What Males Think?

Question

See, I could answer this question myself, but I need some help from both sexes. I'm a little socially awkward, I guess--I have a bf, but I've never had TOO much experience with guys as "the opposite sex". To me, guys are just like girls--I've always tried to befriend and treat everyone equally, regardless of gender.

But I've been second-guessing myself lately because sometimes my friendliness (and honestly, it really is just me being friendly) winds up in trouble. One time a guy spread rumors about me to another male friend that I had a crush on him, and so that friend chose to avoid me from that point. I had that happen to another guy as well.

Recently, I have felt weird around another acquaintance because I don't know how to act around him and don't want him to think I have a crush on him. I guess I'm just second-guessing my actions all the time because I don't want guys to think I have crushes on them when I don't. Is that weird?

Why can't guys and girls just be friends?

Answer 1

If a guy avoids you because he thinks you have a crush on another guy, whether you really do or not, he was never very good friend material was he? I don't know why some guys are just goofs. I've had plenty of guy friends in my life. Sometimes there's a mutual understanding that you like to hang out with each but there's no chemistry. With other guys, there is lots of misunderstanding. My advice would be to keep being friendly, but accept that you can't be friends with everyone.

Answer 2

They can be just friends, but lots of luck with that one. Especially if you are attractive.

You know, a few studies have been done on attraction. One study found that women only find a smile or a certain move of the eyes (eye-to-eye contact held for a couple of seconds) as being signs that a guy is interested in her.

The same study found that guys found a smile, a girl holding eye-to-eye contact for two seconds or more, a girl looking away immediately, a girl batting her eyes, a girl crossing her legs, a girl uncrossing her legs, a touch on the forearm, a touch on the shoulder, the girl moving her hand to her neck, flipping her hair, and laughing shyly after the guy makes a joke; all as signs that the girl was interested in him.

Truth is, if you so much as talk to a guy, his mind is more than likely already jumped to the idea that you might be interested. Any of the above signs (which pretty much means anything you do) and there is a fairly good chance he is thinking you might have a crush on him (unless he is fairly shy and/or unsure of himself). There isn't that much you can do about it. Be friends, if he gets a little uppity try to be gentle when you let him down. If you have to let him down, be patient with him when he avoids you for a little bit and do your best to act like it never happened. Treat him the same (even if he doesn't treat you the same), and eventually he'll forget it and you'll be friends again.

Answer 3

Heh, I think you could relate to my story. I am not too good with the opposite sex myself (the way you are with guys, I am with girls). Anyway, I got a job at a coffee shop and it just so happened to be, everyone else working there was female (most within 3 years of my age). It is not busy where I work and there's only 2 of us scheduled at the same time, so it is like we are forced to talk to one another. This is awkward because I do not act the same around females as I do males. I want to be myself, but it just seems...wrong (eventhough I don't see why). Anyway, I've gotten to the point where I am being myself.

After working there for about 9 months now, here is what I've learned about the differences in sexes...Everyone is an individual. People can generalize all they want, women do this, men do this, but what it really comes down to, is, who each of them are.

I believe we act differently around the opposite sex because of the attractions, and I believe that is normal. All I can say, and it sounds cheezy, is just be yourself. Those guys are individuals, you have to learn THEM, don't try to contemplate men in general.

Answer 4

You are obviously young. Most guys will assume a lady who is too friendly is that friendly because she likes you in the bf/gf way. Younger guys are either in a happy relationship or thinking about women quite a bit. So it does not take much to start an avalanche

Second aspect is if you want to drive your bf insane in a bad way then be friendly with guys. If your bf has a brother that's ok. However no matter how hard he tries not to be jealous, he will be if you are pals with guys. That starts a wall between you that will eventually get quite thick and very high. I've never met a guy who was not cheating himself who did not get jealous when his gf was too friendly with other guys. Even guys she's known for years and years. In my opinion, you should drop most contact with guys while you have a bf. Then when between bf's carry on the friendship. Any who are really your friend will understand. Those who are only your friend hoping to worm their way in will not.

Guys and gals are VERY different creatures. This is a good thing. When combined our strengths and weaknesses balance. They create a healthy society. If one side or the other dominates it tends to be an unhealthy society. So you should rejoice in the differences between guys and gals and be quite aware of them. Anytime you are just friends with a guy that should be made as clear as possible and as often as possible. Leave the smallest doubt about that status and a guy will often see that doubt grow into all kinds of things. The puppies are the worst. A lady smiles at them once and they are hopelessly in love with her it seems. Puppies can be rather persistent to. I've had to have a word or two with more than a few who've turned into stalkers.

So best rule is to be clear about where you are when dealing with a guy. Even ones that are cool might mistake your intentions at one time. Their gf's might also which can cause you more trouble than the guy mistaking your intentions.

As for why guys and gals can't just be friends. Simple. It introduces jealousy. It sends mixed signals. It also can open doors you did not intend to open. Friends who are attractive to each other will often wind up changing the nature of that friendship. If the attraction is one sided or if one or both are in relationships the consequences can be severe. So as a rule guys and gals once you reach a certain age are not generally friends. When they attempt it, very often romantic or sexual aspects will taint the friendship. That's not to say it's impossible. Friendship though rarely works out unless there is good reason why no romance or sex can enter the friendship. Age and sexual preference are two major dividing lines that allow a comfortable friendship between a man and a woman. Relying on being in a relationship is a quick way to kill that relationship. Sometimes couples that spend too much time together wind up spending the wrong kind of time together. Very often when a lady tries to hang on to friendships from when she was single it creates jealousy. Whether it's warrented or not doesn't matter. It's damaging to the relationship. People are people. People often also seek out friendship with people who they are attracted too but feel like they have little or no chance thorugh conventional means. The worming your way in method you might call it. As such many of your friends are not really friends. They are awaiting opportunity.

A humerous movie that illustrates many of these points is "when Harry met Sally". Though Hollywood is full of examples. In Hollywood friendship turns into relationship fairly often. In RL it seems to be rather rare. Couples are often best friends as well as romantic partners but they didn't start out as just friends very often.

Answer 5

Poor thing, anytime you ends up second guessing yourself is sad.
That means you are no longer your true self. People can senses that also and that makes it even worse.

In short, I think vast majority of the time guys and girls can not be friends. Unless, they are both ugly as hell. Otherwise, it is tough.
There are always certain degree of attraction because of animal instincts. Male and females are naturally attract to each other.

Similar to what you had experienced, I had a couple of times that some females expressed their interests in me while I just treated them as friends. I was being friendly and I was not attracted to them at all but I was surprised.

Anyway, again, there should be a distance between male and females even you just want to be friends.

Answer 6

No hun thats not weird, you should only have a cruch on a guy you like. When you fall for a guy you will know it none the less even if he is your friend. Sounds like your a little self consious, well maybe you should try looking for a guy that you have had your eye on. Maybe even a friend. You know 75% of the worlds population end up marrying there close friends? It's true, But once you find a guy you truly love, you guys will have a happy relationship and everybody will know that you have a man, and they will not think your crushing on them anymore, do you get where im goin with this? But you sound like a really sweet girl I.M. me on yahoo and maybe we can talk more on it. Hope this helps! add me to [e-mail]

Answer 7

They can be friends. I have a lot of friends of the opposite sex. Those ppl that spread rumors are probably just a bunch of jealous retards. Maybe they have a crush on you. I don't know. But I remember that people were like that when i was in elementary? Yeah. Not anymore. We're more mature.

and as for laura's answer. She knows nothing about guys.

Answer 8

>> To me, guys are just like girls--I've always tried to befriend and treat everyone equally, regardless of gender.

This is as far as I need to read into your question to tell you that you are going to have huge problems in your life if you go into serious things with preconceptions that you make think makes life simpler, but are simply not true.

Every person has to find out for themselves their style and way of interacting with the opposite sex ... so before you get hurt really badly or make irreversible mistakes, get to know people, find out what you can expect from them, as well as get to know yourself better ... why you want to simplify life to the point of danger.

Men and women are not the same - I repeat. There is an X chromosome that may sound boring and useless in biology class but men and women are very different because of their biological programming. Try to remember to not believe things just because you think they may be politically correct or simple ... find out in reality for yourself.

Answer 9

Unfortunatly in human nature we are ordained to be attracted to the opposite sex in most cases. This goes back to our early stages of our human history. Men are very aggresive when it comes to sexual attraction our sex drives are easily influenced and women are more able to contain these urges then us. When friendships arise between the sexes sexual tensions arise the more your around that person. Then the jealousy , envy and other acts are done.

Answer 10

I think guys and girls should be able to be just friends. But alot of guys feel like girls want to be with them just because they are friendly with them.