Why would a woman want to be economically dependent on a man?

Question

How come, in this modern age of women's liberation, there are still women who have no income of their own, and are totally dependent on their husband for all of their money?

Why would anybody want to live like that? Why would a woman want to have no money of her own, and have to ask her husband for money? Why would a woman not want to have her own job and her own money?

I didn't mean to sound judgemental, flyhasitall.

However, I truly am amazed that there are grown women who would be so non self protective that they'd allow themselves to be totally dependent on a man for all of their income!

I guess it is because they they were raised to be dependent on men and to have low self exteem!

It's really sad that there are so many women who still feel that way in this day and age!

Beprpg, this is 2007.

MOST WOMEN get a job, work it, keep the house hold running, be there for her husband, AND take care of the kids, all at the same time!

A lot of women do all of that and they don't even have a husband!

Very few women these days are full time homemakers.

Most women send their kid to daycare, and go off to work.

And they get to have their own income and all the independence - financial and psychological - that comes from having their own income and not having to be dependent on a man for their sustinance!

Marmo 1 - yes I have heard of kids. I'm a substitute teacher so I spend a lot of time with them. Of course, almost all of my student's mothers have jobs, so what's your point?

Lat0ria, are you from the 16th century?

Read Dovie's answer - she explains a lot better than I can about why a woman needs to have her own job and her own money to be truly free.

Answer 1

I found that when I first got married at age 23 that I became financially dependent on my new husband, who was 32 and a practicing lawyer. I stayed home with our children and took care of our home. When I needed money for anything, I had to ask for it and I found that (after years of working as a single woman) to be awfully demeaning and demoralizing. When I wanted to buy him a gift, it was his money that I used.

This made him king of our household and made me next to nothing but a paid housekeeper and sex partner. I felt like I was whoring myself and I hated it after a few years.

I eventually went back to school and earned my degree and went back to work. Boy, did the balance of power in our relationship change. I had the ability to get up and walk out and he was very bothered by my autonomy.

Then he changed tactics and wanted me (for my own good) to give him my paycheck so that he could "manage" our money. When I resisted and told him that I would pay bills, but that I wanted a separate savings account for myself, he went balistic.

I have advised my three teenaged daughters to never ever become dependent on a man for financial security. They understand my feelings on this as it changes your personality and you become meek. You accept behavior that you wouldn't ordinarily because you have no money of your own to leave - you become "stuck." That is a scary and demoralizing place to be - especially if you have small children to care for.

No matter where I am in my life, I will always have my own source of income. I divorced about 18 months ago and have since met a wonderful man who would be happy to support me, but he understands my need for security and autonomy and supports my decision. He has even given his blessing to him supporting us and me putting all of my money away in my own account so that I will feel secure and safe.

Answer 2

Obviously there is a very pronounced difference between men and women. Men are very physically driven. Women are very emotionally driven. You might even study the differences between testosterone and estrogen.

I don't understand it completely either, but what you should understand is actually all these "independent women" of today are actually the anomaly.

It is so crass to make the assumption that traditional women, house wives, homemakers, ect are economically dependent, or that they have low self esteem. With comments like "why would anybody want to live like that?" "why would a woman want to have no money?"

That woman is in a poor relationship, and messed up somewhere along the way, but believe me it is ludicrous to assume all women at home are some how weak or losers of some sort.

You might understand if you understood the simple differences between men and women that every one knows exist; very few really understand though, and for that reason I applaud your question.

To further illustrate think of it this way, Both men and women could be considered to have conquest complexes, drives to succeed. Very often a mans conquests include money, power, sexual prowess, ect. While a womans conquest could include emotional aptitude, nurturing prowess, ect...

There is no reason a woman can't work the exact same jobs a man does. There is ALSO no reason a woman HAS TO.

There is very interesting commentary on this subject and I applaud your quest for knowledge, I hope you "get it."

Answer 3

Ideally people meet in college, the way my parents did and marry sometime after graduation and gainful employment. They're both working and successful and then plan to have their first child. At this point in the financially secure household it is accepted (if desired) by the lady of the house to choose her job as stay at home mom or go back to work part/full time. My mother chose to become a homemaker and loved it, we were happy, comfortable and secure. My father was supportive and loving. I don't understand this extreme negativity. This is a traditional family and it certainly works best.

I asked a similar question myself referring mainly to some of the single women I knew who simply did not want to work and refused to because of their beauty/parent's money ie ie (various trivial reasons) None have kids (I didn't specify and neither did you about the kids) but I agree that a single lady should be independent.

Answer 4

For some people, it's easier to have someone else be responsible for their needs rather than that person taking responsibility for their own needs.

I don't believe all women want to be dependent upon men, my belief is that some of them were probably socialized into male dependency (here I am talking about the pre-1960's when there were few opportunities for women to get a higher education and enter the workforce). Some women of the younger generation may prefer to emulate this generation as described, rather than follow the post-1960's women's liberation movement when more colleges started to accept women, and work opportunities were more available to women.

Hope this answers your question.

Answer 5

2 reasons

1. self esteem. When a man spends money on her she feels like she is worth it, desierabel, whatever... Thats the way nature has programmed women and the reasons nature did so is

2. children, a woman needs a man to run her life so that she can dedicate herself to the children. Of course thats not why she wants it, the way a man does not want sex because it results in children, but mostly because it results in fun. As soon as she feels she does not need the man anymore to look after her and the children she becomes ANNOYING to drive the man away, so that he can compete for women with the other men. Of course thats not the reasons she becomes annoying and bitchy, she just does not feel like keeping him around anymore.

Answer 6

Um... if they're married, they share everything. Nothings really his, nothings really hers. except for some things, of course. And most of the time a 'woman', is a stay at home mom. How is she suppose to get a job, work it, keep the house hold running, be there for her husband, AND take care of the kids, all at the same time? You can't say a man could do that, because he probably couldn't. I'm not trying to sound sexist or anything. I'm just say we're all equal. And if a female can't do it, then a male can't do it. Heck, no one can do it all! Oh, and my mother, does have an income.

Answer 7

I don't know why women wouldn't want to earn their own money and be self-reliant. But I do know that if I could find a man that could support my family and pay my bills and was willing to do so, I would let him. I like having the freedom of making my own money. I like having freedom to make decisions on what I will spend the money I earn on.
There is a certain level of trust that would have to be established before I could ever quit earning my own money and let a man take care of me. Until I find that, I will continue to make my own money... : )

Answer 8

It is called LOW SELF ESTEEM. Many women were raised to be dependent and many cultures still discourage independence in women. And many women are stripped of the ability to develop the self-worth necessary in order to cope on their own, as they grow up hearing messages of how they can't do this, they can't do that, they're no good at this or they're no good at that. Over a period of time, they take it in and it is next to impossible to undo such a strong message.

It is not a matter of not wanting to be on their own or stay in that condition. They were simply conditioned from a very young age (and fairytales such as Snow White and Cinderella only reinforced such conditioning) to be dependent, and when you are so heavily conditioned it is next to impossible to change the conditioning.

Be a little more understanding, and don't judge so harshly.

Answer 9

I know some couples that function very successfully that way. My wife works jobs off and on, she likes to stay at home with the kids in between jobs. She doesn't have to ask me for money, it gets deposited in a joint account that she has equal access to.

In fact, she's so much better with the money that she looks after most of it.

Answer 10

So she can be free to stay home and raise her children instead of paying the money she earns for daycare. It's a trade-off. It's not a choice that's good for all woman or families, but it works well for many.