2007-01-22 22:18:38 · 16 answers · asked by kerry b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If he loves you why did he cheat on you,and if he has cheated,he does not love you.
2007-01-22 22:22:25 · answer #1 · answered by ANU U 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well that is the key...LOVE. If you do not love your husband anymore than you must move on. People cheat because of how another person makes them feel about themselves. There must be a serious, profound breakdown in communication, the basis of intimacy, for a person to cheat on a partner. Forgiveness and love are intrinsically bound together. You should not feel badly because you are unable to forgive him...however do not allow this event to create toxic relationships with other men in the future. I encourage you to join a support group, talk to a therapist, but most of all, and only for YOU, work towards forgiving this man. Never judge yourself for where you are, but gently, and with respect for your own heart try to move yourself in a direction where you can be free from the anger, and the unforgiving feeling. The point is you want to move on.....but you can never move on metaphorically if you are stuck in the resentment, and anger, and pain of the past...good luck!
2007-01-23 07:06:03 · answer #2 · answered by Suzanne 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you wouldn't love someone who was dishonest for three years, and he is VERY LUCKY that you are still with him. My opinions:
If you have young children, I (and this is just me), would probably wait until after they're out of the house before breaking it off if you really don't care to see his face anymore. But your children will be watching your decisions, and you probably wouldn't want to teach them that they should put up with it and be treated that way. It's an iffy one.
or...
If children aren't an issue, then what does your gut tell you to do? I know it's cliche and everyone will probably suggest it, but have you tried counseling?
I don't blame you. Unless he can bend over backwards and do absolutely everything in his will power to try to prove he's changed...but you don't have to stay with someone like that.
2007-01-23 06:28:26 · answer #3 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sometimes an affair can change the love we once felt for the person, and unfortunately there is no way to get it back. he loves u because the affair didn't work out for him. u will never trust him again so if there is no chance to get over it, do him and yourself a favor and end it.
2007-01-23 10:40:36 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling, counseling, counseling! You may divorce him, or you may be able to forgive him and work through it, but it will require a safe place to vent your perfectly legitimate feelings of betrayal, confusion, and pain.
Is the affair over and done with? Is your husband now a "model citizen"? Is he consistent and loyal and faithful NOW? Then the issue is with you...And regardless of what you decide to do about it, you'll be stuck with the consequences of any of YOUR decisions, so please get some help before making any sudden moves.
I wish you the best of luck...
2007-01-23 06:24:36 · answer #5 · answered by Julia A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seek help and counseling for you and for your marriage... If your husband wants to work on the marriage then at least try and give it a shot... If he does not change and continues to have affairs then you need to move on with your life and divorce him but if this was a one time thing i would try to work on the marriage before letting go.
http://www.marriagetoday.org
http://www.drphil.com
2007-01-23 06:23:06 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What happened to you is very real and devastating to say the least. You have lost your respect for your husband. You imagine him and his lover in bed and your mind reaps havoc with your soul. My husband did the same to me only her ran off with his floozy and worse still discovered that he was not the only man in her life, but there were 5 others. She thought herself to be very clever, telling all her admirers that she loves men. She was nothing better than a whore. In biblical days they would have stoned her.
Instinctively men do look and admire other women but its when the thoughts turn into fantasies that p[roblems creep in. Of course he is in love with you. He was merely in LUST with her and nothing more. She wanted more but he was already in love, hence he returned to you. Biblically this is the only time where God permits divorce. He allows it because of the hardness of mans heart.
If you love him and want to improve your marriage, you need to include God in your entire life. God will make things better. he is the restorer of the breach. God restored us even after we were divorced and things could never be better. When God restores He does it the right way. Humans cant do justice to how God operates, hence all the more reason to place your trust in God, place your family, possessions, feelings and emotions, everything including the burdens you carry in Gods lap and then to take your hands off it and wait. You can pray and praise God and thanki him in advance for the changes he will bring about in your home. The question is do you want this. It wont happen at once, but it will happen, but it requires commitment and dedication from you and a serious change of heart. WHen you change, he will change. There is a scripture that tells women to respect their husbands unconditionally regardless of the circumstances they might find themselves in. The wives are to set the example quietly saying nothing at all, just trusting God to do the rest. It will require patience perserverence. endurance etc. but its worth the fight. This is what is meant by swimming upstream. You are not going with the flow but against it and standing up for what is right by your actions. Not only will you be a stronger person, but you will gain confidence and joy and happiness will follow.
There is a terrific book written called LOVE AND RESPECT by DR EMERSON EGGERICHS. Dr Eggerichs runs courses on this book in the state of Michigan. THe successes from both his book and his courses have been astronomical. This very book changed me and my husband also began to change.
ANother helpful book is written by John Eldredge called WILD AT HEART. It is written for men andfor the woman it is a great book to understand just how men tick and why things like what happened to you happen.
For you I suggest also THE CONFIDENT WOMAN by Joyce Meyer. You can download her video by that title or listen to it at www.joycemeyer.org. SHe is an incredible lady and is doing wonders for many people throughout the world. I highly recommend this.
Get all these books. They are sooooo good and helpful. God wants to heal you and restore you and return to you what the locusts have eaten. He is calling for your attention. Give it to him and listen. Read the word of God and trust no human but God. People are always going to let you down, but God is always there and will never leave you nor forsake you. Put your faith hope and trust in him and live eternally.
2007-01-23 06:45:39 · answer #7 · answered by uniquechild 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if your husband cheats on you and you don´t love him then the best thing to do is leave him as a friend because god knows we have enough enemies in life.
2007-01-23 07:33:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you don't love him and he cheated for such a long period of time, it's time for you to move on. Divorce him and find someone else. I question his love because I love my wife so much I could never cheat on her even though I've had several opportunities to do so.
2007-01-23 06:48:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your husband cheated on you for years.. then chances are, he doesnt love you like he says he does. You have every right to be unable to forgive his infidelitys. If he wasnt ready to settle down, then he shouldnt have asked you to marry him.
2007-01-23 06:23:49 · answer #10 · answered by ofxaxrevolution984 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋