Do men ever leave their wives for the "other woman"?

Question

I have been in a relationship with a married man for over a year. We have fallen deeply in love and want to start our own life together. He decided to tell his wife that he wanted a divorce, but when she found out about the affair and was devastated he thought he owed her another chance for their kids. He is trying now to make his family to realize he is not leaving for another woman; that their problems are not about me. I know he is trying to patch things up so that someday his children will accept me, but how long can things go on this way? He is still seeing me and lying at home. The guilt his wife puts on him is doing psychologically damage. Should I leave him? Should I tell her what is going on? Can this ever work?

Answer 1

yes, the do! my mom has been married 3 times and all of them were married and living with their wives when she met them.

Answer 2

Why is he acting like the victim? And you, messing with a man that is married WITH kids! Listen. The way you meet them, is the way you will lose them. Trust me. Most men who have affairs NEVER leave their wife and their family. He is having his cake and eating it too, with you still being there on the side. He is holding on to you just incase his wife throws him out completly he has got you, but in reality he still wants his family. If he has not gotten those divorce papers final, after one year and he is still living with her, what are you waiting for? You are losing your life for a man who has already built his life with someone else. You on the other hand, are single, and have the opportunity to marry start a family and be happy. Why would you want to get in the middle of someone else's family and tear it apart? Also, supposevely this guy loves you? How could you ever trust him and him trust you, if you started the relationship with lies. Yes he is being honest with you about his wife, but look how long he lied to his wife about you. What about those kids, don't you think they saw their mother hurting..because of YOU. And your gonna believe this lame story that he is patching things up so the kids will accept you one day. Come on..how old are you? Do you REALLY believe that? If there old enough, your the homewrecker in their eyes. Sorry but its true. Should you leave him you ask? Him being married and going back to his wife and children is the only reason you need to not even consider going back to him. How would you feel, if one day you fell deeply in love with someone, and married him. And years later 3 kids with you , and home, and then one day ..to your horror, he told you he has been having an affair for a year with some hot 23 year old, and is telling you he wants a divorce. And there you are..with 3 kids later and all the time and effort you put into the marriage..how would you feel? Do you have no heart to not care what that family is going through? Not him but the wife and the children. All couple's have problems, but that doesn't mean you go and cheat on them! KARMA, do you want this horrible karma to come back to you one day, when your the happiest in your life? Do the right thing. Leave... and never talk to him again.

Answer 3

No - because that would mean not having the best of both worlds. They will get away with an affair as long as they can or until the mistress becomes a problem (i.e. demanidng his time, threatening to tell wife) and only then might and its a big might - get rid of mistress or come clean with wife - but usually he sticks around for the fluffing of the cushions at home and the self gratification of his mistress where-ever is convenient. Its not a nice thing to talk about or be aware of - but im sure if your old enough to marry and have kids - you live in the real world - and the real world has lustful men that forget their vows, forget the amazing memories and bonding .. all the pregnancy and childbirth - the smile of the first baby and the wife that gave it to him - all when a breasty, leggy exciting flirty women flashes a promising smile at him - all his heart and brains fall into his dick and eventually he betrays his family. So no- he wont leave his wife and kids ... too comfy their ..and not many wifes get rid of them after they find out - so they have nothing to loose by doing it really - the mistress however - is in for some fine heartache. Where there is a kid - he wont go. Hell just have his cake and eat it.

Answer 4

Ma'am, take your hands from the wheel - step away from the vehicle!

This is a recipe for disaster. For the man, his kids, his wife and for you. How can a relationship built on the bodies of small children and a devastated woman ever get off the ground, much less survive?

They rarely leave. There will always be a reason and then another and another. You are wasting your life and ruining his. Go. Go now and don't look back.

Answer 5

Clearly it isn't likely to ever work. He's using your feelings about being the 'other woman' not to wound his wife. How do you think kis kids will feel about accepting you if they realize you were the person that was 50% of the reason for the breakup of their family?

He said he owed her another chance (for their kids). What does he say he "owes you?"

How long will things go on that way? As long as you permit them to. I'd have had just a little more empathy if he'd decided he was no longer wanting the relationship at home and bailed out. But he sounds like a coward (and I'm speaking as a male).

Good luck, and peace out

Answer 6

You want the hard truth? Not usually. And if they do, you'll wish they hadn't later when your the one they are cheating on. You may be in love with him, but really your just a symptom of what is going wrong in his marriage that he's too lazy to work on. My father dated a woman while he was married to my mom, and he told the mistress that once I was 18, he would leave my mom. It's been awhile since I turned 18 and he's still with my mom. My mom even found out about her and threw him out. He came crawling back and dumped that woman. I tell you this from my perspective of my childhood with a cheating father. He lied to me every time he lied to my mom. He ripped apart our family, and for a long time, I thought all men were pigs and would betray their wives at the drop of a hat. You, as the mistress, want to see the wife as the enemy because she's where you would like to be. But really, all you know is what he tells you. Of course he feels guilty- he's lying to his family and dishonoring his wife. Those children will NEVER accept you and right now, you're helping start them on a healthy path towards therapy. Think about this- when his wife was devastated, HE thought he owed her another chance. HE backed down. But he still isn't really willing to work on those issues that made him stray in the first place-hence why he's still seeing you and not in counseling with his wife. Don't kid yourself, she knows he's lying to her. He wants his cake, and he wants to eat it too. What you need to think about is do you want a relationship with a man who prefers to run elsewhere when times in a marriage get hard(and I'm married, and I can tell you, no matter how deeply you are in love, you WILL have hard spots that you should work through TOGETHER AS A COUPLE). Do you want a man that will lie to his kids, his wife who has given him loyalty- for carnal pleasure?
Will you trust each other, once it's just you two?

Answer 7

With a wife and kids, it's hard to leave even if you want to. And the thing is, if you've got even a tolerable situation at home, why would you take a chance, bringing all the hell on yourself that comes with divorce?

So unless he is absolutely and totally miserable at home (like if the wife is a druggie or a drunk or turning tricks in the living room) then I wouldn't expect him to leave any time soon, if at all.

I feel bad for all of you. You're going to get your heart broke in all of this and maybe his wife will too. And he's set himself up in a difficult position that may bring him some bad things in the end. Some guys end up where the wife doesn't want him and the mistress is tired of waiting and he ends up with nothing in the end and the hell of a divorce.

None of this sounds like it is a real good idea. I feel bad for you but I don't think you are making very good choices. This type of thing can't bring good things to any of you.

But I understand that life isn't all black and white and there are no easy answers.

Good luck.

Answer 8

Thing man is married...and not to you !
You should leave him..dont be the cause of the break-up ..because even though you say your not the reason....she will blame you !
How would you feel if you were married and someone came and stole your husband ? ..i dont think you'll like very much would you ? ..you've got to put yourself in the other womans shoes..even though maybe their marriage is in trouble... you should not come between them ...it is not your place..im sorry..i might sound harsh or whatever..but if you decide to stick around...depending how physco his wife is..she will come after you..not in a try to kill you way...but she will annoy you and stuff..because she will blame you...the "other woman" is always the cause of the divorce ..( thats what the wife's think) ...
I havent been through it personally but i know heaps of people that have been...just try and stay away for a while.... give him a chance to make up his mind by himself...goodluck.

Answer 9

Why would he leave her when he can have both. Maybe you need to step out of the picture...for 2 reasons. You deserve to be in a committed relationship. He cannot and will not commit to you if he is already in a relationship. Him and his wife need to find out what is causing him to cheat and they need to do as much as possible to keep this marriage together for the sake of the kids. I'm not saying they should stay together for the kids but they should go to counselling and such until they have exhausted all avenues. As a single girl you have no idea how difficult it is to have children and keep your marriage exciting. He may just need a wake up call. Now the second reason to stop this relationship is you. Don't you think you deserve to be with someone that can fully commit to you? You need to get on with your life and let them get on with theirs. Don't get involved with telling her or judging her. Your relationship may work when he is divorced and ready to move on. Just leave them alone and start living your own life.

Answer 10

Girl, you're a trip, you act like the wife is the one with the problem.
You need to get off your *** and find your own man, NAWWW, he ain't leaving is wife for you!!! Open your eyes and realize that a man is going to do what ever he wants to do, so if he really wanted to be with you, he would have been left his wife! Why are you trying so hard to take break up a home and take this man away from his wife and kids, now i know its not all your fault cause he needs his *** whooped too but you play a big part in it.. and can the **** about the psychological damage, that mans mind is just fine, its you im worried about, face it he just wants to **** you and his wife and yo dumb *** is letting him, of course his wife is devastated, who wants to be alone with their children while your husband is ****'n off . Have a heart don't be stupid, put your self in HER shoes!!!

Answer 11

u need to be the one who leaves, as every marriage has problems, u are the one tugging at his heartstrings, when u should stop seeing him and gracefully bow out until he can decide. the damage being done here is by you. the kids do deserve a father in the home, the wife deserves a chance to make it work without u in her marriage. even if he leaves her for u the karma that comes with this is not pretty, and what u make happen to others will come to u in some way so u can feel what u did to her. u are the problem here.