I'm a full time working mom who goes to school...?

Question

o.k, I work full time, I'm a mom, AND I go to college full-time. On top of all of that my husband hardly helps with the basic chores and he's constantly needing this and that..It's getting over whelming...need advice on just about anything...plzzee

Answer 1

WOW! Tell him you are burned out and if he doesn't help then you are hiring a maid/sitter and will take it out of the child support payments. He might realize that he is getting kicked out and having to pay support....either that or help out...his choice.

Answer 2

Don't feel bad, feel proud. At least she will be with a family member. maybe try to get a second hand video camera or something so her caregiver can videotape some of her day, then you can watch it with her at night or in the morning and spend time with her that way, it will not only keep you informed of what shes doing during the day, but watching it with her will also let her know how much you love her and miss her. My best friend who is also a single mom working fulltime with no child support just finished law school with a perfect 4.0. You can do it. Congrats on making a great decision.

Answer 3

Set down with your husband and have a heart to heart with him. Explain how you feel and point out all of the things that you do (sometimes men just walk around without thinking about how stuff gets clean), tell him that you are very overwhelmed and a little bit of his help would go a long way.
Also, I have one day a week that I make time for myself. I run a bubble bath and make a cup of tea (or pour a glass of wine), get a good book or magazine... the CD player with a nice relaxing CD, then I lock the door and stay in there as long as I need to. When I am done there I put on my warm fuzzy bath robe and I lock myself in the bedroom and watch a movie while I do my nails.
No one in my house disturbs me during this time... they all know better now.
You need some time to yourself... it really helps!

Answer 4

Has he always been this dis-inclined to help out around the house? If so, it's going to be difficult to teach an old dawg new tricks. Also, it sets a bad example for your kids, if you expect them to pitch in.

The first thing you can do is tell him how you feel, and that things *will* be changing. I'd start with the 'needing this and that' - he can get for himself or do without.

If that doesn't work, you do your laundry and let him do his or run out. That's pretty drastic, but he might need a KITA to change his outlook on being waited on by you.

But it sounds like this has been his perspective for a long long time, and that's going to be a challenge for you and for your relationship. Otherwise, you just give in, bite the bullet, and keep on keeping on. Good luck, and peace out

Answer 5

So, make your kids do the chores. I thought that's why people had kids because they're sick of doing the dishes and cleaning up! Or just don't bother. A little bit of mess never hurt anyone besides when it gets too be too much your husband will probably clean it up.

Oh and your husband is an adult, go tell him to do it himself when he asks for things.

One more thing, my mom worked full time, went to school full time when I was growing up and I'm better off for it. I'd have little respect for a woman as smart as my mother is who stayed at home doing chores and raising us. Nah, teach your kids independence and that women are not just maids and mommies. Geez.

Answer 6

Well, the only advice I can give you is to talk to your husband.

But when you do, I'd recommend you forget the accustory tones like, "You're being a lazy bum and not supporting me enough" and just talk to him. It could be he needs a pep talk to understand what you're going through. Tell him about all your hardships, and how you'd appreciate it if he could be the strong other half of your marriage and support you some more when you need it the most.

And if your children are old enough to understand, I'd suggest extending this pep talk to them as well. "Mommy would like you guys to help her achieve her dreams" might make them visualize how to help you out. Even things like doing some chores by themselves without you managing them would be great, I think.

Also, take some time to hang out with girlfriends, go to a spa and relax, or even do little things you like doing alone--painting or reading... etc. At college, too, there are lots of resources for everyone, especially under-stress students like yourself. Good luck with everything--it takes a lot to do what you're doing :)

Answer 7

Time to get rid of the excess baggage...sounds like you are doing everything already anyway. Why is it you need him again? :) I did the same thing a few years, then had to get rid of the husband, he just wanted someone to take care of him while he did NOTHING.....life is so much better now without him (oh yeah, it's been 15 years too and I'm now working on my PhD degree) ---good luck to you, you will figure out what to do, one thing is for sure, complaining to him is not going to do any good.

Answer 8

you need to sit down and explain to your husband that you need help. He should be pitching in. I was in your position and it is hard explain to him if he needs to have his needs met then he has to pitch in and help out with other household needs so you will be available to fulfill his needs and keep up with your kids and school. If he won't help out then you should get rid of him because he is supportive of you and your needs. Go on strike if need be and only do what needs to be done and not what could wait and show him the need you have for help. good luck never give up on school I graduated last Jan and never felt better once I finished.

Answer 9

If you see that your husband needs help, then I guess it is time for you to stay at home rather than going to work and school full-time. When do you have time for your husband and family if most of the time you are not home for them?

If you see that things are chaos at the home and your husband is not doing a good job doing "your" job in the home, then that should tell you that, that is not his place. Common sense, don't you think? I mean, why did you all have a family together? You as the mother should be the one to take care of the kids while the husband goes to work to provide for the family....he should be the bread winner, not you.

If you have kids to raise, then you should have thought of that before bringing kids in the picture, especially when you are not going to be home raising your own kids.

If it is too overwhelming for you and him, don't you think that it is not fair to the kids not to have their mommy home and don't you think that it isn't fair for your husband not to have his wife home taking care of his kids too?

It is sad how women these days have this "career oriented mind" mentality rather then wanting to spend the time home with their kids and watch them grow up, rather than having someone else raise them. There is your advice, hope you use them.

Answer 10

sounds like you need to weigh the importance of everything going on in your life and make additions by subtraction. but first you should have a good talk with your husband and tell him you need more from him.