What's the REAL reason why men look at porn. Is it because their needs are not being met by their wife? I doubt it. Some women are eager to have sex with their husbands, but they would rather watch porn. Further, men that watch porn often are having their needs met by their wife and often watch with their wife.
So, what is the need to watch pornography?
I believe the need to watch porn is not because a wife is not fulfilling a need, the need spurns from the desire to be with other people. It's an alternative to having intercourse with other women. Men that watch porn want to have sex with other women other than their wife. Period. Then why watch? I am curious-- do men that cheat on their wives watch porn as well? Probably not because their is no need for porn if you are screwing two women at the same time.
I know I'll catch a lot of flak on this one. I'm man enough to admit to my wife, I wanna have sex with other women. But at least I don't hide behind porn and justify watching.
2007-01-23 02:23:28 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes, porn is a form of infidelity, and every man will finally admit it once you properly define fidelity as a HEART issue rather than simply a physical act.
Lust begins in the heart, not in the penis. The wedding vow is to remain true to another, and lusting after someone who isn't my partner is a very real form violation of that vow.
Now, that being said, there is a distinct difference between lust and adultery. But it is also true that getting into porn is a very quick and easy way down that slippery slope that ends in adultery.
Men and women will claim "I don't mind that my partner lusts after others as long as they don't act on it." Right. Consider this - wouldn't those same men and women be much more thrilled if their partners ONLY had sexual desires for THEM, and DIDN'T lust after others? Wouldn't that bond their hearts that much closer together? And then consider what knowledge that your partner lusts after others does to trust, to self-image, to intimacy (REAL intimacy, not just physical intimacy), etc.
Very good question. Best to you.
2007-01-23 02:33:27 · answer #1 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 4⤊ 2⤋
First of all, I have a few problems with your wording. I don't "need" porn -- nobody does. Nobody would die if it ceased to exist. Furthermore, nobody would die if all sex stopped completely. Sex is not a need. It is a drive, however, stronger in some, weaker in others, non-existent in a minority too large to be ignored. It would be more accurate to ask, "So, what is the desire to watch pornography?"
That said, pay attention now, because I am about to make a statement that many people find incomprehensible: I both want to have sex with women other than my wife, AND I want not to do so. Every day, whether in real life, on TV, or in the movies, I see attractive women and experience an involuntary emotional reaction called lust. Every day, however, I do not act on my lust to try to get those women to have sex with me. I made a vow to be faithful to my wife, and I both take that vow seriously and understand the importance of the institution of marriage and the importance of fidelity within it.
"Your wife should be enough for you; you shouldn't want sex with other women." I don't want sex with other women. "But you just said that you do." I said I both do and do not. Accept and understand all of that sentence, not just one part of it, or you cannot understand my point of view.
So where does porn relate to this? Porn arouses the sensation of lust I described when seeing attractive women. And that's it. It's like masturbating to the mental image of the checkout girl at the MacDonald's today, but better by being more visually stimulating, more varied, and more sexualized.
Many of the females here might then assert, "You shouldn't need a fantasy girl in your mind when you're having sex with your wife." To that I can rightfully respond that, no, I don't need it. So why do I occasionally fantasize about others? Remember that part where I said I do want to have sex with women other than my wife? You can "should" all you want all over what other people do, but it doesn't change the fact that I do feel lust. If I felt no lust, I wouldn't have married at all, probably. And telling me that I "should" stop feeling lust for women other than my wife may make sense to you, but it does not, can not, change the reality of my involuntary emotional response.
2007-01-23 03:22:32 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey I see nothing wrong with watching it..just a movie to me..a lot of movies have sex scenes almost as bad a porn movie..but I agree I would rather my man do that then mess with another chick.. hell I will even watch it with him. But you can get creative on our own without videos! We don't really watch porn or even own any at our home! But on the real you need to communicate with your wife better instead of running out on the streets thinking it will get better...you might down grade while doing so and catch something from these nasty women out here opening their legs for every man..( WHAT LOOKS GOOD IS NOT ALWAYS GOOD FOR YOU)LOL..Again I don't mind watching it once in a while but it is not a priority ! Yes you told your wife that you wanted to sleep with other women but why be married if you want to still play in the field. You might as well be single! So you can do your thing with no drama...no woman wants to share their man!LOL..I know I don't! On the serious note you should concentrate on home with your wife and get creative either from the porns you watch or actually think on your own to keep things hot at home instead of going out on the street messing with other women! By doing that you are giving up on your marriage basically. Just a suggestion! Unless your wife wants to sleep with other men too..and you don't mind her doing the same thing... again what is the point of being married if you want to sleep with other people! Hmmm...
2007-01-23 02:35:46 · answer #3 · answered by Mia-Mia 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
IMHO men are more visually stimulated than women. Women get turned on by touching and massage etc etc but men like to see women dressed in outfits and see them doing things to themselves.
Porn is a part of the visual stimuli which is why men like to watch it with their woman, they can imagine the porn queen as their wife and some lucky guys get their woman to re-enact it with them. It is not a bad thing.
People have too many hang ups about men and porn. As long as it isn't a replacement for intimacy with their wives/gfs or whatever then what does it matter - really?
2007-01-23 02:30:39 · answer #4 · answered by Bagpuss 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
To me the reason that men watch porn is because they feel that they need something different than what they are used to with their wives, or they want their wives to do stuff they see in the pornos. If the later is the case it can cause alot of trust issues with women because they feel that their husbands are trying to make them be something that they are not. Which is very wrong in my opinion to try and make someone be something they are not.
2007-01-23 02:29:00 · answer #5 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
OK, let's take it from the top one more time.
"Porn" as you call it is erotica. Learn the word. Actually, I tend to think of "porn" as lower quality erotica.
Erotica has been around since the Greeks and Romans. It can be sculpture, painting, photos, videos, verbal only (phone sex, recordings) or written (stories, novels).
Now, both men AND women enjoy erotica. In general, men may be more visual than women. I say MAY be.
My wife enjoys visual images, too, and has her own preferences, as I have mine.
Viewing erotica (and masturbating, I would assume) has no direct, logical or emotional connection to "being with other people." Do I have to repeat that?
It is merely an additional, alternate form of sexual arousal.
There are men in this world that are totally threatened by women's sex toys (vibrators, dildos, etc.), feeling that a woman (their wife, gf) should receive pleasure only from THEM. That is just pathetic. They have some serious self-image/penis issues to deal with.
There are women in this world that are totally threatened by men viewing erotica, believing that their only arousal/satisfaction should come from their vagina/mouth/hand. They are equally pathetic.
And then, there are couples such as ourselves (many of them) that enjoy a mature, fully-developed sex life.
We both masturbated before we met. When we dated and got married, we had sex like rabbits in heat, but we still enjoyed solosex.
Within a year, we discovered the liberation and joy of acknowledging our full needs; that solosex was not "inferior" to PIV (penis-in-vagina) sex or any other kind.
Each kind of sexual arousal and satisfaction is unique and we wanted our full share of each.
There was no denying the fact that we had as rich and satisfying a sex life as ANY of our other friends, single or married.
Now....36 years later, many of those married couples are divorced, and we're still doing it like rabbits; not as many times a week, but still doing it and it's still hot as hell.
So no, I do not agree with your hypothesis that "porn" is related to having sex with other people, and we don't "hide behind it."
I rest my case.
2007-01-23 02:53:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I myself don't like my man watching porn, it is degrading, and yes i tryed watching it before, they just look so cheap and fake in all they do on it. Why watch something you can't have? And also i think i am woman enough for my man, so he dosen't need to watch something like that. And i go and do everything with him and i know for a fact he dosen't watch it. That is why we have such a great sex life, no need to bring others in a great sex life,real people or not real.
2007-01-23 02:34:10 · answer #7 · answered by sweetemtation_123 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
in this imperfect world we live in there's a lot of temptations if u watch porn and u know that u want to be with other women what do u think is going to happen next ,your probably going to act on your desire.you had the balls to tell your wife that u desire to be with other women that's not good i think u need to do some evaluating of your marriage and take your vowels into consideration along with your wife feelings.i know i wouldn't want my husband telling me that he desires to be with other women please be careful what u say how would u feel if she told u she desired to be with other men u probably wouldn't like it.u really need god in your life
2007-01-23 02:33:52 · answer #8 · answered by lilsis2576 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
watching others have sex is not bad. In nature we would be doing it all the time. Elephants have sex as part of a social event, with grandmothers and kids and all looking on. It's just that our religeons in the past shed a negative light on sex and people felt the need to hide it, and that still carries over to this day.
2007-01-23 02:30:00 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband watches porn, chats in sex rooms and he says it's how he is "wired". We have done the swingers thing and he still had an affair...it's infidelity in my eyes. Wanting the entire buffet when you have it pretty damn gourmet right in front of your eyes.
2007-01-23 02:53:26 · answer #10 · answered by Sassy Pants 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋