HELP! WHAT'S YOUR OPINION ABOUT THIS POEM? (do you like it, did it move you, what did it mean to you, etc)

Question

It sits in the corner of my bedroom,
On a table that is hidden from view
By the open bathroom door. It is the
Picture of Eric and me at the senior
Homecoming dance. It is surrounded by
A silver frame, one that at times catches
The light from the window and sends out a
Beacon. Like a lighthouse, it leads me to
The shore of the table where I reach out
And hold the past in my hands. He looks so
Handsome in his tuxedo. His blue-green
Eyes gleam from behind the lenses of his
Glasses. He clings to me, his arms around
Me, as if he will never let me go.
Wisps of brown surround my face, and my
Azure dress flows to the floor. If I
Focus hard enough I can almost smell
The calla lilies that I grasp in my
Hands. I did not realize at the time
That this would become the first, and only,
Picture of the three of us together.
Still clutching the picture in my hands I
Shed a tear, for you, my clinging ghost from
The past. I place the frame back in it’s place
On the table in the corner. I hope
To always remember, yet pray to one
day forget, why his eyes will never gleam
As bright, and why I will never again
Smell the calla lilies sweet aroma.

Answer 1

Thats really sweet. you're teasing our senses with every detail. It reminds me of my junior prom. I take it to mean that you were pregnant at the time, but you lost your baby. If this is true, I am so sorry for your loss, but this poem is a beautiful tribute. Great job.

Answer 2

The symbolism is not correct-
The form is not correct-

The story is okay- its obviously important to you.
To me its just a recall of memories of a prom date, boyfriend that is either gone or dead.

We three- is confusing- If it is Eric's ghost then change that. IT reads like there are two men. Eric and a ghost.
A memory is not a ghost.

Yet the flowers of choice actually do not smell and they are used for funerals or weddings in that order.

Excessive use of the following words: I and that

You are very clever- that is clear. break it down and redo it.
Use white space- not words to make you point. A break in words builds the readers thoughts to the "what if's" of the story.

Best wishes

Answer 3

I would like to express that with this:


All shaded in a forever dull mists
A glance at your picture leads me to a memory
Cropped in silver cold frame
Your eyes make me flutter like loosely flying ribbons

Remembrance of your arm holding to my soul
Just triggered in the smell of calla lilies
The time lazily swish me by and by
That fouls my soul in utterly grey dreams

Picture of your face in silver frame in my hands
Never let me escape from this prayer
For those precious chances in the memory
In those drops of tears and the mists of calla lilies

Answer 4

Wow. That is a really awesome poem. I like how descriptive you were. I got a mental image of the photo in the silver frame, and you clutching it to your chest. I could almost smell the flowers. Way to go! GREAT poem.

Answer 5

This is more teen angst garbage stinking up Yahoo. It's also a violation of terms. Not poetry, just a bunch of mumbo jumbo by a lovesick teen. When will you people learn that this IS NOT THE FORUM FOR THIS JUNK! Reported!

Answer 6

I hate to sound ruthless - but it has a lot of potential - If you scrap most of it.
The composition is too contrived, cheesy and cloying - and destroys anything authentic in it.
I'm sure it fulfilled the criteria of the assignment, but is it something people would identify with? I dunno - and I think thats why people read poems - to find something of themselves in it.

Answer 7

well. you might need a check in the dictionnary at "poem"... a poem is not a continuation a words and thoughts. a poem lives through the work of writing. and u do not write : u spews out a cacophony of non sense and unhearable words... read Rimbaud, please, for goodness sake...

Answer 8

I like it, very sweet.