my bf and i have been dating for almost 2 years on and off-most of the time on and a couple of months off. we attend the same university, met at the same jr. college then transferred to the university we now attend,and love each other to death. we are in our 20s-early- and this guy of all the guys i have dated is the best! none of my relationships have lasted long beyong the 2 month mark and this guy loves me, adores me, surprises me, even goes to the same school partially because of me because he did not want to see me be miserable if he went out of state to another university. he does so may things and bends his back for me that sometimes i do not know how to take things like Valentine's Day stuff since none of my ex's and i were still together at that time. i somehow feel guilty because he might be going partially to the same school as i am just to make me happy and maybe not himself. i know he loves me, we both want a family at some point in the future-after having a degree. help
2007-01-22 18:38:10 · 5 answers · asked by icycrissy27blue 5 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
so, should i feel bad because he might be going to the same school as me or should i be happy? i know that he never likes to surprise anyone, none the less bring home his gf and let her spend the night at his parents home and same at his grandmothers-both were new year parties-and he has never spent so much time, money, effort, and everything talking about the future. i feel scared because it seems too good of a thing which i am not used to when it comes to relationships.what do you guys think he wants? is he serious or ready to make a committment or what is he thinking?
2007-01-22 18:42:14 · update #1
im saying in general: can there be too much love in a relationship. it does not have to be my relationship. and no, my bf is not overbearing, overprotective but CHALLENGING and a pain and he just wants me to do my best. if that is considered overprotection than i disagree
2007-01-22 18:55:19 · update #2
It doesn't sound like the 'love' is the problem in the relationship. It is not that your bf has too much love, it is more like you have too little.
What I mean by that is you are basing your experience with your bf on your past 'loveless' relationships. You say that 'none of my reltionships have lasted long beyond the 2 month mark' and 'I do not know how to take things like Valentine's Day stuff since none of my ex's and I were still together at the time.' The dominant experience, from your question, is how affected you are by your past.
It would be the same as buying a new car, but never driving it beyond 40 mph, because you didn't feel your old car was safe going faster than 40. It can be difficult getting past the negative expeirences of your past, but you cannot do that if you first do not accept the fact that the past is just that, what happened in the past.
Your bf sounds like he understands that, because of your past, that he has to work extra hard to prove to you that he is different than your other relationships. In some ways, you are imposing upon him, but it's not considered something negative if he is performing the action (in this case, going to the same university as you) because the greater benefit he receives is from being close to you. In that case, what is making him happy is the fact that 1) he is close to you and 2) knowing that his sacrifice is something you treasure. For the people we love, the sacrifices we make are less important than the fact of their impact upon the person we care about. Sure, he could go to a different university, but that university wouldn't have you in it.
If you want to acknowledge and respond to the sacrifices that your bf is making, the best way would be to be 'in the moment' with him. Give him the fears and insecurities of your past, maybe even make a little gift box with all of them written down on little bits of paper, and show him that his efforts have meaning. You will feel more 'deserving' of his love, and he will know that his efforts are worthwhile.
2007-01-22 21:49:37 · answer #1 · answered by Khnopff71 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be happy for all he has done for you, do not be depressed that he may not be making him self happy he went to all that trouble so show him how much you appreciate him for it.
He does a lot for you and sounds like he loves you a lot (sounds a lot like my boyfriend) and sometimes when boys lavish us so much treat us so nice and put us first we forget to do little things for them (which is why i have planned a surprise for mine this week he he he) so try and give him little treats, taking him out for the day, buying him dinner every now and again , even things as small as letting him have the last slice of pizza.
If he puts you first put him first, you both deserve to be happy in such a good relationship no one should ever feel neglected so go and do some outrageous stuff and little things on a day to day basis to keep him reminded of how much you appreciate all of which he has done for you.
Be pleased with what he does for you never sad, if you think hes missing out on his chances of being happy for you then do things to keep him happy make big steps with him , he did all this just for you I am sure if he saw you sad about it it would make it seem as though you didn't care (even if that isnt the case)
he makes you happy so make him happy
Ask him what he is thinking, non of us can answer that one only him.
2007-01-23 03:13:37 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Then be honest and up front with him. I'm sure you will understand.
As for your question, I don't think love is exactly quanitfiable. Maybe you mean overbearing? Overprotective? Jealous and the like.
2007-01-23 02:45:47 · answer #3 · answered by masterscribe888 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOVE IS A TRAP
C IT FOR THE COMPLICATIONS THAT ARE RESOLVABLE BECAUSE OF THE COMPLEXITIES AND SIMILARITIES U HAVE THREADED TOGETHER AND WOVEN A EMOTION TOO
THE LEGAL SYSTEM THAT CONTROLS MARRIAGES HAVE NO EQUATIONS TO HOLD THE POSITION AND DICTATORSHIP OVER HOUSEHOLDS THAT THEY DO
ONE PERSON USUALLY HURTS AND THE OTHER PERSON USUALLY FENDS THE OTHER OFF SO THEY WIN-HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH EACH OTHER BUT IT IS WHAT HAPPENS TO RELATIONSHIPS
2007-01-23 02:52:54 · answer #4 · answered by bev 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if it is too much I think it qualifies as something other than love.
familiarity breeds contempt ....
2007-01-23 02:45:38 · answer #5 · answered by dogpatch USA 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋