We are married for the last 14 years and have two wonderful [[kids]] who we love very much. Our marriage hit a rough patch couple of times for 3 and 9 months and I always reconciled on her terms. For the last one year she had been sending emails to her classmate who is happily married and met him in a remote resort once. I found a passionate love letter written by her but not sent as she said she thought of giving it to him personally. The guy came here to take back his wife and kids to Canada after 7 years of living apart and they were very loving couple, as my wife says. She says that she discussed only family matters and that the guy always inquired about me and ]]]]]]]]]]]] kids, that they decided to end it when they met at a remote resort when he stayed here for 2 weeks. But in the letter she asks him not to forget her and also about love and affection security and how much she needs him. Both of us are ready to do whatever is good for the kids whether we live together orapart
2007-01-22 13:46:49 · 22 answers · asked by havah 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
There's a mystery here that deserves investigation.
Both of you seem to have the kids best interest as a goal, so that's good. Let's start here: The best thing that a man can do for his children is to love his wife.
You have reconciled with her twice and yet it seems that you don't seem to have a clue as to what she needs from another man that she is not getting from you. Reconciling on her terms is not what she needs from you - that's just what you gave her to stick around.
I have heard this story before. Whether you can provide for your wife what she needs or not (for some reason); you need to clearly understand what's missing. Your question practically frames your wife as the villain, but I suggest that's the smaller part of the story. You must bear some of the responsibility for the situation. It cannot be relieved by caving in to your wife.
Whether you separate or not, you really need to come to grips with the root cause of the problem.
2007-01-22 13:50:46 · answer #1 · answered by Thomas K 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
14 year is a long time to just put it all to an end and your kids deserve more of a fight from you both! All marriages hit rough patches but now you are both at a point when you want to make things better that MUST consist of moving forward and never looking back are you sure that deep down you can truly get over this? If not then she is going to have to lose you forever or until she can earn your trust back. I am sure you have both made mistakes i am sure you haven't always been the perfect husband either. Think of what made you to fall in love in the first place and the family you have created together. I think it is worth a fight If you both are willing to fight for it!
2007-01-22 21:59:08 · answer #2 · answered by ninalatti 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need a counselor to help you both hash this out and decide what you both want. Trust is the big issue here. It doesn't sound like you really believe what your wife is telling you. Only a professional marriage counselor can help you deal with this so you can make the best decision for you and your children. Children are better off when they're not living in the middle of a hotbed of anger, mistrust and contention; even if that means their parents don't live together.
2007-01-22 21:53:02 · answer #3 · answered by Yo' Mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage needs more help than you're going to find here. If you love your wife and are willing to try again, find an experienced marriage counselor that can help you get through this. Your wife needs to re-earn your trust, regardless of whether or not her relationship with this man was physical. A married woman has no business having a relationship like that (or writing letters like that) to another man. You and she both need to learn how to meet each other's needs, and she needs to stop looking outside the marriage for affection. Best of luck...
2007-01-22 21:52:00 · answer #4 · answered by ~StepfordWife~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey i stayed with a guy for four years after our problems just for the kids it doesn't really help the kids much when they can se you guys do not get a long or love each other the way you used to. althiugh the actual break-up was hard really really hard on everyone his13 yr old daughter told me just yesterday she wasn't mad we were not together because we could not get along she said why be together if you can't be nice to each other anymore.And he was with me on my terms but i finally realized it wasn't fair to him because when we had our first fallout around 5years ago i fell in love with someone else. and once that happened no matter what he did or how much he changed his ways he wasn't good enouph. So you have to decide what is good for you if she is not wanting you anymore it's hard to deal with i know but ultimately life is not forever and you need to do what is best for and your wife and the kids will be upset for a while however kids have a way of bouncing back. I hope this helps
2007-01-22 21:58:54 · answer #5 · answered by tina1rules 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
We are married for the last 14 years and have two wonderful [[kids]] who we love very much. Our marriage hit a rough patch couple of times for 3 and 9 months and I always reconciled on her terms
I would say.Save your family..Only this time-On your terms!
Tell her if you catch her sending emails to old classmates ever again.Thats it..Bye Bye!~
Good luck!
2007-01-22 21:51:20 · answer #6 · answered by ♥Luv my kitties♥ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two things are coming through here:
1. Your insecurity
2. Her infidelity
Like oil and water--these two things don't mix. One of you has to change. Either:
1. You accept that your wife had or wants to have a fling and lay down the law to her, stating that if she wants to cheat so badly, then you're leaving.
2. Your wife comes clean and says she's interested in having an affair, so she leaves, OR she wants counseling because she loves you but was caught up with an old school firend.
Pick one.
2007-01-22 21:53:41 · answer #7 · answered by f8_smyled 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sadly, your wife has betrayed you, but your children are the ones who would suffer most from a break-up. For this reason, consider trying to work it out together, at least until the kids are raised and off on their own. You must demand that she drop all communication with this man. Although your wife owes you far better, if you choose to keep your home together, you will get to raise your own children instead of visiting them on occasional weekends. Good luck.
2007-01-22 21:53:39 · answer #8 · answered by bagoftwix 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were the kids, and found out, I'd either be pissed at mom or think dad had no spine. Hopefully your kids won't find out.
What your wife is doing crosses a line, and I think it's insulting to you. I think that bad relationships are bad examples for the kids. Would you wish this type of relationship on your kids when they get older?
There are pros and cons either way, obviously, but your wife doesn't seem to respect you much.
2007-01-22 21:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by sarcastro1976 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it depends on how she feels about the other guy if she is just friends with him then stay together but if she has fallen for someone else end it . do what will make you happy it will be hard but how do you feel about it? don't ever stay in a marriage just because of the kids. but if she isn't involved with this other guy then just let it go and don't throw your marriage away over an overreaction
2007-01-22 21:54:33 · answer #10 · answered by mrs garfield 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋