I am a 40-year-old single mom.?

Question

I am a 40-year-old single mom. I work part time and am nearly finished with my college education. I am in love with "Michael." We have been living together for a year, and he is a great deal of help with my children.
Michael pays the majority of the bills with no complaints. He is a very successful businessman, extremely generous to my children, and he dotes on me. My problem is, Michael never wants to get married. He is content with the way our relationship is now. We have had the conversation about marriage several times, but I always end up frustrated and upset.
We have both been married before. Michael always knew my intentions were to be in a stable relationship that would end in marriage. Knowing this, he still maintains a relationship with me.
I know Michael loves me tremendously, as I do him. What now? Should I sacrifice my happiness and continue this near-perfect relationship, or should I give him an ultimatum? -- Driving the Wrong Way on a One-Way Street

Answer 1

i think you should turn and go... then if he can't live without you he'll come around... you don't need to waste your time trying to force him into something he doesn't want... that is more pain down the road.

Answer 2

First of all, bringing a man into your children's lives isn't a good thing to do for them and for you too. I think that is a big mistake of having him live with you and your kids.

Of course he doesn't want to get married, because he doesn't want to make any 'commitments' with you. He sees that you already have kids of your own, he just has it made by living there with you. Right now, you are showing you kids a bad example by allowing him to live there without any marriage in the picture. It is like you are just a 'prostitute' in your own home, except you don't get paid for sex. I think you should have more respect for your body especially at your age and with kids.

I think you are wasting your time with him. How can you love someone and he says he loves you back 'tremendously, but he is not willing to make a commitment with you? Don't you think if he loved you 'tremendously' that he would have asked you to marry him by now?

Don't proceed with this relationship, start thinking about your kids and raise them on your own. You should sacrifice your happiness with your kids, they need you as their mother. Don't start dating anyone until your kids are out and gone.

There is no need to give him a choice, it is already there in front of you dear! (smile)

Answer 3

I say give it some more time - one year is not a lot of time to rebuild trust after a bad marriage. I don't think you are in any danger because he doesn't want to get married. I would wait several more years before asking the question again - and why do you want to get married? Don't ask the question unless you are prepared for the answer - which may not be what you want.

Answer 4

This relationship is very difficult and trying on your children. They wonder what's up with this picture. I'm sure their friends are questioning your sanity also. If you want to get married and he does not, then the relationship is not working. He obviously is getting everything he wants without having to commit. If you're willing to continue to "give it up," he'll be very content with this arrangement for the rest of his life. Most men will not commit nor pay for the cow if the "milk is free." Think about the children, and explain the consequences to him continuing your present arrangement. Maybe he'll understand and step up. If not, move-on to a man that'll appreciate what you are doing and respect your children's legacy. Harsh advice, but real!

Answer 5

Your guy is unlikely to change. Why should he, he has the best of both worlds, his bachelor status and practically being married in all but legal status. (Actually, you may already have a common law marriage depending on the laws of your state). You may just have to shake him up to get him to budge off his vaulted singleness. And it could take leaving him to do it; not just threatening to leave, but actually doing it. If he doesn't come after you with a proposal in hand, then maybe you would be better without him. Hard as that seems now.

Answer 6

Heavy decision....and I understand because I'm in a ditto of your situation. I've thought long and hard about it and decided that until I'm sure I can live by and be happy with the ultimatum, that I'll leave things status quo. I've never been happier with a man...all except for one thing....the marriage problem. When in doubt do nothing....nothing but give yourself the time to be sure of what road you want to travel. You'd be kicking your own behind later if you found yourself questioning your motives.

Answer 7

cathy - you really shouldn't be asking two different questions so closely together, since users can tell you asked both of them. Here you have a boyfriend michael who's not committing to marriage. yet in a question you asked minutes apart, you have 30y.o. stepdaughter and a husband. Get your stories straight or ask your question "for a friend"

Answer 8

Look the paper means nothing, love is all that matters if your thinking he will leave you then the paper wont stop him.
Enjoy and build on what you have, from what you write it sounds to me like you have it all.
And who knows maybe in time he may bring the question of marriage up, good luck.

Answer 9

they ought to no longer be searching for some thing till the youngster is eighteen. the youngster has a father. (that's major) If a guy comes into moms existence it will be later. it isn't basic both way. I want you strong options.

Answer 10

If he loves you, he WILL married to you.

Tell him kindly, but firmly:

It's not right affront of God.
It's not a good example for the children.
You need a normal security from man you are living with and you are old enough to call yourself any-body's girl-friend.

Answer 11

and i wonder how much happier a marriage certificate would make you? its mostly a thought, not much more to it, be happy with what you have since its just like marriage without the bs paperwork involved