What is the first step in getting a divorce?

Question

I am 29 years old and I live in kansas. I am wanting to gat a divorce from my husband because he has been emotionally distant the last 6 years of our marraige. He makes promises for "someday" and when I ask when that will be, he yells, or puts me off again. His teenage son is physically abusive to me, and he doesn't find that unacceptable. We have 3 small children and I have to get out. He is VERY controlling, and throws a fit if I even spend five dollars that I do not tell him about, or take a few extra minutes to get to work- he swears I am having an affair. This is my first relationship and I don't know where to start in getting divorced.

Answer 1

Okay, well first, the first step is going in for a free evaluation with a domestic law attorney or someone who specializes in divorces. Normally these are free of charge. They will evaluate the situation and advise you of their rate. If you have family that could help you out, I would suggest you move out with your children and in with your family. Alot of women have to do this, even though they feel as though they are failing. You are not. Family is here to be supportive. Also, if you can, most attorneys allow you to make small payments over a period of time, versus the lump sum at the initial meeting, if you sign the contract. From then, if you retained an attorney and gave them money (a retainer) then they will file a Petition for Divorce adn have your husband served. Like I said, unless he is willing to move out, which is does not sound like he would be, then I would suggest you and the children move in with a fried or family member. After the Peition for Divorce is filed wth the Court and your husband is served, you will then have a temporary hearing in front of the Juge to evaluate your situation and impose an Order specifying child support, alimony (if you have been married long enough, visitation, and such) until you can have a final hearing on your divorce. Most people can come to an agreement on most of the issues and a Settlement Agreement can be drawn up and filed with the court without having to go to trial. However, if things get ugly, and not to scare you, but then you would have to go through court ordered mediation and then your case would be set for trial. I work for a domestic attorney and see this everyday. I wish you the best of luck. Again, this is just a synopsis of the big picture, but I hope for you and your children, that this will not be a struggle.

Good luck!

Answer 2

Make an appointment with an attorney to find out what your rights are. You have 3 children, so your husband is responsible for helping to support them, plus you may be entitled to half of the marital assets since you do work and contribute. It's unacceptable for him to control the money when you earn too...and even more unacceptable that he allows HIS teenage son to physically abuse you! The next time this happens, call the police and have the brat arrested...if someone doesn't do something soon, he may become even more violent

Answer 3

First thing you need to do is make sure you have some money stocked away. If you don't, start doing that NOW. Obviously he is controlling and very oboservant of the financial situation, so be careful not to raise to many suspicions of that. Also, if you are in fear of physical abuse of this man, as with his son, file for a protection order before you start divorce proceedings. This will give you temporary custody of the home, kids, and in this protection order, make sure you have written that he is to continue to make mortgage payments, and insurance, etc. This protection order can be obtained through you county courthouse. I suggest you go there and find a FEMALE who works there, and give her a small rundown of what is going on, and ask her how soon the judge can sign off on it. You will have to state reasons why you need an order of protection, such as, physical abuse from spouse's teenage children, fear of abuse, mental or physical from spouse, and also that you are about to file for divorce and are afraid of consequences from spouse. If there is ANY history of violence from this man, MAKE SURE to include this in the order. Make it as specific as possible about the children and home mortgage, etc. Think it over well before going. You definitely will need an attorney, so begin looking through the yellow pages, or asking close friends if they know someone they can refer you to. Keep you head up, and eyes straight ahead. Don't let things he will say to you bring you down. Stay confident and believe in yourself. Also, if not employed, start looking for and obtain a job, this will help your self esteem and look good in court too. O yea, DO NOT TELL HIM THAT YOU ARE GOING TO THE COURT HOUSE OR ANYTHING ELSE YOU ARE PLANNING. LET HIM FIND OUT WHEN HE IS SERVED. Good luck and God bless

Answer 4

Plan plan and more planning before you walk out. Do you have a place to go with your children? Do you have money to get you through until the divorce is final? Can you get a job set up before you go? I would not tell him you want a divorce until you are ready to put your plan into effect...I am afraid he will hurt you if you tell him. When you are ready, pack up yourself and the kids and leave when he is at work. When you get where you are going, hire a lawyer and proceed with the divorce. They will take you through it step by step. If you can, get a referral from a friend for a lawyer so you don't get ripped off.

Answer 5

The first thing you have to do aside from actually packing up and leaving is to go to your local court house family court division and tell them you want all the paperwork necessary to file for divorce. They will give you everything and you may both have to appear in person to sign it at the courthouse in front of a witness. Then it goes for review by a case manager and she will schedule an appointment to go over the paperwork. When that is done, the judge will review it and if necessary, (which it will be because you have kids) he will set a court date. Once the divorce is final, you will have to go through with the custody situation. I just got divorced myself and it was a pain. Luckely for me, we had no children or mortgage to fight over. It was done in about 3 months. You may need a divorce lawyer if you have lots of stuff. Good luck, when it's over, it will be worth it!!

Answer 6

First, contact an attorney without your estwhile husband knowing about it. Then move as much money as you can into an account known only to you. Run up a huge credit card bill (or 2 or 3). Then leave. Too bad about the kids or I would tell you to get as far away from Kansas as possible. Maybe after you get custody...

Answer 7

First things first, you need to find a place for you and your children to stay. Then you need to contact a lawyer so that you can get the ball rolling. In IL, you don't have to be separated for any length of time if there is mental abuse involved, so I would assume it would be similar in KS. The lawyer will help walk you through the steps.

Good luck!

Answer 8

why does doing one mean you won't be able to do the different? you are able to tell your mom your thoughts and nonetheless be a shoulder for her. and on the doorstep-dad. you look to have a sturdy relationship with him. i think of a few issues that would help interior the respond is a few further suggestions. are you nonetheless a youthful baby? yopu mentioned you have lived in that living house for the final 8 years, yet you didnt say how old you're. babies could desire to on no account could desire to hold a burden for his or her mom and dad. you mustn't could desire to choose. i'm additionally guessing (based on the wording interior the question) that mom is the single searching for divorce. completely be right this moment together with her on your thoughts and nonetheless help the two if it extremely is the way you experience. you mustn't be made to experience such as you're able to desire to take aspects. that's no longer a honest place fo you to could desire to be in. sturdy luck

Answer 9

First step, falling out of love (I'm sorry for you).
Second step, find a lawyer. Most divorce lawyers are scum sucking bottom feeders, so be very careful.
Third step, about a year of pain and legal delays plus a whole lot of your money.
Fourth step, divorce.
Fifth step, begin healing.
Sixth step, eventually finding love again.

Answer 10

Find your marriage liscense or certificate you both signed to
get married. Then find a lawyer who takes care of divorces, normally listed in the Yellow pages. He can fill U in on the rest.