I have basically decided that I need some time apart from my husband. I don't know where I'm going to go, or what I'm going to do, all I know is that I need to do this. I was laid of from my job last week and all he does is sleep in all day so I can't actively look for work because I need to watch our daughter. He is more concerned with stocking up on his beer than anything else. I gave up everything for this man and I just don't feel like he's pulling his weight. My only concern with leaving him is that it will take me longer to find a job, it will be hard for my daughter to adjust, and I will possibly be slammed with back rent for our townhouse because he can't afford to pay it(yet he won't leave)!! I have tried to tell him several times that I don't love him anymore. I still cry and think about my ex(even though I don't plan on pursuing anything with him right now). Every time I try to leave he gives me a guilt trip. I am tired of this. Is there any "right" way to leave?
2007-01-22 13:51:38 · 19 answers · asked by Torturedsoul 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you lack confidence, and are scared of the unknown. And its easier to stay in a unhappy marriage than go out and do it on your own. This is no way to live. You need to get strong. and know your worth in life. If not he will continue to treat you this way. Why put up with that crap. Don't be insecure . remember what your worth and you shouldn't have to put up with that. only if you allow yourself to be taken down that road
2007-01-22 15:05:40 · answer #1 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get legal help firstly. A lawyer can tell you what your rights & responsibilities are where the rent is concerned, and there may be a loophole since he's not putting forth any effort.
If you know this man is holding you back and a bad influence on your daugher, then you're a smart chick, and you have to find a way out. Don't be too proud to accept help from family & friends in the form of money, a place to stay, and/or daycare while you search for work. Perhaps you could register with some employment agencies to help find work.
Good luck.
2007-01-22 14:00:47 · answer #2 · answered by Happy Wife 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don't worry about what effect this will have on your child, just find a way to get free of him and get a new life. this man is immature, selfish, and wants to do what he wants with no regard for u. funny how we look back in time and see where we made a mistake, gave up the good man and got alot less than we expected. don't fall for the guilt trips anymore, make a plan, get a new job, and leave. leave him in the townhouse, why not go stay with family till u get on your feet. the guilt trip is his way of controlling u, by hitting u where he knows it will bother u, your sense of right and wrong, and not wanting to leave anyone stuck and without. but there comes a time when we have to put our happiness before anything and anyone else. we do sometimes look back on the past with alot of regrets. maybe when u get rid of him, and get divorced, u can think of your ex, maybe he is still free, maybe not yet taken.
2007-01-22 14:03:15 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes. Pack your things and go. Seriously...sometimes that is the only way you will do it. People know what's NOT good for them, but have a hard time doing what IS good. Sometimes you have to force yourself to do something because you know that if you don't make a move now, you never will.
When I left my husband, he was physically abusive and one day I just thought...my life could be THIS forever, or I could walk out the door with my son, KNOWING that the near future would be a nightmare...but that after I made it through the transition, my world would improve. It did and leaving was the best decision I ever made. He tried guilt and threats and violence, and girl...I sincerely had to tell myself before interacting with him during that time..."No matter what he says or does, the only word that you will let out of your mouth is 'no'. " and that's exactly what I had to do.
He could lay a guilt trip! Sometimes, everything in me wanted to feel sorry for him and say "Okay, one more try." but I knew it wouldn't work. I just forced that word out of my mouth and I'm so glad I did. Good luck! Keep your head up and be strong!
2007-01-22 13:58:10 · answer #4 · answered by Lisa E 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know the reason I had a hard time leaving is because I felt like a failure. I NEVER thought I would get a divorce, especially so young. But, I never thought I would be treated that way either.
Sometimes you just really need to swallow your pride and ask for help. Is there any family member or anyone that can help you get your feet back on the ground? If not, there are services that help people to get affordable childcare and legal help. Please talk to some people in your area and see what is available. You need to not only look out for yourself, you need to make sure your daughter has positive influences in her life!
Good luck and be strong!
2007-01-22 14:30:44 · answer #5 · answered by CJ M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because they make you feel like something is wrong with you and then you are looking for their acceptance.
Do what is best for you and your daughter. If that means bankruptcy or whatever, you can always rebuild. You daughter will adjust to environment, as long as you are happy kids don't really care about much else. I bet she can tell you're not happy the way it is. It will be hard, but there is no use wasting more time if its that bad. The sooner you move on, the sooner you will find some peace.
2007-01-22 14:00:24 · answer #6 · answered by rob602pa 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl I have been there!! I just ended 8 years of hell for this same thing. You give and give and they take. All i can say is I had to do it it was not easy I felt so bad but all I thought of is how unhappy he had made me throughout the 8 years. And beside me it was taking a toll on my three children that had also endured this. It took me 6 months to start feeling like my self again. And sometimes he still makes me feel bad but its time to think about me and not him. And to put the topping on the cake i have hooked up with the only guy who ever loved me that I let go of 12 years ago. and we are so happy together just as we were then. I must say get out do it fast things WILL be better time heals all wounds. But life is to short to waste it on someone that doesn't love you and I mean truly LOVE you.
2007-01-22 14:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by littlereddragon 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just leave - find someplace to stay, work out a daycare arraingment so your daughter is taken care of while you look for work, apply for Unemployment so some money is coming in while you're jobless and tell your husband that he's going to have to pay for the townhouse himself because you're not going to live there anymore.
Will this mess up your credit?
Probably - BUT WHO CARES?
What's more important, the happiness of you and your daughter, or your credit score?
2007-01-22 13:58:25 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no "right" way.....what feels right to you is right. You need to make sure that you and your daughter are first priority. Before you leave, if this is what you decide to do, make sure you tie up any loose ends so there won't be any surprises. Don't worry about the guilt trips that he trys to lay on you......
2007-01-22 14:24:23 · answer #9 · answered by veronica c 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, there is a right way. STOP letting him manipulate you. The reason it's so hard to get out of it is that we become co-dependent upon these people. They know how to "get" us to do whatever they want. We love them, therefore we give of ourselves totally, and that's our downfall. ALWAYS reserve a little of YOU for YOU. Think about it. If a mosquito is sucking the blood out of you, do you just sit there and watch and say, "Oh...look at that. He's a bloodsucking vampire...I should do something"? Save yourself.
2007-01-22 13:57:30 · answer #10 · answered by a_lot_smarter_now 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋