My boyfriend opens up more when I'm not looking at him...why?
2007-01-23 01:06:49 · 6 answers · asked by torn 3 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Aside from your bf's personal preferences, if you examine "gender communication" you'll notice a pattern:
When two women get together, they tend to interact with each other face towards face, making lots of eye contact, while men tend to spend time doing things alongside each other without making that "face to face" contact.
It's very common for two guys to sit next to each other, on a bench, or in a car, or on a sofa in the front of the TV, and just talk without ever really looking at each other. They usually feel more comfortable that way, because otherwise the conversation gets too personal. Men also tend to be better "doing things" together and talking as they work or play, whereas women are much more capable and comfortable actually just sitting and talking and looking at each other, without having to do something as the main focus of the get-together.
Maybe those are some things you could try -- communicating with him when you're doing an activity, rather than forcing him to sit and do nothing but look at you and share. Some men also do feel "put on the spot" as if they are being interrogated, if you sit there and look right at them and do nothing but talk. They don't know what to do or say, and they're not in touch with that aspect of themselves; they feel very anxious and inadequate and have no clue what to do. Again, putting them in a situation where they feel competent (an activity, sometimes) or that they enjoy, then talking to them there, will get a better response.
Note: It doesn't mean never talk to them one on one, facing each other, such as over a restaurant table on a nice date. It just means you should not make such experiences the central part of your relationship or base your opinion of the relationship on your bf's ability to communicate in those settings.
(Meanwhile, accept that you do have something special with your female friends, in that you can sit down and interact in such a close and personal manner.)
2007-01-23 02:02:45 · answer #1 · answered by Jennywocky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your boyfriend might communicate better with you without eye contact because he feels more freely talking to you without you seeing his eyes, and looking at your reactions. Just like you go to a priest and hide behind a window and you tell him all your sins, and because he doesn't know you or you see his reactions a person will spill it all out.
Even thought it would be better for him to look at you in your eyes while he is communicating to you, I would let it be. The main thing is that he is communicating rather than not. I am sure with time he will change. But leave it alone for now, at least he is talking to you. Good luck.
2007-01-23 01:29:21 · answer #2 · answered by Boricua Born 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am that way and here is why. I can talk to people better without looking straight at them because when they look directly at me I start thinking......why are they staring at me? I know eye contact is good, but it makes me lose concentration. It takes away more from the facts......and feelings if you think you are being "studied". Then you start to try to make sure that your reaction is what they expect and your body language interprets what you are trying to say. As a salesman I have had to program myself to look at people and it took awhile to get comfortable with that. He is just not polished in social/business situations, it has nothing to do with you!
2007-01-23 01:17:50 · answer #3 · answered by gin and juice 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it puts him off his trail of thought when you're looking at him
2007-01-23 01:09:45 · answer #4 · answered by epbr123 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
because he can be lying to you....you know the eyes are the window to the soul....
2007-01-23 01:11:50 · answer #5 · answered by Cotton C 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
its easy for them to speak !
2007-01-23 01:14:14 · answer #6 · answered by Dr.Kn0w iT™ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋