At Xmas, we were burgled and lost everything. I told this friend what had happened & all she did was go on about a bloke she knew and how he'd found the love of his life! She did say hope everything goes well for me. A few days later, she left me a message on my mobile to say, "I've not had one Xmas card from the temp agencies and haven't been invited to their Xmas parties". There was no mention about my suffering, she never asked anything about my burglary, how I'm managing, if I need anything etc. The latest is she emailed me to say, “I left you alone as I felt that is what you needed. We all make mistakes you know.” and then went on to talk about her own issues again. Do you think she really is caring? I would have thought that if she was a good friend, she’d have been more on the scene.
2007-01-23 00:09:35 · 22 answers · asked by Say It Like You Mean It 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
i dont think she cared about your burglary at all..i mean a real friend would want to listen to your problem and make you feel better
2007-01-23 00:13:52 · answer #1 · answered by I love when emo boys make out 2 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I just ended a friendship with a "friend" like this. Your friend is self-centered, and it's doubtful she will ever change. As difficult as it may be, end the relationship. You deserve a friend who will show you the care and compassion you deserve. In the end, maintaining such a relationship will only wear you out. Remember that friendship is a two-way street -- you need give and take from both parties. It sounds as though you're the one doing all the giving in this relationship. A real friend should be able to put aside their small, petty issues when a friend has a real problem like a death in the family (as in my case) or a burglary. If she can't manage to do this when you really, really need her, she is too narcissistic to be a true friend.
2007-01-23 08:53:03 · answer #2 · answered by jujsky 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Define the word friend - ask 10 people and they will all come up with different answers as a definition. One cannot say whether she is a good friend or not - only you can decide that as an individual. Your friend sounds like she has a lot on her mind at the moment and maybe she feels you are a great friend just to listen to her. You have a lot on your mind too but maybe your friend is thinking about you and your plight but just not been able to communicate verbally yet. People think more than speak sometimes and sometimes we tend to just take verbal communication as face value when perhaps we shouldn't.
2007-01-23 08:29:23 · answer #3 · answered by See it as 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may not be that she is "uncaring", but she may not know exactly what to say to you or how to say it.
This is part of what makes people different, some people can give you good advise on things & lend a shoulder when you need to cry, and some people aren't very "emotional" and tend to keep their feelings hidden and so this is how they deal with others when they have problems. She may feel YOU want to keep it hidden & not talk about it. Like she said in her email "she felt this is what you needed".
Why not find someone who is a little more sympathetic and talk with them about your problems.
But don't blame your friend, this is just her "personality", I'm sure theres many other wonderful things you like about her.
Wish you the best!
2007-01-23 08:19:31 · answer #4 · answered by Mommy of 3 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Hmm... sounds like your friend is very self centred, imagine if she'd been the one to get burgled?? Everyone would know about!! And after being burgled, being left alone by your friends is the last thing you'd want, you feel vunerable & unsafe after your home has been intruded upon. I've got a friend v.similar & I've noticed when I tell her something of importance to me, it goes in one ear out the other.....
Yet she get's very animated & happy when she can relate something to herself. (usually doesn't relate to what I've said at all !!). But anyway just surround yourself with friend's who do care about you. She'll be the one on her own.
2007-01-23 08:55:21 · answer #5 · answered by pinkydixie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you're absolutely right. She has no idea what it's like to be burgled and therefore can not offer any sincere sympathy. Her own problems seem to be far more important than offering any condolence to you. OK, she's found a boyfriend. woohoo! Be happy for her. My advice would be to forgive but not forget. I'm sure she'll need reminding of her behaviour in time. I hope you remind her when she needs you and hopefully she'll learn a good lesson from it.
2007-01-23 08:27:23 · answer #6 · answered by Fragile Rock 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
nope - she is not caring in the least! by your own description of her, she sounds extremely self-absorbed! you need to change your circle of influence as she does not take your feelings into account at all. hey, I'm sorry for what you had to go through and I really hope that things change for the better for you! don't let this 'friend' get you down hon, chin up and keep smilin'. there are tons of people out there that actually do care, and you will find someone to help you along the way! good luck :)
2007-01-23 08:20:02 · answer #7 · answered by Bite Me 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
people like this only care about themselves just do the same back to her ignore her worries what comes around goes around as i say. if you need support after being burgled try the victims support unit they offer to talk and come round and give you advice on how to keep safe hope you feel better about the situation soon and good luck
2007-01-23 08:17:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try not to be too hard on her, we all have our own circumstances in life. Sometimes we all become too wrapped up in our own lives even if our problems are nothing compared to what's going on with our friends, and I think she genuinely figured that you would need time to sort out the after-effects of your recent burgulary, i.e contacting insurance company, police etc and decided to give you some time and space to do that. Yes, it was a bit uncaring of her to keep going on about her own problems, but I think you should try and keep your friendship as you never know she may realise that she was a little selfish in her approach and you also never know when she may really be able to help you in another crisis. Its better to keep the friends you have instead of possibly turning them against you because you never know when you may need them.
2007-01-23 08:33:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She doesn't sound like she's much of a friend, but if you're not ready to give up on her, tell her how you feel and that you need her to be there for you. Maybe this will work-if not maybe it's time to call it a day with this friend.
Good luck, hope things work out.
2007-01-24 11:04:37 · answer #10 · answered by Traceylou1983 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Poopsy,
some people find it hard to deal with other peoples traumas and just don't have a clue as to what to say or do. They feel awkward because they want to say a million things and yet can't bring themselves to say anything. It's very difficult to understand, but she is probably very gutted by what happened to you. I am too and I hope everything is working out OK for you.
Marcus X
2007-01-23 08:24:06 · answer #11 · answered by The Alchemist 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋