my husband had a baby to someone else that he got pregnant when he was giving me space its all complicated but the just of it is he got some daft lassie pregnant and she kept the baby to try keep him but he never stayed and was back with me during her whole pregnancy and she cant except 2 years down the line that they are not the happy family she wanted and i cant stand having either of them in my life, so much so that i kicked him out last night i know its not the babies fault but having her apart of our lives is ruining our marriage and effecting our childrens lives with all trouble caused by the babies mother what can i do i dont want to give him an altimatum but i dont see what else i can do it has come down to either us or them please im at my wits end someone give me advice help me see a light at the end of all this mess
2007-01-22 20:44:02 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
forgot to to say it was me that made him start contact with this little girl if i didnt wedge my foot up his behinde access would never of happened, but now i wish i never did if i knew this was to happen i would have left things the way they were. he has noreal bond with this littel girl & shes been in our lives for 6 months as her mother would not let us in her life for the first 18 months of it
2007-01-23 03:38:59 · update #1
forgot to to say it was me that made him start contact with this little girl if i didnt wedge my foot up his behinde access would never of happened, but now i wish i never did if i knew this was to happen i would have left things the way they were. he has no real bond with this littel girl & shes been in our lives for 6 months as her mother would not let us in her life for the first 18 months of it she has been using ths child as a weapon against us
2007-01-23 03:40:19 · update #2
Well it seems to me that you are going to find it really hard to accept this baby and it's mother in your life. How badly does your husband want your marriage to work? If he does then he should tell this woman that he doesn't want to se her or the baby. Obviously he will have to pay the child maintenance but he doesnt have to see the child. Maybe he wants to see it though which is a problem. He got you into this mess so he had better fight to keep you or else you will have have to kick him out for good. An ultimatum is the only thing you can do.
2007-01-22 21:01:31 · answer #1 · answered by jaygirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im sorry to hear that you are going through such a difficult time, something very similar happened to my friend. i know what most people would say, that its her fault for getting with a married man but it really wasnt that simple he told so many lies about his other life but everyones different.
its a challenge to take on the responsibility of someone elses child but that is made even harder when that child has come from deceit. no one has the right to say what you choose is the right or wrong decision but if your husband is a decent man then the baby needs him in his or her life.
if its something in time you can do together then it will probably help bring you both closer together again. when you look at the child tho dont resent it or hate it, as although its not your fault the baby didnt ask to be brought into this world.
time is a great healer and if this happened when you were having time apart atleast you know hes faithful when your together. be open with him and tell him how you feel and let him konw he can do the same. goodluck, hope you get your ray of sunshine on a cloudy day very soon
2007-01-23 01:08:38 · answer #2 · answered by mand 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't need to "educate" her as if she is a dog!!! first of all, your current situation must me the consequence of something... what has been happening between you two?? haven't you tried to consider that she must be even less satisfied than you are?? you are thinking just about "fingering" and stuff like that when maybe the source of the problem is communication?, empathy? and understanding??? anything else Beyond the mere sexual act? And don't even try to take this situation as an excuse and cheat on your wife now!! That would very selfish and even immature for a man of your age... Try to listen what she has to say and DON'T JUDGE her of having traditional thoughts... im sure there's a lot to save in in your marriage, even more after 22 years!!!!! Good luck and sorry If I spoke strongly but men sometimes are so thoughtless....
2016-03-14 22:34:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey I feel for you, it is a difficult situation to be in. Unfortunately the baby is always going to be in your husbands life, but maybe there is a way that it can be done. If you truly want to be with your husband and he wants to be with you then its worth sitting down and trying to work this out. The mother of this baby should not be allowed to come anywhere near your house. This is your home and if you do not feel safe and secure in your own home it will not work. Perhaps your husband could take the baby out when he sees it, so that you are not involved or hurt in any way. If you tell your husband its me or the baby who can he choose maybe marriage guidance would help. I wish you all the best and hope you find happiness in a troubled world take care x
2007-01-22 21:11:23 · answer #4 · answered by pringles 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You clearly love your husband and do not want to end the relationship. It is a messy situation that you are paying the price for. Your husband must feel caught in the middle (and possibly rightly so). However, he has stood by this girl's decision to keep and raise the child and if you are to stay together you will have learn to accept that or you will push him away. If he wanted to be with her he would be and you should remember that he wants to be with you. His child is his responsibility and you must respect him for honoring his duty to his child. If i can give any advice it would be to try to bite your tongue and support him in in seeing his daughter. You can calmly tell him that you are not interested in hearing about the baby's mum and that you only care about the welfare of the baby. You don't have to have the babies mother in your home, your husband can fetch the child without her. If she calls, be polite but pass her straight to your husband. You don't say what kind of trouble she's causing?? You must have faith that your husband won't cheat again. And if you can't then maybe he tested the relationship too much and you should get out. Either way, don't make any decisions unless you are calm and have thought them out rationally.
2007-01-22 23:14:43 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are choosing to let this ruin your marriage... He obvioulsy wants to be with you if he dumped her to come back to you but at the same time dont be jealous of the unborn baby... He needs to be a part of the childs life even though he is not with the mother. You cannot give him an ultimatum in this situation because the child is involved...You and your husband need marriage counseling and help and if you cannot handle the child then you will ultimatley have to end up letting him go.
2007-01-22 21:35:28 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband made a great mistake - that is right! But now the baby is born and there is nothing you can do about it, he/she is brother/sister to your children, same blood, how can you hate the baby. You are going to loose your husband if you act this way and nobody is going to blame him for leaving you. You have to decide now, it's your ultimatum not his! do you want to keep family or do you want divorce. One thing I can tell you - if your husband cares about that child, that means that he is good person and I'm happy that people like that still exist, people who are not afraid to say they made a mistake and have to take consequences.
I'm not telling you that I would be happy if I found out that my husband had an affair and he has a child from somebody, but still if that happens I'll make deceision: 1. stay with him and make the baby part of my (our) family, or 2. divorce. There is no third choice like - I won't to stay with him but I don't want him to see the baby, forget about that!
2007-01-22 21:02:37 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Would it be any different if this happened when you first met? If he had this kid and she was after him then? I say your giving him to her. Kicking him out is giving him permission to run back to her. Are you crazy?!?!?! If you can't forgive him and get help for you, him, and your family then this is the end. Shes going to do anything to brake you up. She will have to learn to except that he is with you. I do feel a bit sorry for her. I'm sure at one point she thought it was over with you two and yes shes going to have a hard time herself dealing with that. The baby does need a father. She will get over it as soon as she finds another man. Give it time and stop giving up so easily!
2007-01-22 21:11:48 · answer #8 · answered by darlingnicky772 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you love this man unconditionally? If you are unsure then it will mean grief and heart ache for the children in the long run any way. Sometimes although it seems the hardest choice it may be better to let him go. If you do love him unconditionally then take him back and make it work for you, the kids will benefit from your happiness either decision you make.... Make the choice for you!!
Good luck, I'm sure you will make the right decision!
2007-01-22 20:53:58 · answer #9 · answered by Lucky Cat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This ebook might help you to understand what's wrong in your relationship and It also teaches what to do to try saving your marriage http://savemarriage.toptips.org
It helped me alot!
2014-09-27 12:13:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋