What is my sexuality in your opinion....I'd really appreciate your honest answers...please read....?

Question

Situation: I consider myself straight. Always been ONLY attracted to females.

Problem: Art College, after freshman year, everyone had to leave dorms, & move into apts. Found a roomate who's straight. After a year, everyone in this neigborhood, (big trashy dudes) on that street called me "gay", "fa*g", even this one mother & her daughter, when ever they saw me outside, for a year, & threatened me as if I were gay/bi.

I was so shocked, I felt emasculated. I started to believe them, feeling, "if thats what everyones calling me, do they see something about me I don't know?" I didn't have a girlfriend, & it was hard for me to meet girls,which made it more fustrating. I started questioning myself so much that I would torture myself watching gay porn to see if it were true. The porn made me sick. After months, I actually started to get turned on by very feminine looking guys being submissive durning sex in porn.

So am I bisexual now, even tho I've always been attracted to girls?

Furthermore Even though I now find very feminine guys attractive, I could never see myself romantically involved with a guy no matter how feminine, or transgendered they were.

Also, about the college incident, I never did anything to make those people think I was gay. After months of self hatred, I realized they had to have had a reason for thinking it. Thats when I realized, I was an artist, & people usually assume your gay if your an artist. & those people always saw me carrying my paintings.

Also, my roomate was a big tall white dude, & I was a short thin black guy with dreads. They might have thought we were some kind of gay couple, which is ridiculous. There were a lot of real gays living near the are, and they may have thought I was one of them. Either way, it was a moment in my life thats scarred me incredibly. Now I'm always wondering, "does he think I'm gay? Does she think I'm gay? Who else is gonna think I'm weak, stupid, and liar, not straight, & not a real man?"

master_baiter - Your right, I suppose I'm retarted. thanks for your asnwer. My point is, when someone calls you gay, thats what they mean, that our not a real man. But maybe that went over your head.

lilsusie2483 - Problem is, if I were bicurious, it wouldn't have taken this dramatic experience to make me that way. I would have been curious about it from the start.

And yeah, I've heard the whole, "don't let what otehr poeple say bother you" speach many times. But when an entire neigborhood says this to you, every single day, and threatens you, it's a bit difficult to ignore.

And by the way, you can;'t tell who's gay just by the way they look and move. Everyone has they're own idea of what "looks" gay. there's been people I thought "looked" gay but ended up being straight.

sweet_pebbs699194 - What you say makes perfect sense! I think thats what I've been trying to find out. That if it's possible to think your something that your not (with sexuality) because everyone keeps telling you that you are. This feels like exactly what happened to me. This is the fist time I feel understood. Most people just call you gay for even asking this kind of question. Thanks for your asnwer.

sandra - I think your right. I didn't have much self-confidence at all. I feel good now though, it's been a few years and I feel I am slowly gaining more confidence and becoming a stonger individual. It's difficult doing that on your own, but it's working. Maybe this situation just makes me stronger.

SOAD_ROX - Your answer is very insightful! Thank you Rox! And thanks for being understanding to my question. I feel much better talking about this and getting very thoughtful answer like yours and a few others here. I thin your very right in what you say. It's just fustrating when I don;t have much self confidence, because it's difficult to know whats true or false about myself without it, and when it, everything is so obvious. Ive always felt straight, and I've always REALLY liked females so much that I like anyone who looks as feminine as a pretty girl, even if it;s a guy. But I only want to BE with girls. They're so sexy inside and out.

Anonymous Answers - You don't know how I could be threatened? How bout, "Umma kick your **** *fag!"

You said my last sentence shows more issues. Actually, the reason I said being called gay =
"weak, stupid, liar, not straight, and not a real man." is because thats what most guys means when they call you gay. They aren't calling you gay as in, "you like men" and thats it. That wouldn't really bother me. They're calling people gay with the IDEA that gays are weak, unmanly, etc. So thats why I said that, because thats the other labels they mean when they say it.

Overall, I liked your response. Very logical thanks Anonymous!

clam - Sad thing is, I used to start believing what you just said. Then I remembered, I've always been attracted to girls so much that it hurt. Even back in Kindergarden, I remember my first crush. I was never attracted to guys, and never questioned it until that traumatic situation after my confidence was broken. So I was never fighting anything. After that I began to doubt myself and believed what they told me. Then I realized, it's absurd that anyone would know me better than I know myself, especially with sexuality, knowing I've always been turned on by girls, not guys. And a true gay man would be turned on by watching just about any gay porn, not specifically feminine guy/girly trangendered submissively having sex. I would actually yearn to be in a relationship with a guy. But I don't. I see that it was my lack of confidence that was the real issue. So I'm sorry, but you'll have to choose top or bottom by yourself. Have a great day Clam.

Lökásennä - Thanks Lokasenna.

Matteo Your Gay Lord - Nice try but you didn't really read all of my questions, since you got my physical appearnce completely wrong, and I stated my appearance a few times very clearly in different questions. And you didn't read any of my question about women and relationships, sex, love, et, cause if your did, you'd know I love women sexually and emotionally. If you DID read everything, I might have slightly took you seriously if you questioned of I was bisexual, which I don;t feel I am, but you didn't even say that. Haha, have a good day gay Lord.

carora13 - HAHAH!! Sh*t I wish I WERE making this up. It's made my life a bit harder than it could have been. But the bright side is, I now know more about sexuality than most people, and I'm not even gay, or bi. And I feel stronger as a person.

carora13 - I would see a therapist but I don't trust them. I'd rather solve my own problems no matter how difficult. I feel I gain more intelligence and knowledge that way. Not to mention I;ve been forced to be my own father my whole life anyway. Thanks for your answer Carora13!

white wolf - I don't feel like I'm choosing anything. I feel like I'm trying to re-discover what I naturally am. I feel I know for sure now.

Sarah L - I think your right. Thanks Sarah!

Angelpaws - Everyone has issues. It's apart of the game of life. the goal is to defeat those issues, grow more mature, become stong enough to take on bigger issues that will happen in the future. Good question and I agree.

Ashley - I think your right. And well said.

fearthis1 - Hi Fear. Found the porn on the net, I'd never buy it from a store, so that doesn't change my worrys about peoples thoughts of me.

My family never really said much about gays when I was growing up.

I continued to watch the porn the same way one would continue to stare at the elephant man.

My family didn't push any stigma about gays when I was growing up living with them. Before this traumatic experience I never had thoughts for men. So there was no feelings to suppress.

My main point in life is to be real with myself, which is why I've been curious about this problem. Most wouldn't even question it.

I get put off by people that try to be someone they aren't as well. It irriates me greatly, especially those confused about they're own sexuality & then try to make YOU think yours confused too. This is why I make sure I'm not one of them. This is why I think those people in that neigborhood were probably in the closet & angry & decided to take it out on me.

Answer 1

Hey friend!I feel really sorry for you.That is violation of human rights.They have insulted u for no reason.I seriously wonder why these people are so prejudiced.They are mad.I'm glad that u could remain like that without committing any crime.I'm a straight guy and if I were you I would have chokeslammed at least one of those ill neighbours.

Dude you are perfectly normal and i wont mind calling u a straight.Actually when all the people around you start calling you gay all the time you get brainwashed and you start believing them even though what they say is not true.Thats normal.U've been always attracted to girls and you are straight.

About the feminine guys!Do u fancy havin sex with them?Or is it just an attraction?If u do then u could be a bisexual.But if its just a normal attraction you are not bi.Maybe its just that u like females a lot.Thats why u feel that way for femiine guys.From what u've told i think u r straight.Nothing to worry!U even hated gay porn.

Other thing is its stupid to say u r gay since u are an artist.Its true most of the time with male beauticians and fashion designers(they have the female taste and feminine nature).But not true with artists.There's nothing to deal with femiinism in art

Dude u are straight!

Answer 2

Obviously this fairly traumatic experience has confused your sexuality. It's a tough call, and one could argue that you're technically bisexual, but based on everything you said I would say you are straight. If you were at all bisexual the gay porn would have at least aroused you to some degree (unless you were looking at really bad porn). You're probably straight but if you do find yourself attracted to another male there isn't anything "wrong" with that. Another thing to keep in mind is that just because you lack an emotional attraction to other men and could never see yourself in a relationship with one doesn't necessarily mean you aren't still physically attracted to men. It is quite common for a person to be physically, but not emotionally, attracted to a particular sex.

However, I think the bigger issue here is not your sexuality but your self-confidence. The treatment you received from all of those people is terrible and it's sad to think that attitudes like that still exist today. Nonetheless, it obviously had a significant psychological impact on you if you felt emasculated and forced yourself to watch gay porn. I would strongly suggest seeking counseling to discuss not necessarily your sexuality but your self-image and confidence, of which your sexuality is just one part (albeit a major part). It will help a lot, trust me.

Answer 3

first off where did u get the gay porn? did u go buy or rent it, cause if you did your definitely not worried about what other people think?! second what or how should i say does your family think about or speak of gays? third if the porn really made you sick you wouldn't have continued to watch it for months until a feminine man turned you on. i think that perhaps you are bisexual and that your family has placed such a stigma on being gay that you severely suppressed your feelings/curiosity, and you want to be turned on by maybe tranny's and all that is cool if your real with yourself. i am bisexual myself and have had serious relationships with both sexes and found love from both sexes and loved both sexes however i am mostly attracted to men however i do enjoy a beautiful woman, not the ones who want to be men. i feel if your going to be with a woman be with a woman if you want to be with a man be with a man i just get put off by people that try to be someone they aren't and that they have issues other that sexuality and probably aren't even gay. that's another story/question though. good luck and what ever you figure out just stay true to you.

Answer 4

Well you can be a bisexual man and still be attracted mostly to women and only certain guys. People's sexual orientations can be fluid up to a point but still there would have always been a hint of same sex attraction.

That being said, personally, I would say you sound more like you're straight. Mainly because what you said about being turned off by the gay porn and never being able to see yourself in a relationship with another man.

I can empathize with you about being accused of or called something you're not, eventually you feel like why not try it if everyone thinks I am.

Whatever your sexual orientation is, I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 5

So much... where to start.

>>Always been ONLY attracted to females.
This would make you straight.

>>threatened me as if I were gay/bi.
How can you be threatened?

>>I started to believe them, feeling,
Don't believe them... in your life you will know yourself better than anyone else; however, you will never fully know yourself 100%.

>>sick. After months, I actually started to get turned on by very
>>feminine looking guys being submissive durning sex in porn.
Being turned on doesn't mean anything.

>>attractive, I could never see myself romantically involved
>>with a guy no matter how feminine, or transgendered they
Does romantically mean "relationship" or "sex"? Lets say, romantically=relationship with sex. If you are not going to have sex with a man, you are not homosexual or bisexual, which leaves heterosexual. If you have one event, it doesn't mean anything. If you liked it, you may become homosexual or bisexual if you continue to have sex with women too. If you didn't like it and never do it again, it doesn't matter. Sometimes I call this "technically bisexual," but really when you say homosexual, bisexual, or heterosexual it's your "preference" at the moment.

>>Also, about the college incident, I never did anything to make >>those people think I was gay. After months of self hatred, I
You may dress meterosexually or behave feminine that might trigger what people think of you -- just don't worry about it. Its not important.

>>kind of gay couple, which is ridiculous. There were a lot of
>>real gays living near the are, and they may have thought I
>>was one of them. Either way, it was a moment in my life thats
Uh, hello? Yes, I think this is probably more of it than you think. i.e. if you live on Castro (not saying that you do) with a guy and your an artist, maybe people would think you are gay.

>>think I'm gay? Does she think I'm gay? Who else is gonna
>>think I'm weak, stupid, and liar, not straight, & not a real >>man?"
Sadly, this last sentence kinds of sucks. So being gay is the same as "weak, stupid, liar, not straight, and not a real man." It totally shows more issues. Trust me, I think a straight dead beat father is "not a real man." Many straight men are weak, lie, and are stupid. Straight or gay, anyone can be "weak, stupid, lie, and not a real man."

Don't worry about what other people think -- be happy, get a girlfriend, and have tons of sex.

Answer 6

You are a full on gayboi, that's fine so am i. It seems that people around you could see it but you were fighting it until that day when you watched a gay porn movie, that was the day when you were welcomed home. Now if you want to be a man about it then you have to grow up and stop worrying about other people and start living your life as a fair fag, all you have to decide now is if your a top or a bottom either is great believe me, cheers

Answer 7

My what a lot of confusion going on in your mind. Your first mistake was (hopefully not still IS) not being confident of who you are in Christ Jesus as a person and a man with unique talents and abilities and qualities. (It doesn't hurt to carry yourself like a man either no matter how you are built.)
Second mistake was looking at porn, especially gay porn. Porn puts awful ideas into people's heads and messes up their minds. The fantasy becomes more real and exciting than the real or sometimes it leads to the fantasy being acted out for real and that's not good. I'll spare the verbal porn because of young audiences here in detailing what I mean and because you are smart enough to figure it out. I'm really glad you said the porn made you sick but torturing yourself with it was insanity itself and you only proved that if you subject your senses to filth, it will dull those senses (your conscience). Ted Bundy started on his road of destruction through pornography and solo sex.
If you want to feel more like the man God made you to be, just talk to God about it. Meanwhile, fix your relationships with parents and if one is absent, find other healthy man to man straight friendships. Stick with your natural affections for girls. That is how God made men so don't over-ride that as others do.
David was a man after God's own heart and he both went out to war and wrote poetry and played music yet he was straight as an arrow.
Third mistake is living in a neighborhood such as that. It doesn't sound very friendly for anybody, saint or sinner.
Give your life over to Jesus Christ and meditate upon His Word. The more you become like Him, the more of a man you will be. And please don't experiment with your self confidence in such an awful way anymore. There are better ways to find the answers you are looking for without playing with fire. Be safe, be smart, be good, be prayerful, be straight and happy and be blessed.

Answer 8

well how can you say that you are bisexual when you never even have been with a man romantically. I honestly think you are confused. Just by people saying that you are gay is not a reason for you to decide that now all of a sudden you are and need to go try it- its obviously something you thought about and curious. Maybe people think you are gay because the way you dress, walk, talk, carry yourself and because you are an artist (not that its right for them to pass judgement on you). You really shouldnt let what other people say bother you so much because people are always going to talk..its our nature. Let it go and do your own thing! You sound like you are bi-curious and theres only one way to find out if you are really gay and thats be with a man..it might not do nothing for you and it might. Start going out and hanging out with girls more often if you are attracted to women because in my opinion- god made adam and eve...not adam and steve. good luck to ya ;)

to comment back on what was replied- for starters I know people that were never curious or wanted to be with the same sex but years down the road became curious on how it would feel to be sexually involved with the same sex so I dont think that you would have necessarily had to already have to be thinking it before people started calling you gay .... they might have sparked something in your mind that you would like to try. We all go through dramatic experiences in our lives but the number one thing you should focus on is being yourself and making you happy. If that is being with a man go for it...if you would rather be with a woman good for you. Is it easy to accept being gay because people around you already think you are gay? Dont be what they want you to be...be comfortable with you. I understand that people telling you this everyday and threatening to kick your *** can be hard - and I am also sure you have heard the speech "dont let what people say bother you" but you should start trying to live by it.... I look at things like if you arent paying my bills or putting food on my table then I can careless how you feel about me (if someone dont like the way I look then they have the option not to look at me). You obviously need self confidence and some balls to stand up for yourself. I wasnt implying that a gay man has to look a certain way or dress a certain way...I was wondering why all these people think that you are gay (its not right for them to assume but why are you being picked as the victim and a gay man???

Answer 9

I don't think your gay or bi. I think that you are trying to find a reason why your having such a hard time finding a girlfriend. I think the guys teasing you and everything has gotten you questioning yourself. But if you look at gay porn and find it sickening i think that is a good sign your not gay. You just need more confidence with girls.

Answer 10

You're either straight and have just had one heck of a year or you're making this up to get sympathy from decent people. I'm going to assume the former. It definitely sounds like you're straight.I'd recommend seeing a therapist to help heal the damage that has been done.