Whats going on? i need serious answers..very personal....?

Question

About a year ago a very close friend/coworker of mine raped me. I was drunk and barely remember anything(i thought of him as a brother so i trusted him a lot, hes been to my house a lot of times and even slept over like twice before the incident) , after that day he only talked to me three more times & never called me again. That day he asked me to be w/ him & i told him i only liked him as a friend. He had a girlfriend who was on vacation at the time & i had told him that he had to tell her. A year later im still recovering from that day but sometimes @ vulnerable times i feel like calling him (i still have his house number & his brothers number), but i dont know what i would say. Sometimes it even scares me bc i want to be friends w/ him again & ive even thought about dating him but to me the idea sounds crazy bc ill never be the same again after what he did to me. Why am i getting these wierd stupid ideas, i dont feel a normal person would fantasize about that? Whats wrong with me?

Answer 1

Talk to him as soon as possible with another person present, and have him tell you his version of the story, and demand an answer as to whether he took advantage of you.
Go from there, but understand that from your point of view he took advantage of you (were you both drunk to the point of passing out? If so, it may or may not have been rape, although I realize this board will crucify my answer for saying so). That's why getting the story from him with someone else present is important, because he needs to explain why he had sex with you when you were so drunk that you could not respond.

Answer 2

Everyone has a different response to rape. Some people become depressed, others feel elated, the list goes on. Your mind does whatever it can to deal with the situation both immediately after the incident and also further down the track if you don`t deal with it. I really feel and cannot urge you enough to get counselling. Here I am assuming that perhaps you haven`t. It seems that you haven`t really recovered or dealt with what has happened. I`m really sorry that you have gone through this and although you don`t know me I want you to know that I feel for you and support you (albeit from afar). Please contact a Crisis centre soon! The staff will have had training and experience and can help you.

Answer 3

this is a serious issue. this is a henious crime and your friend has broken your trust. this can have adverse affect on you. a close friend of mine was victimised this way. and to this day she is scared. she cant sleep in the night with out closing the lights. either the tv or lights should be on for her to sleep. you should have taken a serious step like telling his girlfriend about this incident. if you dont stand for this you cant stand for anything. as days go by this will haunt you. get the help of a psychiatrist and report this incident to his gf. being frnds with a person who raped you is wierd and very strange.

Answer 4

You learned a very hard lesson about the cost of getting drunk.
Many drunk women act like they want sex so it can be very confusing to a guy, BUT a real man never has first time sex with a drunk female.
You do know he has very low ethics and standards.
Not only would he have first time sex with a drunk female BUT he was wayyy willing to cheat on his girlfriend.
He is NOT the caliber of person anyone should hang with. You just want contact so it will seem less like a repulsive rape . . . Face up to reality and NEVER go back down that path. He has NO honor.
Chalk that ugly experience up to real time learning and go forward with your life, NOT back.

Answer 5

Dear Poster,
YOU WERE RAPED! YOU WERE DRUGGED with a rape drug! A crime has been commited against you. This "close friend" is not a close friend at all he is a criminal who did something so terrible and because it was veiled with "close friend" he got away with it...
Ask yourself Do you still work with him? What if he did this to someone else or a child? Maybe a niece or newphew? You need to GET YOUR BUTT TOMMOROW to make an appointment with a rape counslor (most are confidntial) and report this incident to them and THEN if you are still working with him once you have a counsler REPORT HIM TO HUMAN RESOURCES> YOU SHOULDNT HAVE TO LOOK AT HIM EVERYDAY. Because you are being raped everyday and THATS why you are having those feelings. Your very brave to post what you did.
GOD BLESS YOU and I will pray for you! Nothing is wrong with you! Get going in the AM

Answer 6

Ann, you're feelings are not unusual. What's you're experiencing has a name, the Stockholm syndrome. This is when the victim (you) develops a sense of loyalty and often sympathy for the person who victimized them. I get the sense that you realize that contacting this person would be a BAD IDEA, as he would likely do something like that again. Fight your urges to call him, instead call a friend or family member who you can trust, and do your best to put this incident behind you.

Answer 7

Honey, nothing is wrong with you.. you are the victim of a sexual crime. You more than likely need to speak to a professional about this. You need to be moving on, and you are not.. which is ok, given the fact that you have been going it alone.
Kick the bastard to the curb.. You do not need his "friendship" in your world. Anyone who would violate a friend, is NO FRIEND!!
At this point he is a criminal.
It might not be too late to report the crime, but then again it might.
Ask.
Please seek help, ok?

Answer 8

You feel the need to be friends with him so you can justify to yourself that it was okay. Underneath the surface you feel like if you were friends or dating that it would make him raping you okay. You are trying to come to terms with it and by reconciling with him you think you can just forget everything. I don't know if this makes sense to your or not. I'm tired and I can't get my wording right.


Go to a Rape Crisis Center.. It is more appropriate than Yahoo answers and they can offer you a lot of advice and resources.

Answer 9

nothing woring with u....it's just those ideas 'll keep on comin' 4 a while..it's normal....it comes when u need 2 change or the bored times that comes...this happened 2 me 2...but i was seduced by a girl that iwould never ever under any means do this ...but it passed...these thoughts will remain for a while.....try 2 get him out of ur life...coz u need no refreshment of wht happened...keep on in ur life

Answer 10

this is the behavior of life in the 1950's and earlier in America, today it is subject to overt disapproval but in real life people understand sex and they can figure it out for themselves if you like it sometime it is by learning the hard way~it's like learning to swim some people heard so much about downing they never learn to swim~guys get molested by older girls too it is the dark side of happy places in life that texting by choice and instinct, most guy would love to gut their own wives but have to be nice, loose something in the transition or what ever?