Do recovering abusive gamblers suffer from depression?

Question

My fiance was arrested and fired from his job one year ago. He had a gambling addiction and it cost him alot. He seemed to be handling everything very well almost too well. He now has a better job and has not gambled for almost a year however, he is irritable, has no sex drive, tired all the time and is showing a lot of signs of depression. He goes to work, he spends a lot of time online, he has joined adult sex sites, he im's and text's sexual messages to women and will not discuss his behavior. He says he loves me, he doesn't want us to split and that it is his problem and has nothing to do with me.

Answer 1

Taking away one's addiction is like stealing a kid's toy. Your fiance had or has a fundamental discontentment related to himself or his life, which caused his addiction to develop. Normally, for a gambling addiction as for any other kind of addiction, a therapy course should be followed. If he stopped this addiction because he was forced to, it's understandable why he is so frustrated and angry, because the "void" (i.e. unhappiness, or whatever he was displeased with in his life) that used to be filled by this addictive behavior, doesn't have a replacement now.
He needs to learn how to redirect those feelings towards other directions in his life, and this is where you can help. The fact that he doesn't have any routine settled yet, allows you both to help him create a modality of using this energy into positive and constructive goals. Instead of using it into self-destructive behaviors, he can do something else - depending on his preferences, life style etc., which can take care of the negative energy which overwhelms him, as well as doing "something good with his life".

His problem is most probably not related to you, although his attitude towards sex and other women should pose some serious questions about priorities, and about your relationship. Be there for him and try to help him in any way, even with therapy if possible (although I think he would refuse it), but don't allow - through that - gestures, attitudes and behaviors that can destroy or worsen your relationship, and your own self esteem and well being. It's a thin line, and you're gonna have a difficult time making the difference between helping him, and not allowing your relationship to go down the drain.

Either way, I wish you good luck and a lot of strength, I hope you overcome this problem together.

Answer 2

The depression is a normal part of abstinence in any addiction. It will pass with time as he re-learns to feel the emotions that he's been supressing with the original behavior,"gambling". If he's replaced the addiction with another, "online porn" then he's not healing at all and needs to get into counselling. Addiction of almost any kind is bad for anyone. I'd suggest that you go to a GA meeting yourself and ask one of the long timers about the difference between sober and dry. They'll be happy to help you.
Good luck baby. I hope you and your husband get the help that you need before it kills your marriage.

Answer 3

Don't marry him. I am married to a gambler. You think he is at work and he doesn't even come home some nights. He is out all night gambling. He doesn't drink or do drugs but he can't pay the mortagage or the home owners fees or any of the utility bills and we are just about to loose our house. What do you tell your two kids when you loose your house? He is a Real Estate agent too so you think he would make money? Thank god I work but I can't handle everything. Daycare cost money too. This sucks. Don't be me.

Answer 4

hi, i will comprehend what you been by by way of fact we had the comparable variety of guy. he's no longer my husband, basically a guy i like. He likes me too. He had melancholy additionally so like your fact - He is conscious he have been given melancholy yet evade to work out the docter as quickly as I ask. In his temper swings, sometime he treats me like princess.. and sometime like sh**., yet he's no longer abusive to me. comparable feeling as you at the instant are : i understand he have long undergone very difficult time in his early years and for all that i've got self assurance sorry for him and stay there for him each and every of the time and forget approximately his undesirable temper. yet each and every so often, I only giveup, i've got self assurance drained, valueless, I hate him and experience to no longer stay with him bt then i've got self assurance that i'm leaving him in nowhere. i'm under pressure out each and every of the time. I had properly-known him for a million 365 days and six months. outstanding now, he 's having yet yet another temper swings and he needs to be by myself, i do no longer understand no count if could i stay placed or circulate on? I nevertheless like him and desire to help him yet he do no longer desire settle for help. people been saying, he needs to be by myself, if he needs me, he will come back if no longer then bye bye. yet whether he comes back, the situation nevertheless stay placed. You had to ask your self, how long you are able to bear his temper swings? I had alot of staying power for the reason that's what he informed me. All his former gfs left him interior 6 months and yet i nevertheless stay placed. properly, there will be situations my staying power will run up. you are able to e mail me in case you desire to speak greater.