money but guess what it was when he wanted to anyway bask to the point there's always two sides to a story.and for u write a modification letter stating that your child support exceeds the amount of your lining expenses and u don't make or have a job and see if u can get it reduced and i know here in Missouri if u try to get assistance like food stamps or Medicaid for the kids they automatically go for child support from the non custodial parent so talk o your ex because she probably didn't have a choice

Answer 4

There is nothing you can do about what your ex is doing. She is simply following through on an agreement that you both reached when you filed for custody. You agreed to pay the child support and she agreed to custodial custody. The courts are intervening because of your lack of payments. You admit to being laid off and your checks are half of the normal rate. The only thing you can do is contact the court and notify them of your current situation. By law you should have done this when you were first laid off. They will either make exceptions for a certain period of time or they will make you uphold your custody agreement. Either way, you need to notify them of your circumstances.

Answer 5

Dude, the courts let women go down to the court house and plead their case and they go along with it. It's just a fact that men are going to get the short end of the stick and you have very little if ANY say in the matter. Just be sure and document everything as far as the days you watch her and what the $ savings will be. And if she went to court to have it taken straight out of your check then if that amount is not met every month then what you don't pay of that amount each month will add up.

Answer 6

Yes your ex can change the agreement. However, I wouldn't be surprised if Child Support Enforcement didn't initiate this on their own. Where I am from Child Support initiated most of the court appearances for my spouse. It seemed like every 2 years they wanted to check on his income and adjust the child support payments my spouse's ex would receive. Not to mention his ex was getting some type of financial aid from the state so they wanted to make sure he was contributing his part. Dealing with Child Support is a pain. It's like being on probation, they must always know where you live, where you work and how much money you make. Your finances are no longer private. They somewhat make you feel like a criminal, like a dead beat dad who don't care about his kids. It really disturbed me to see how my spouse was treated by child support. Sure he made his weekly payments but she lives in a different state than us so he never seen his children. We called child support inquiring on how he can see his children and they told us to get a lawyer. Pretty pathetic if you ask me. They don't care about the good intentions of the father or him seeing his children for the matter. All they care about is the mother getting her money so welfare or some other orginization don't have to pay for the family. They say they care about the children's well being, but after 14 years of dealing with them I've yet to see it. So sad it boils down to money. They could care less if you're a good father. If I were you I would do my best to get along with your ex as she can make this alot harder on you if she chooses. Also, start a folder for all of your child support papers as their will be plenty enough to overwhelm you. Keep everything in order and keep track of everything as it will greatly reduce frustration in the future. Try to keep your head up. Good Luck & God Bless!

Answer 7

Talk to a lawyer since each state's laws differ. But, in Oklahoma I know the state can put a lein or levy on wages for child support or taxes. It's usually only done when someone fails to pay or has back taxes, which doesn't sound like you. If you're drawing unemployment, they may be able to garnish the amount of child support owed without your consent, but I would certainly talk to a lawyer and clarify your rights. Best of luck.

Answer 8

If it's like Iowa's Child Support program, then you can probably expect there to be a child support hearing in front of a judge or magistrate. You can try to negotiate the amount, and point out that you are currently laid off, but since she is the one the child actually LIVES with, the judge will probably side with her and go ahead and order the amount to come out of your check.

Answer 9

Boy this is a tuff one. Search the marriage records of the county she is residing in. Is your child old enough to go to school? You can check school records. Or, go to your local District Attorney's Family Support division and let them know that you can't forward child support because she has deliberately hidden from you. Ask them for a court date so that you can get a contempt of court case against her for not abiding by the custody order. They will issue a warrant and through the warrant process they will find her current last name. Marriage records are public records you know. Your county court clerk should be able to help you search for her. Red

Answer 10

if TN is anything like MO when it comes to child support. you can request a hearing. in MO they are done by a 3-way phone call. explain to the investigator that you are currently unemployed and that you have been paying half payments as well as babysitting your daughter. you are doing so much more than many fathers in your situation. my hat is off to you. if you are honest with the child supprt system they usually will cut you some sort of break til you can get back on your feet.

Good Luck