My husband accidentally left the computer on when i went to check my e-mail he was signed in under a different name and in the inbox were e-mails from his other e-mail account. He had been finding women interested in giving bj's and sending there responses to an alternate e-mail account so that i would not find out. I completely lost it and threw him out of the house but eventually let him back in as it was freezing outside and he really has no where else to go. He finally admitted tonight after a week that he did do this and he did not know why and that he was never going to act on these women that he was basically bored and doesn't know why he did it. He did deny it for a week though, that he had no idea what i was talking about even after i showed him what i had found. What should i do, i feel betrayed and like i cannot trust him. Help, please give advice.
2007-01-22 14:41:00 · 29 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
GIVE HIM ONE
2007-01-22 14:44:11 · answer #1 · answered by pchairrider1 1 · 5⤊ 6⤋
The poor guy just got caught up in the Internet's anonymity and was intrigued by it. He went a little too far. He lied to protect what esteem you once had for him. He's sorry. And, he gets cold when you throw him out in the snow.
Forgive him if has shown true remorse and promises not to do things that drive you crazy.
Just a little side advice: pick your battles carefully. Some things are worth going to the mat over, and some things would be better treated as no big deal. Always remember the positive things your husband has done and is doing for you and try to live with a few oddities here and there. I'm not saying that this is one of them - that's your call. But, do try and work it out.
And, the next time you throw him out in the cold, toss him a coat, will ya?
2007-01-22 15:15:26 · answer #2 · answered by SafetyDancer 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There are so many answers you probably won't even read this one but here goes...You could be giving him all the sex and BJ's that he wanted and he would probably still do it. It probably is no reflection on you. Try to talk to him. My ex was that way and he was really into porn. It never mattered what I did, he even said it wasn't about me. it was about getting away with something. He did it for the excitement. He liked to hide things and do stuff at at work too just to see if he could get away with it. Who knows what makes people that way. You just have to decide if you can deal with it or not. I couldn't. You may have your own probems or not but if it bothers you now it probably always will. Forget that bull crap about it's your duty and give him one....I don't think it would matter if you did or not. It is a personality thing.
2007-01-22 15:26:13 · answer #3 · answered by healergirl 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry girl.
He knows why he was doing it.....he wanted oral.....
I'm not trying to give him an excuse but maybe the 2 of u can spice it up a bit!
Also u really probably should go to counseling or talk together openly about ur issues.....I'm sure u 2 can come to a compromise about this situation.
Good Luck
2007-01-22 14:48:53 · answer #4 · answered by Hi my name is... 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Ah jeez!! The poor guy. We men are genetically imprinted to spread our genes around. Women are genetically imprinted to stay with the man who is best suited to raise her off-spring. This is how the human species survived for 10's of thousands of years. If you really love him, forgive him. Another thing you might want to do is look in the mirror and decide if you think he finds you unattractive. That happens too as couples grow old together. Couples that have 25 to 50 year long wedding anniversaries find ways to deal with it. And that is the secret for a long long relationship, find a way to overcome this most recent trouble, and the overcome the next one when it comes along.
2007-01-22 15:00:47 · answer #5 · answered by kram k 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This man has a cheating heart, my dear. If it hasn't happened already, it will. He has already crossed the line and been unfaithful by just doing this behind your back. If you caught him in this, what else is he doing that you haven't caught him in? You either need to get him into counseling or you need to end this relationship. I know this sounds harsh, but I was in the same situation you are in. He ended up cheating eventually, because he had already crossed this line and kept pushing it further and further.
If you are in a relationship, any talk about the subject of sex with other women is OFF LIMITS! It only leads to other problems.
2007-01-22 14:51:40 · answer #6 · answered by imtami75 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I am so sorry to hear of these unfortunate events. OK, I understand you let him back in the house that night, but truth be told, there is a reason why he is even putting thoughts on this activity, and you must not doubt or blame yourself for this.
Being secretive and deceptive is his choice and you need to see the bells and whistles for what they are. This event you became aware of, and he denied it anyway for a week to you. Could it be possible he has acted on any of these emails? Of course we'd hope not, but I am not sure how you could know for sure, especially since you feel you cannot place your trust in him. I would feel betrayed and unable to trust him as well, I will keep you in my thoughts to be strong and for you to decide what you feel is best for you to feel your best. You deserve it and are worth it. Love and light, Mandee
2007-01-22 14:52:28 · answer #7 · answered by mandee07 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Teach him a big lesson about this online stuff... Try and not say much to him about it like its died out... And pay close attention to sites he visits etc... At the right time, email him from another email account, and if he starts emailing you back, play along with him for alittle while, then send him a pic of a big ugly guy, saying you know where he lives and you are gonna hunt him down and fullfill his wildest dreams.. That should scare the hell out of him.....
2007-01-22 19:42:52 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Tell your husband that you would like him to be honest with you. Is this something he wants from you but not getting? Do the two of you have a open marriage, can both of you talk to one another about anything and everything without one of you getting upset?
2007-01-22 14:54:50 · answer #9 · answered by kindheartedsarge 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
GO WITH YOUR GUT.
Yeah... he knew what he was doing. There's no way someone's gonna go thru the trouble of saving the e-mails to another anonymous e-mail accnt and not use them! He was totally planning on hooking up with them.
2007-01-22 14:57:44 · answer #10 · answered by mia b 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok well he shouldnt be doing this its wrong But everybody that has answered keeps tellin u to give him oral..My question is why does people assume u dont? Maybe u do maybe u dont but they DONT know that for a fact.
2007-01-22 15:55:46 · answer #11 · answered by gaby d 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋