my husband told me that he has no passion for me anymore and doesnt know why ( he said it isnt another girl). we have a son who will soon be 2. that alone is very stressful. we have been married for 5 years. He tells me that he loves me but doesnt know why he cant touch or kiss or have sex with me. its very hard for him to do these things. I'm not an ugly person, but he makes me feel that way when he wont touch me. I caught him on a websight the other day watching other woman do sexual things and all he could say to me was "its good entertainment". But yet i was sitting right next to him at the time, why didnt he choose me? Last night I suprised him and wore lingerie because i thought that may make things exciting and he couldnt even get an erection. I feel like such a fool and do not know what to do from here! help! is this the beginning of the end of our marriage? I dont thing its very fair to live like i'm a roomate and not a wife. I love my husband so much and want this to work.
2007-01-22 23:43:05 · 19 answers · asked by iron sludge 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Counseling.
2007-01-22 23:47:24 · answer #1 · answered by just browsin 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Try getting a sitter and spending a weekend or a week getting to know each other again. Watch the sights together and maybe fool around while doing that. Little people are so stressful on a relationship that it's a wonder second children are ever born. If you feel like you are only "not ugly" work on you too. Change your style a bit and be a little hard to get. Take a class so you'll have something besides the house and child to talk about. Above all don't let his rejection make you think you are not a great sexy wonderful woman.
2007-01-22 23:58:52 · answer #2 · answered by Laura B 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Miss, I'm sorry that you must go thru this however I do believe that it isn't another girl, its something far worse (well almost just as bad)...... Internet PORN! The more you see the more your mind gets corrupted the harder it is to face reality. "Good entertainment"?? Yea right! Believe me if you check the history on your computer you will see a lot of adult sites have been visited and for a long period of time.. I think he is probably just sucked away from reality. Now its 2 things you can do, The first one which I recommend is talking to him and telling him to cut down on the adult sites be a husband and provide the mental and physical support you are entitled to being his wife. And second you can leave him alone to live his life of late night Internet chats and extremely high credit card bills only to realize later that all of it was fake and he lost the 2 best things that could have happen to him. You can only do so much because if you don't get the love from him you may end up getting it from somewhere else.. But good luck and I wish you the best!!!!!!!!!!
2007-01-22 23:54:59 · answer #3 · answered by gottheanswer 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
So here is my question, was he in the delivery room for the birth?
If the answer is yes look at that for a possible explanation.
It is SO difficult to view your wife as a sexual being after that.
There is no magical glow for a guy it is much more like watching your dog have puppies only a lot more stressful. There is nothing which can put you off thinking sexually then an seeing your wife torn and cut apart for birthing. Then you cannot get close for months.
You may need to do some retraining here.
Just a thought.
2007-01-22 23:59:17 · answer #4 · answered by Flagger 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Agree on internet porn affecting, aalthough telling him to stop wont work. He is in a fantasie world and it is always there with no physical effort - just organ stimulation. I agree that some people might be affected by watching birth. Another aspect could be sleeping in the same bed every night and constant closeness. Try sleeping seperately so the bodily contact is something special not a routine. With a child you don't have as much time as your husband. Get him busy, share chores, that might make hm realize the stress you are in. Go places together away from computer. CAmping in summer, skiing
2007-01-23 00:15:16 · answer #5 · answered by illocution 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Did he get aroused watching the girls on the website? If so,sit down with yourself and think about what first attracted him to you. Bring that woman back. Often as time goes on we lose ourselves in everyday life, ( children/marriage/ work) we get into a routine and stay there. Spice things up, change the routine. If your parents a sibling or a close friend are handy get one of them to take your baby for the weekend. Change your hair,clothes, bedroom manner. Act out "his" fantasies. A sexy nighty alone will not do it for him, he needs the whole 9 yards. If you noticed he had no (erection) while watching these videos maybe the problem is his and he's to embarrassed to admit it. My mother told me a woman has to be many things in life. A lady in public, a wife to her husband, (someone who is there for him no matter what), a Mother to his children, and a whore in bed. Sounds harsh but it worked. Ask him if there's something new he would like to try, (keep an open mind). Lace the house with flower peddles, candles, server yourself to him as dinner, whatever it takes. If he's the type to shower as soon as he gets home join him. But be wild and open. Don't be his wife be his lover/Mistress. The woman he would NEVER take home to meet his Mother. Most important, never let yourself go. Fix your hair and put on some make-up and something a little tight fitting/short whatever, before he comes home. Don't let him come home to a woman ragged form taking care of a baby all day. It wont be easy but it CAN be done. Put your baby in the crib if he/she wants to fuss while you get ready to great your HUSBAND so be it. Get up early fix yourself(hair, lipstick) to send him on his way for the day. Make him think about you and only you till he cant wait to get home. My husband came home for lunch and returnd with a sandwich in his hand. (He didn't have time to eat for the hour he was home) wink wink. You can do it. Good Luck
And try renting a video for the two of you to watch as a couple. Do what they do. Be his fantasy lover. :) And when wearing a short skirt, forget the underwear, wear a sheer blouse (no bra). Bend over him, in front of him get all over him. If he still rejects you, he may have a problem the two of you need to address together. look on the internet for couple roll playing fantasy.....
2007-01-23 00:26:18 · answer #6 · answered by whateverhohum 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You both need to go to marriage counseling.
He needs to take viagra.
No, you're not his room mate, you're his wife. And if this question/situation were reversed and being asked by a man, other men would get on here and say "She has wifely duties!" Well, guess what? HE has husbandly duties!!!
Also, it's a HUGE slap in the face for him to be outright telling you he doesn't want sex/intimacy with you and then viewing online porn right in front of you. It indicates a severe lack of care and concern for your feelings which is a red flag. If he loves you, it should really bother him that he's not feeling passionate for you and he should be working on fixing that and in lieu of fixing it, he should AT LEAST be aware of your feelings and not do things to make you feel worse.
If he truly loves you, he should be willing to attend counseling with you and to have himself checked by a doctor to make sure there aren't any underlying health/physiological issues affecting him in the sexual functioning.
2007-01-22 23:52:16 · answer #7 · answered by Marvelissa 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Are you a nagging critical wife who interferes with your husband and everything he does? You show him no respect because you think he doesnt love you? He wont tell you he loves you because you dont respect him, so now you are in the crazy cycle and you want to make things better.
Get the book LOVE AND RESPECT by Dr Emerson Eggerichs and try to move out of the zone of living by feelings and emotions, by rather choosing to be confident, respectful and less critical, holding your tongue and thinking positive thoughts. he is your husband not your son. Treat him like the only man on earth you want around and forget the nastiness. its a total turn off to any man. Learn to act with dignity and integrity. Be his friend and companion. Be mature about things and less reactive. When you change, he will change. Buy the book. Its very good. It brought me to my senses.
2007-01-22 23:52:12 · answer #8 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He's been watching porn, you say. It means he wants THAT kind of twisted sex. Maybe you're not the whore type and he knows it. That's why he no longer feels passion for you. I'm not saying you should get down to that level. I'm just saying he's too rotten for you now. He's not having another girl? yeah right. If he finds porn amusing, he either is having it with someone else or contemplating the idea of having it. He's likely to cheat on you anytime. It happened to me. He always said it wasn't another girl. He was right. It wasn't JUST ONE. Sweetie, from what you tell us, you're still attractive. There's plenty of men out there that would give anything for one night with you, or to treat you right. Don't try to grasp what never was and never will be. Let him go and give yourself the chance to meet someone else. Good luck!
2007-01-23 00:13:07 · answer #9 · answered by M'lady 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
maybe he's just going threw some type of odd phase?
i'm not really sure what advice to give.. besides talking about it with him.. let him know it bothers you.. ask him if there is anything you can do help ingnite the passion..
maybe you guys need to go out on a date or something.. i imagine iwth a 2 yr old you don't have much type just the two of you.. so find a baby sitter.. and have a good night out on the town
2007-01-22 23:51:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
have heard that porn changes the way a man sees his wife, and will affect the marriage. think he is so into the porn that he is mistaking the porn for passion, and he may see u as less exciting than the girls he is looking at. as how can wives compete, with a fantasy on the internet. need some counciling but he needs to give up the porn, u just don't fit in with what he thinks is passion, he has it all messed up in his mind, has it all screwed up.
2007-01-23 02:03:00 · answer #11 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋